Caring for Aging Parents: Ease the Financial and Emotional Strain

A daughter pushes her mom in a wheelchair while walking across a bridge.

(Image credit: Getty Images)

published 4 October 2025

A friend of mine got a call at 2 a.m. His dad had wandered out of the house with a golf club and a ball retriever, confused and disoriented. They found him hours later, injured and lying in someone's yard.

That moment changed everything.

It wasn't just a sign that something was wrong. It was the start of a long and stressful caregiving journey, one for which the family wasn't prepared.

From just $107.88 $24.99 for Kiplinger Personal Finance

Become a smarter, better informed investor. Subscribe from just ~~$107.88~~ $24.99, plus get up to 4 Special Issues

CLICK FOR FREE ISSUE

https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/flexiimages/y99mlvgqmn1763972420.png

Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free Newsletters

Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.

Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.

Kiplinger's Adviser Intel, formerly known as Building Wealth, is a curated network of trusted financial professionals who share expert insights on wealth building and preservation. Contributors, including fiduciary financial planners, wealth managers, CEOs and attorneys, provide actionable advice about retirement planning, estate planning, tax strategies and more. Experts are invited to contribute and do not pay to be included, so you can trust their advice is honest and valuable.

That kind of situation isn't unusual: It's real life for many people, including those in the sandwich generation. I've worked with clients who are raising kids, managing careers and trying to care for aging parents — at the same time.

It's a full plate emotionally and financially. It often unfolds with no clear road map.

These situations never feel clean or easy. There's no formula to follow. But through the years, I've seen some common patterns — and what helps.

The emotional trade-offs behind care decisions

Most parents want to stay in their homes and maintain their independence, even when it's no longer safe to do so. That creates tension, especially when one adult child lives nearby and takes on the bulk of the caregiving.

Sometimes, families try to rotate duties between siblings or bring in outside help for a few hours a day. That can work, but it requires coordination, buy-in and a willingness to be honest about what's sustainable.

When that doesn't happen, resentment builds. One person carries the weight, while others weigh in from a distance.

I've seen it split along financial lines, too. One child pushes hard to keep Mom or Dad at home, not because it's best, but because they're quietly focused on preserving an inheritance. They'd never say that out loud, but their behavior tells the story.

The tension doesn't just come from what to do. It comes from what the situation reveals.

Clarity matters more than control

Every family dynamic is different, but the ones who navigate these transitions better usually have one thing in common. They've had the hard conversations early.

It starts with understanding your parents' wishes. What are they open to? What's a hard no? You won't always be able to give them exactly what they want, but you can go into decisions with more context and less guesswork.

The financial side of things can be even murkier. I've seen some parents who've left a clear trail — assets organized, powers of attorney in place, medical directives signed.

I've seen others who treat their finances like a locked box. Their kids don't know what accounts exist, where the money is held or how much is there. That kind of uncertainty only adds stress when things escalate.

Documentation matters, but so does knowing who's responsible for what. Without that clarity, even well-intentioned families can spiral into conflict.

Planning with the healthy spouse in mind

When we talk about long-term care planning, most people focus on the cost of care for the person who needs help. What often gets missed is the impact on the spouse who doesn't.

If one partner needs around-the-clock support, the other might be left trying to make ends meet after years of depleting their assets.

That's one of the main reasons long-term care insurance exists. It's not about saving money. It's about preserving the lifestyle for the one who's left behind.

I've had plenty of client conversations that start with one partner saying, "We'll just pay out of pocket if we need to." That's fine — if you can afford to.

But many families can't absorb hundreds of thousands of dollars in care expenses without consequences.

Know the cost of stepping in

The cost doesn't just hit your parents. It hits you, too. I've seen clients consider quitting their jobs to care for a parent.

That might seem like a noble step, but it can derail retirement savings, reduce Social Security benefits and create financial gaps that are hard to recover from.

Looking for expert tips to grow and preserve your wealth? Sign up for Adviser Intel (formerly known as Building Wealth), our free, twice-weekly newsletter.

You must also be careful about stepping in financially. Helping here and there can quickly become unsustainable if there's no structure to it. You don't want to hurt your own retirement plans or your kids' education in the process.

There has to be a hierarchy of priorities. Most of the time, you can't do everything. That's not failure — it's just the reality of limited resources.

How care needs typically escalate

Families rarely jump straight to a nursing home. What usually happens is a progression. In the beginning, the parent stays home with minimal support.

As things change, someone might come in for a few hours a day to help with meals, appointments or household tasks.

Over time, care needs grow, and full-time help becomes necessary. At that point, the family might need to consider assisted living or memory care. In many cases, it's not a choice — it's the only safe option.

Each stage carries a different cost, and the changes can happen faster than expected. That's why planning ahead matters. When you understand the likely progression, you can prepare financially and emotionally before you're forced to act under pressure.

Waiting until something breaks usually means fewer choices, higher costs and more stress for everyone involved.

Talk while everyone's still healthy

I've seen how these situations play out with clients, family and friends. Some handle it with planning and structure. Others fight the inevitable until it becomes a crisis.

I remember one case where a client's older relative ended up in a rehab facility after a fall. Everyone thought it might be the turning point, the moment she'd finally accepted that she needed more help.

Instead, she texted her friends that she was in jail and needed to be rescued. Her daughter had no siblings on whom to lean. She was on an island, juggling care decisions with no support or backup.

That's what happens when the situation spirals before anyone's ready.

Conversations won't fix everything, but they help:

Talk while everyone is healthy
Sort out the documents
Understand the costs
Be clear about your capacity
Protect the relationships that will outlive the caregiving

You don't get to pick the timing. But you can choose how much strain you want to absorb when that call comes.

Signature Estate & Investment Advisors, LLC (SEIA) is an SEC-registered investment adviser; however, such registration does not imply a certain level of skill or training and no inference to the contrary should be made. This material is for informational purposes only and is not intended as individual investment advice or as a recommendation of any particular security, strategy or investment product. Investment decisions should be made based on the client's specific financial needs, objectives, goals, time horizon and risk tolerance.

Financial markets are inherently volatile and all investment strategies, including those perceived as low-risk, carry some level of investment risk. Past performance does not guarantee future results. Client experiences may not be representative of the experience of other clients and is not a guarantee of future performance or success. There is no guarantee that any investment strategy will achieve its intended results.

All investments carry inherent risks, including the potential loss of principal. Prospective and current advisors and clients should carefully consider their investment objectives, risks, charges, and expenses before making any investment.

SEIA is not responsible for the consequences of any decisions or actions taken as a result of the information provided herein. In particular, none of the examples should be considered advice tailored to the needs of any specific investor.

Securities offered through Signature Estate Securities, LLC member FINRA/SIPC. Investment advisory services offered through SEIA, 2121 Avenue of the Stars, Suite 1600, Los Angeles, CA 90067, (310) 712-2323

Disclaimer

This article was written by and presents the views of our contributing adviser, not the Kiplinger editorial staff. You can check adviser records with the SEC or with FINRA.

TOPICS

Frank Legan is a Cleveland-based author and a Financial Adviser with SEIA. Frank spends his days designing and implementing personalized financial planning strategies for corporate executives, business owners, artists, families and retirees. He focuses on lifetime income planning strategies, investment advice and estate planning services. He also works with businesses to develop strategic and succession planning strategies.