Valentine’s Day is a great excuse to spoil your significant other — and let’s face it, that can get expensive. Whether you’re planning a weekend getaway or a fancy dinner, you’re likely going to be dishing out some cash on this national day of love. But instead of just focusing on how much you can afford to spend on Valentine’s Day, it’s also the perfect opportunity to do a financial check-in with your partner.
A 2024 Couples & Money Study from Fidelity Investments found nearly 9 in 10 couples believe they have good communication when it comes to finances, yet more than 1 in 4 admit to being resentful when they’re left out of financial decisions. Meanwhile, 6 in 10 couples believe they share the same vision for retirement, yet more than half say they don’t agree on how much money they need to save in order to retire. While it may not seem that serious, these financial discrepancies can lead to major problems down the road and even end the relationship. However, there are steps you can take now to prevent that from happening.
It can be hard to talk about money with your partner, so start small and start early. This can be as simple as asking your partner if they consider themselves to be a saver or a spender. Identifying spending habits off the bat can help determine if the two of you are financially compatible. The earlier you can identify your partner's attitudes about money the more time you’ll have to start planning your future, or working toward a compromise if you find your financial values don’t align. The key is to have several of these conversations before making big commitments, such as moving in together.
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Be honest about debt
In addition to discussing spending habits and general attitudes about money, it’s important to disclose any outstanding debts you’ll be bringing to the relationship, such as student loans and credit card debt. If you plan on marrying this person, it’s important to understand that their debts become your debts once you tie the knot. If these debts are not addressed with a plan to pay them down, your future goals could be severely impacted. This is not the time to clam up and get embarrassed about your debt. Think of this as an opportunity to get some strategic help to pay down debt.
As you’re getting more serious, and possibly living together, it’s important to create a joint budget and check it consistently. If you notice you and your partner are overspending in a particular area, you can make a plan to address it together instead of playing the blame game. If there are no issues, use the budget as a guide for future spending and saving. You might even find that you have some cash left over to spend on yourselves, which is always a win.
I like to create two budgets: my household budget and my personal budget. To create the household budget, my partner and I sit down and divide our monthly income, allocation for bills, savings and mad money for extras. We budget for our bills and savings together, and anything left over is split accordingly and goes into our separate mad money accounts. I use my mad money for things such as getting my nails done, going out to lunch, spending on social activities and gifting.
Make sure your goals align
Whether it’s starting a family, buying a home, starting a business, traveling or even going back to school, we all have goals, and those goals cost money. If you’re planning a future with your partner, it’s important to make sure that your goals align. Of course, you and your partner won’t agree all the time, but understanding each other’s perspective can help you find ways to compromise and be supportive. Not being open about the things you want out of life will only open the door to a whirlwind of problems down the line. Becoming financially solid is a team sport and does not happen by accident.
Achieving financial stability in your relationship is a journey, and you should discuss your personal finances as a couple on a regular basis. It may be hard at first, but the more you have the conversation, the easier it gets.
If you’re anxious about talking about money with your partner, it may be an indication of a more serious issue. Having these conversations as soon as possible isn’t only healthy for the longevity and preservation of your relationship, but the talks can also save you a lot of money and potential heartbreak.
If you’d like to know more, you can check out what Kelsey has to say on the Not Your Father’s Two Cents podcast, in the episode The Financial Conversations You Need to Have Before You Commit.
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