I'm an Estate Planning Attorney: These Are the Estate Plan Details You Need to Discuss (And What to Keep Private)

Deciding how your assets will be transferred once you're gone is essential, but that doesn't mean it's easy. Estate planning forces people to have tough conversations with their closest family members — and that can be emotionally challenging.

Talking about it appears to be particularly difficult for Baby Boomers, according to a recent Fidelity study, which reveals a major disconnect between older and younger and generations.

According to Fidelity's 2025 Family & Finance study, 97% of respondents recognized the importance of discussing estate plans with their loved ones, yet only about half of them had actually engaged in those conversations.

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Another report from Fidelity's Center for Family Engagement found 76% of the next generation wants to know whether they're named beneficiaries, but only 35% of Baby Boomers feel they need to talk with the person being named. This raises the question: What's behind the disconnect?

Inherited values and fears

As an estate planning attorney, I work with a lot of Baby Boomers. While a lot of Gen Xers and Millennials know they are set to inherit because of the Great Wealth Transfer, they also want to hear it from their parents, and in some cases, they want to discuss how much they'll receive.

However, Baby Boomers grew up during a time when money wasn't discussed. Many of them don't want to disclose their financial plans because that's simply not how they were raised.

Another factor contributing to their desire to withhold information is the fear of running out of money. Baby Boomers, born 1946 through 1964, grew up with parents who lived through the Great Depression.

As a result, frugality became a necessity, financial conversations were viewed as stressful or taboo, and saving and protecting what you had was a means to survival.

Even though they were born during a time when America's economy was booming, they absorbed the financial attitudes and perspectives of their parents.

Therefore, core beliefs such as "don't waste," "work hard and protect what you've earned," and "don't take unnecessary risks," were passed on once they began having families of their own.

Additionally, many Baby Boomers fear entitlement. They're afraid that if their child knows they're receiving an inheritance, especially if they know they're getting a certain amount, it will encourage them to rely on that money and discourage them from providing for themselves.

Others are worried they'll be financially abused or taken advantage of by their beneficiaries in anticipation of their expected inheritance. And for some families, designated beneficiaries may simply not be ready or financially responsible enough to take on that inheritance.

Those with complex family dynamics or blended families may choose to stay tight-lipped in an effort to keep the peace.

The risks of staying silent

While keeping certain information about your estate plan private can be beneficial, keeping too much information to yourself can lead to chaos, especially after you're gone. It's not just about who gets what.

If family members don't know who the parents worked on the estate plan with, such as the estate planning attorney, financial adviser, CPA etc., they're completely lost.

In this situation, surviving loved ones feel like they have to dig for answers on how to handle the estate because they don't know who put the plan together or whom to contact with questions.

Another issue is that families may disinherit children, particularly in second and third marriages, but the children don't find out until the parent has passed.

Figuring out a sibling may have gotten more, or that certain conditions must be met in order to access the inheritance, particularly when a trust is established, can also lead to confusion and disappointment.

Information you should disclose

When it comes to communicating your estate plan with beneficiaries, treat it as a balancing act. It's a good idea to share the contact information of the estate planning team you're working with so that your loved ones can potentially meet with them ahead of time, while you're still alive, to ask questions and better understand your wishes.

If that's not possible, at least they'll have a phone number or email address they can use to reach your team if needed.

If the inheritance is locked in a trust and has certain conditions that need to be met in order to access it, that can be disclosed with the beneficiaries. That way there's full transparency about how the funds should be accessed and used.

Any specific end-of-life or funeral arrangements you have should also be disclosed so that your loved ones have clear direction on how to proceed once you're gone.

Information you should keep private

Information that should be kept private includes specific dollar amounts, details on asset distribution, where assets are located, investment strategies and account numbers.

These are sensitive components of your plan and disclosing them should be treated with extreme caution while you're still living.

Before designating beneficiaries or disclosing information, several questions and considerations should be addressed with your estate planning attorney, including:

• The financial habits and/or character assessments of potential beneficiaries.
• Complex family dynamics or past conflicts that could impact the distribution of the estate.
• Identifying whether any beneficiaries have special needs, debts or legal issues that require specific planning.
• Understanding what information should be disclosed now and what can be disclosed after your passing.

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