Money Smart Kids
Rein in Indulgent Relatives
Overindulgent family members can interfere with your efforts to teach your children sound financial values. When and how should you tell them enough is enough?
By Janet Bodnar, Editor, Kiplinger's Personal Finance
December 14, 2005
I agree with your column on not going overboard buying kids holiday gifts. But how do you explain this to grandparents, great-aunts, etc., who think it's a "must" to purchase everything on the list?
My son is 4 years old. Each year for the past three years I have asked that the family purchase a few toys and then put any additional money they wanted to spend into a college savings account or savings bond. They have yet to comply with my wishes.
This year my sister-in-law even agreed that my son already has everything. But the response was "He has to have presents to open." How much is too much? My son's Christmas list was about 75 presents long. And I can't return things because my relatives take each item out of the packaging as soon as he opens it. Every six months I donate half of his toys to charity. Most of them are brand-new because he doesn't play with them. It's wasteful, and doesn't teach him the financial lessons he needs to learn.
For his December birthday I decided that instead of buying a gift, guests could bring either nonperishable food items or a toy to donate to Toys for Tots. The kids' parents think this is a great idea, but my relatives think it's awful to "rob" my son of opening birthday presents.
What do I do?
I hope it will help if I print your eloquent plea for holiday sanity and add my wholehearted endorsement as an impartial third party.
Your situation, unfortunately, is common. And the damage done to a child's financial values by overly indulgent relatives will last a lot longer than any fleeting pleasure kids get from toys that are soon discarded.
How much is too much? Your son's list is about 65 gifts too long. A 4-year-old won't even remember all those things, much less expect to get them. If your relatives feel the need to buy gifts, don't share the entire list. Whittle it down to ten or so (small) items and parcel them out.
Better yet, suggest that they give your son a gift of their time and do something special with him, such as bake cookies or go to the zoo.
Three cheers for holding the line on birthday presents. Don't worry about what your family members say. Parents of the young guests like the idea, and that should tell you you're on the right track.