1 in 10 Adults Have Committed Financial Infidelity. Have You?

Even in today's world, where apps and technology handle budgeting in seconds and we've mostly moved past outdated ideas about who should bring home the bigger paycheck, money can still spark some seriously heated arguments between partners, according to a recent Bankrate survey.

But very often these clashes aren't just about dollars and cents, escalating into anxiety, frustration, and even a bruised ego or two. Over time, they can quietly chip away at the trust and commitment that holds partners together.

If you're one of the rare couples who never battle over finances, congrats. But you might still catch yourself feeling a bit guilty from time to time by tucking away a few dollars here and there without mentioning it, downplaying how much those new shoes really cost, or, on the more serious side, crossing into full-on financial secrecy.

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That's typically where financial infidelity comes in. Financial infidelity is where you or your partner is basically cheating with money, deliberately hiding purchases, debts, accounts, income details, or even big financial moves, knowing it would upset or disappoint the other person if they found out.

In the survey, almost 1 in 10 Americans in committed relationships are keeping major sources of debt, expenses, or income secret from their partner. Yet, more than 1 in 4 say they should be allowed to keep some information to themselves.

Additionally, 15% say they don’t want the other person to know, and 14% say they would feel embarrassed if the other person knew. Most (43%), however, believe their spouse or partner wouldn’t care if they were (or weren't) told.

"Secrets can take on a life of their own, undermining trust and the relationship. The fix is communication," says Ted Rossman, Bankrate Senior Industry Analyst.

"You don't necessarily need to combine all of your finances with your partner, but you do need to be aware of where your money is going," Rossman said. Even if you each agree to maintain some separate accounts, it's important to understand the parameters and work together on shared financial goals."

What are the different types of financial infidelity?

When asked, which, if any, of the following personal financial information are you not regularly sharing with your spouse/partner or that you are keeping secret from them, the answers were expected in some ways, but surprising in other ways.

• Minor expenses: 17%
• Minor sources of debt: 9%
• Savings or investments: 8%
• Credit scores or credit history: 6%
• Minor sources of income: 5%
• Major sources of debt: 5%
• Major expenses: 5%
• Major sources of income: 4%
• Other: 3%
• Don't know: 9%

Which generations commit the most financial infidelity?

Among respondents who are married, in a civil partnership or living with a partner, the survey data also points to some generational differences.

• 64% of baby boomers are more likely to say they know everything about their spouse’s or partner’s finances.
• 53% of millennials (ages 30-45), know everything about their spouse’s or partner’s finances.
• 51% of Gen Xers (ages 46-61), know everything about their spouse’s or partner’s finances.
• 44% of Gen Zers (ages 18-29) say the same.

Primary reason(s) for not sharing personal financial information with your spouse or partner?

Although the reasons vary quite a bit, the primary reasons for not sharing financial information include:

• I don't think they'd care if I told them: 43%
• I should be allowed to keep some information about my finances to myself: 28%
• I don't want them to know: 15%
• I'd feel embarrassed if they knew: 14%
• Event(s) in question predated the relationship: 9%
• Other: 12%

Key findings

• While most Americans (55%) who are in committed relationships believe they know everything about their significant other’s finances, almost half (45%) believe that they don’t. 
• Almost 1 in 10 of Americans in committed relationships (9%) are keeping major sources of debt, expenses or income secret from their partner
• Younger generations are more likely to keep financial secrets from partners or spouses than are millennials or baby boomers.
• More than 2 in 5 U.S. adults (43%) believe keeping financial secrets is at least as bad as physical infidelity.
• Almost half of Americans (45%) in committed relationships admit they don’t know everything about their spouse’s or partner’s finances.

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