Should You Invite Your Spouse to Join You in a Divorce Workshop?
When splitting up, you might think knowing more than your partner does about how divorce works might give you an advantage – but it doesn’t. Actually, it can be helpful to learn about the divorce process together with your soon-to-be ex.
![A woman leads a workshop.](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/3X4en6jp5BZv7RFXWM4q8P-415-80.jpg)
As a financial planner, I participate in many different types of workshops, including for divorce. Due to the pandemic, these days they are usually webinars. Divorce is no exception. Should you suggest to your spouse that they should join you in a divorce workshop? Or do you want to keep the information that you got in a divorce workshop to yourself?
As a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ professional, I often answer complicated questions with “it depends.” However, for this question, I will just say, “Heck, yes, bring him (or her) along!” People go to these workshops to learn how to get started with divorce. In the workshops that I run with Vesta divorce professionals, we equip attendees with the financial, emotional and legal information to help them make the right decisions about their marriage and their lives.
I recently recommended to a Vesta divorce workshop attendee that she come back to more workshops and bring her husband along. As it happens, they are still talking, and my workshops are still Zooming. So, she might be able to get him there.
![https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/hwgJ7osrMtUWhk5koeVme7-200-80.png](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/hwgJ7osrMtUWhk5koeVme7-320-80.png)
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
A Divorce Workshop Can Get You on the Same Page
The primary benefit of bringing your spouse to a divorce workshop is that you will start to get him (or her) on the same level of understanding about divorce issues.
The first step is understanding that divorce is emotionally difficult to negotiate for both sides. It is even more challenging if the two sides start from different vantage points. Just remember how you felt the last time you dealt with someone with a completely different perspective. For example, think of the last time you tried to persuade your toddler to eat his or her vegetables.
You and your spouse cannot have all your questions answered in one workshop or a dozen. Divorce is way too complex for that. But you will both learn something. And most importantly, you will both hear the same information and may learn the same thing. And that can form the basis for a productive negotiation and path forward.
You Can Get Some Valuable Guidance
If you and your spouse do go to the same divorce workshop, take it a step further and ask the questions on the points you disagree about. At the workshop, you will get a neutral expert opinion that may be helpful. Some of the issues you could get some clarity on:
- How to achieve financial success after divorce.
- Planning for retirement with a lot fewer assets.
- Whether you can or should keep your inheritance as separate property.
- The challenge of introducing the “D” word to the kids.
- The difficulties of comparing pensions to other assets in order to divide them up fairly.
- The tax consequences.
- The potential for a creative solution.
It doesn’t matter what the areas of disagreement are. You will both hear the same answer and have a starting point to move forward.
In war, you want to keep to yourself all the advantages that you can. Divorce may be war, but it is different in at least one respect: it pays to make sure that your spouse is as informed as you are, because that reduces your legal bills and gets you closer to the finish line faster.
Heck, it is also worth it to find out that your position might be incorrect. That too can form the basis for moving on.
You should note that what you hear in a divorce workshop can be great information, but it is not “advice.” Because every situation is unique, you will have to go back to a professional for objective advice. However, all journeys start with one step forward. Getting on the same page can be that important first step.
Get Kiplinger Today newsletter — free
Profit and prosper with the best of Kiplinger's advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and much more. Delivered daily. Enter your email in the box and click Sign Me Up.
Chris Chen CFP® CDFA is the founder of Insight Financial Strategists LLC, a fee-only investment advisory firm in Newton, Mass. He specializes in retirement planning and divorce financial planning for professionals and business owners. Chris is a member of the National Association of Personal Financial Advisors (NAPFA). He is on the Board of Directors of the Massachusetts Council on Family Mediation.
-
Visa Is the Worst Dow Stock Wednesday. Here's Why
Visa stock is down sharply Wednesday after the credit card company came up short of revenue expectations for its fiscal Q3.
By Joey Solitro Published
-
Another Analyst Moves to the Sidelines on Tesla Stock After Earnings
Tesla stock is spiraling Wednesday after the EV maker's big earnings miss and Wall Street has been quick to weigh in. Here's what you need to know.
By Joey Solitro Published
-
Confused by Annuities? Making Sense of the Different Types
Many investors aren't sure if annuities are a good option for meeting financial goals. Let's look at the different categories, along with their pros and cons.
By Kris Maksimovich, AIF®, CRPC®, CPFA®, CRC® Published
-
Talkin' 'Bout My Generational Wealth: Baby Boomers
With retirement, each generation has different priorities and challenges. For Baby Boomers, it's a matter of ready or not, here it comes.
By Alvina Lo Published
-
How to Avoid a Big Hassle if Your Financed Car Gets Wrecked
How an insurance check is made out for repairs can cause a world of problems if the lienholder is left out.
By H. Dennis Beaver, Esq. Published
-
Estate Planning Strategies to Consider as Election Nears
Are big changes in tax laws coming soon? Not likely, but you might want to take advantage of higher estate and gift tax exemptions well before the end of 2025.
By David Handler, J.D. Published
-
How to Get Your Money's Worth From Your Financial Adviser
A good financial adviser will focus on how your financial planning and investment strategy align with your lifestyle and aspirations.
By Pam Krueger Published
-
Think of Prenups and Postnups as Financial Planning Tools
These contracts provide a clear framework for asset management and protection and are especially useful if you get married later in life.
By Andrew Hatherley, CDFA®, CRPC® Published
-
Congratulations on Your Raise: Three Things to Do With It
We're not saying you shouldn't spend it on a new car, but there are some considerations to guard against lifestyle creep and to help ensure a comfy retirement.
By Andrew Rosen, CFP®, CEP Published
-
Check Off These Four Financial Tasks to Finish 2024 Strong
The new year is a popular time to set financial goals, but now is the ideal time to check how you're doing. Four tweaks could make a big difference.
By Daniel Razvi, Esquire Published