Three Ways to Help Your Adult Children Without Spoiling Them

Three generations of men (grandson, son and dad) sit with their arms around each other on a bench.

(Image credit: Getty Images)

There is definitely a sweet spot when it comes to family wealth. Not enough money comes with problems. Too much money comes with different problems. The numbers are different for everyone.

One thing I’ve seen among the wealthier families we work with is a hesitation to give money to their kids for fear they will run into the problems that come with too much.

I often tell these folks that money can be a rope, or it can be quicksand. It can help your kids up, or it can totally sink them. This depends on the amount of money, the method and, most important, the kid.

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Below are three ways to help your adult child get ahead without having to fear it will sink them. The common thread is that each of these expenses lasts for a finite period.

In working with retirees, I am much less worried about one-time expenses than I am about smaller, ongoing debits. You can plan for something with an end date.

As with all gifts, use the airline oxygen mask example: Make sure you put on your mask first to ensure you have enough money for yourself before you pass it down.

You can use a free version of our planning software to help you.

1. Help with education costs

Since we are talking about adult children, I am going to skip the undergraduate conversation, though I do have feelings about it.

When I was 22, I was sitting in an ING office in Philadelphia. One of the many people I shared my “office” with asked our boss what stock he thought they should buy. The boss said, “If you have enough money to buy stocks, invest in yourself instead and go get your CFP.”

The CFP (CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™) certification is one of the less expensive professional development programs, but when you consider the cost of going back to school, taking a review and paying for the exam, you’re probably paying about $10,000.

The return on investment on this will be significantly more than what you can earn in the market. This is the example I gave because it’s the industry I know best, but these programs exist for most professions and can be a great way to help your kids get ahead.

Your Millennial or Gen X children may be beyond this point, but still may be struggling to save for their own kid’s college. Even a few hundred bucks a month into a 529 plan for your grandkids is a huge help.

2. Help with a down payment on a home

Homeownership in major metro markets has been put out of reach of many Millennials and most Gen Zers. Demographic trends, shortage of supply and high interest rates are all working against them.

Much of this recent pain is a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. However, the shortage goes back to the 2008 global financial crisis. The silver lining is that with the inflation we have seen over the past few years, we have also seen wages grow significantly. Many of your kids can afford the monthly payment, just as they do their rent.

The median home price in Washington, D.C., is about $600,000. A 20% down payment, plus $20,000 for closing costs, means your kids would have to scrape together $140,000 so they can afford the payment and aren't stuck with private mortgage insurance.

That’s tough to picture for someone in their 20s or early 30s. Helping your kids get to 20% will help them instantly build equity.

3. Help pay for child care

If you study trends of income vs expenses over a typical lifespan (as I realize almost no one does), you’ll find things are tightest, and most likely to cross into the red, in the early years of having kids.

You have all the one-time expenses: cribs, fancy strollers, car seats, etc. But the big one, the one that everyone complains about, is daycare.

We pay about $16,000 a year for our 2-year-old’s preschool. Fortunately, my wife’s schedule can support this, and we have the means to pay for it, but this is a real struggle for a lot of people I talk to.

Once again, the benefit of helping during this period is that the timeframe is finite. Once kindergarten rolls around, there is a free option.

Wanting to save for your kids' retirement?

You may have noticed that I didn’t recommend saving for your kids in a Roth IRA or other investment vehicle. I don’t think it’s a mistake to do this, but I consider my own situation: I didn’t have the wiggle room to save in my early 20s.

As a financial planner, I have seen a million versions of those charts that show how much you need to save per month based on your starting age to hit $1 million. The amount you have to save gets exponentially higher the later you start.

This forced me to create the capacity to save. It forced me to limit spending that I may not have limited if my parents had been saving for my retirement. I think the tradeoff of missing a few years of savings was worth a lifetime of better habits.

Disclaimer

This article was written by and presents the views of our contributing adviser, not the Kiplinger editorial staff. You can check adviser records with the SEC or with FINRA.

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After graduating from the University of Delaware and Georgetown University, I pursued a career in financial planning. At age 26, I earned my CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ certification. I also hold the IRS Enrolled Agent license, which allows for a unique approach to planning that can be beneficial to retirees and those selling their businesses, who are eager to minimize lifetime taxes and maximize income.