More Than Half of Couples Say This One Thing Justifies Divorce (and It's Not Infidelity)
An open conversation between you and your partner about finances, before you move in together or get married, can help save you from the biggest argument couples have: money.
It doesn't matter if you've been with your partner for decades or just a few years — there are important topics every couple needs to discuss. Communication styles, family goals and dreams for the future are a few common topics, but what about discussing your finances and the best ways to handle them?
The top stressor for relationships is money, and many couples will avoid the topic altogether or start hiding purchases from each other. More than half think significant debt is a good enough reason for a divorce.
While it might be uncomfortable to bring up, having open communication about your finances is important for a healthy relationship. If you're not sure where to start or what to discuss, I have a few topics of conversation that I share with all of my clients.
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1. What are our long-term goals?
Knowing the milestones you each want to work toward will help you create a financial plan that meets your needs. Talk about the lifestyle you each want to have. Do you want to buy a nice home or spend more money on experiences?
Think about your desired lifestyle in retirement, as well. Some couples I work with want to stay home and spend time with family, while others want to travel the world. Having a general idea of how you'll spend your time in retirement will help you know how much to save.
2. How will we tackle our debt?
First, sit down with your partner and figure out exactly how much debt you have.
- Have you put a lot of money on credit cards?
- Is this debt together or separate?
- Do either of you still have student loans to pay off?
While joint debt should be a responsibility you tackle together, individual debts might be up to you.
Now that you know how much debt you have, how will you begin to pay it off? First, you need to organize it. Keep track of your debt by looking at the interest rate, minimum payment and days your payment is due.
When you have a clear picture of all of those, you can choose which debt to pay off first and the method you'll use.
Two of the most common methods that I share with my clients are the avalanche and the snowball.
- The avalanche method focuses on tackling debt with the highest interest rate first.
- The snowball method focuses on paying off the credit card with the smallest balance first.
The method you choose will all depend on what kind of debt you have. It's important that you sit down with your partner and a financial adviser to see which is best for you.
3. What is your money personality?
- What do you think you spend the most money on?
- What about your partner?
- Are you the spender in the relationship or the saver?
Those with a spending personality tend to have a harder time sticking to a budget and paying off debt. Savers value a budget and take pride in managing the household bills.
For many couples, their goals and interests for spending their money are not the same. No matter how long you've been together, take time to ask each other what your saving and spending goals are. Your partner might have an expensive hobby such as golf, while you prefer staying at home to read or watch movies.
Knowing the money personalities you and your partner bring into the relationship will help you better understand one another's financial priorities.
Talking about money personalities early on in a relationship will help you decide how financially compatible you are.
4. Should we combine our finances or keep them separate?
Do you approach things in your relationship with a "what's mine is ours" mindset? What about your partner? It is up to you whether you want to combine your finances into one account or keep them separate, but you and your partner must agree.
Less than half of married adults combine their finances, while about one in four keep their finances separate. Nowadays, it's becoming more common for couples to have a mix of both combined and separate accounts. However, studies have found that married couples who merge finances tend to be happier than those who don't.
If you choose to go the separate route, make sure you have a clear conversation about who will pay for what. Who will cover specific bills each month? If you have children, who is paying for school lunches or extracurricular activities? Some couples divide expenses 50-50, while others assign expenses based on each partner's income. No matter how you decide to split things, write it all down. Having a clear spending plan will help avoid any confusion or arguments in the future.
Final thoughts
Open communication is important in all aspects of your relationship, but this is especially true when you're dealing with money. Almost half of adults in relationships have hidden a financial secret from their partner, but withholding information from one another isn't going to make your financial problems go away.
Remember, you are a team, so try to work together and avoid any individual financial decisions. Lastly, don't be afraid to ask for help! A financial adviser can be a helpful mediator if you and your significant other are having a hard time discussing your finances.
Drake & Associates is an independent investment advisory firm registered with the U.S. Securities & Exchange Commission. This is prepared for informational purposes only. It does not address specific investment objectives, or the financial situation and the particular needs of any person who may view this report. Neither the information nor any opinion expressed it so be construed as solicitation to buy or sell a security of personalized investment, tax, or legal advice. The information cited is believed to be from reliable sources, Drake & Associates assumes no obligation to update this information, or to advise on further development relating to it. Past performance is not indicative of future results.
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