Do Your Family a Final Favor and Write Them a Love Letter

A man's hand grips a fountain pen, preparing to write on a piece of paper.

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published 27 August 2025

Editor's Note: This is part two of a four-part series about how to create your own Estate Planning Playbook. Part one, From Wills to Wishes: An Expert Guide to Your Estate Planning Playbook, introduced the concept and explained how to get started. This article focuses on a powerful but often overlooked tool: the family love letter.

When a parent passes away, their children are often left planning a funeral while navigating grief.

Driven by love and a desire to honor Mom or Dad, families spend countless hours selecting a venue, arranging catering, notifying friends and relatives.

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They're also tasked with making deeply personal decisions such as whether to cremate or bury, what music to play or what should be engraved on the tombstone.

These decisions can feel overwhelming, and when siblings or extended family members have different ideas, it can also lead to friction.

The Kiplinger Building Wealth program handpicks financial advisers and business owners from around the world to share retirement, estate planning and tax strategies to preserve and grow your wealth. These experts, who never pay for inclusion on the site, include professional wealth managers, fiduciary financial planners, CPAs and lawyers. Most of them have certifications including CFP®, ChFC®, IAR, AIF®, CDFA® and more, and their stellar records can be checked through the SEC or FINRA.

That's why one of the most meaningful gifts you can leave behind isn't just your financial assets — it's guidance.

A family love letter is a personal document, separate from legal estate-planning tools, that outlines your preferences for how you want to be remembered and celebrated.

It offers loved ones the peace of knowing they're honoring your wishes, and it reduces the stress of guesswork during an already difficult time.

What to include in a family love letter

This letter can spell out your preferences for your end-of-life celebration, including details such as:

Open or closed casket
Burial or cremation
Who you'd like as pallbearers
Music you'd like played
Whether there's a particular florist or caterer you prefer
What you'd like engraved on your tombstone
Whether you've prepaid for a funeral, burial plot or death certificates

My 89-year-old Aunt Patty prepaid for five death certificates so her kids wouldn't have to deal with the hassle. All the paperwork was ready at the funeral home, and no one had to scramble to figure out how to get certified copies for the bank, the insurance company or the Social Security office. It was a small step that made a big difference.

Even if you've had conversations with your family before, writing everything down leaves nothing open to interpretation. It can also help clarify your values and what's most important to you being remembered, honored and communicated.

Avoiding conflict during a difficult time

The idea for the letter came to me after my mom passed away. My sister and I had different ideas about how to plan her celebration of life, and when emotions are already running high, even small decisions can spark tension.

Our biggest disagreement was what to write on her tombstone. We ultimately found a solution by walking 50 yards to our grandmother's grave and copying the inscription, thinking, "If this is what Mom chose for her mother, it's probably what she'd want for herself, too."

That moment stayed with me. I realized that if my mom had simply told us what she wanted, or written it down, it could have spared us a painful argument.

The letter gives your children (and other loved ones) clarity and the reassurance that they're doing right by you.

Once you've written your letter, don't tuck it away. Hold a family meeting to go over it. Walk them through your end-of-life wishes and give them a copy.

This is also a natural opportunity to explain who holds your power of attorney for financial and medical decisions, who your executor is and why you made those choices. Sharing this context up front can ease tensions and prevent resentment.

If you have a living trust, it's also a smart time to give them a copy so they're not scrambling to find it later.

You might also consider having everyone present sign a short document confirming they attended the meeting and heard your wishes firsthand. This kind of documentation could help resolve future legal challenges by showing that your intentions were clearly communicated and acknowledged.

A love letter, not just a list

Your letter isn't just about logistics; it's a final act of care. It can include messages of gratitude, reflections, even a few last words you'd like your family to hear. It doesn't need to be formal or poetic, just honest and from the heart.

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While some people use this letter to jot down personal requests about belongings, pets or household accounts, we'll explore those often-overlooked details in the next installment of this series.

Those practical issues, such as who gets Grandma's ring, what happens to the dog or how to keep the lights on, can create surprising complications if they're not addressed. Fortunately, they're easy to plan for with the right approach.

A win-win for you and your family

Today's families are more blended, more geographically spread out and often more complex than in generations past. The family love letter is a way to bring clarity and unity at a time it's needed most.

It lets your children and loved ones focus on what matters: honoring your life and legacy without the stress of second-guessing your wishes. It's a powerful final gift and an essential part of a thoughtful estate planning playbook.

In the next installment of this series, we'll go beyond the funeral and explore how to plan for the everyday details that are often overlooked, including who should inherit meaningful family heirlooms, how to ensure pets are lovingly cared for and what to do about bills and household logistics while the estate is being settled.

These small decisions can create big stress if left unaddressed, and your playbook can help prevent that.

Securities and insurance services offered through Osaic Wealth, Inc. member FINRA/SIPC. Investment advisory services offered through NWF Advisory Services, Inc. Osaic Wealth is separately owned and other entities and/or marketing names, products or services referenced here are independent of Osaic Wealth.

Disclaimer

This article was written by and presents the views of our contributing adviser, not the Kiplinger editorial staff. You can check adviser records with the SEC or with FINRA.

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Eric is a prominent figure in the Long Beach community, where he has made significant contributions both professionally and philanthropically. As the President and Founder of Octave Wealth Management, Eric has steered his financial planning practice to new heights since its rebranding and expansion in 2024. His career, which began in 1997, has been marked by a steadfast dedication to excellence, reflected in the success and growth of his practice.