What to Do If You’re Divorcing Your Valentine
Breakups can be messy and very expensive, but here are six things you can do to prepare financially and emotionally that could help ease the pain.
Are you stuck in an awful marriage and just the thought of Valentine’s Day makes you cringe?
If you are, you might want to do something other than play Love Stinks by The J. Geils Band over and over.
For those thinking about getting divorced, here is some advice from my book, He Said: She Said: A Practical Guide to Finance and Money During Divorce:
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
1. Know your financials. Do your best to understand what you have in your bank accounts, retirement funds, pensions and other investments. Find out the details on your insurance policies, home mortgage details and amounts paid in federal and state taxes. Understand the ramifications of selling things like investments and property, as such actions can bring added taxes and tax penalties. Know what debts are owed and even get your credit reports so there are fewer opportunities to be surprised. If you do not know about all these types of information, you will be at a disadvantage.
2. Hire the right professionals. Laws are too complicated and it is too easy to get taken advantage of, so bring in the right partners to help. People getting divorced cannot just trust a friend who has gone through it already, as every situation is unique with its own complications. Build what we call a Circle of Support. This may include a divorce lawyer (or mediator), therapist, a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, a mortgage broker and a forensic accountant.
3. Prepare to have less money going forward. Splitting the income and assets may seem manageable, but many couples do not factor in the realization that expenses will be getting doubled. From added rent or mortgages to additional utilities payments … these costs add up quickly. Plus, the costs of a divorce can be outrageous. In many cases, we advise our clients to sell their homes, because if they keep them they will become “house poor.”
4. Try to set aside emotions. Too often we see couples pay lawyers thousands of dollars to fight over items that are not valuable at all. It is easier said than done, but it is important to be as rational as possible. Do your best to avoid a long, drawn out, nasty battle. Your feelings will heal, but your financial situation might not.
5. Know the estate plan. Have all the information related to beneficiaries, wills, trusts, power of attorneys, health care proxies and more. Would you want your ex-spouse deciding whether you should stay on life support?
6. Put your children first. If you have kids, make every effort to have them feel loved, safe and not abandoned. Don’t share inappropriate details, but make sure the kids know the divorce is not their fault. It can be a very difficult time for them, so consider getting advice from a counselor and hiring a therapist.
We hope you will not need this guidance and your Valentine’s Day is wonderful. But just in case your situation is not right, then hopefully this advice is helpful.
Barbara Shapiro is the President of HMS Financial Group located in Dedham, Mass. She is a CFP®, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and a member of the Massachusetts FPA. She is also co-author of He Said: She Said: A Practical Guide to Finance and Money During Divorce.
Her firm specializes in comprehensive financial planning with a subspecialty in divorce that assists clients’ transition from marriage to independence with peace of mind and confidence. Learn more at HMS-Financial.com.
HMS is a Registered Investment Advisor. Securities offered through Cadaret Grant. Member FINRA, SIPC.HMS Financial Group and Cadaret, Grant are separate entities.
Disclaimer
Securities and Advisory Services offered through Cadaret, Grant & Co., Inc., a Registered Investment Adviser and Member FINRA/SIPC. HMS Financial Group and Cadaret, Grant & Co., Inc. are separate entities.
To continue reading this article
please register for free
This is different from signing in to your print subscription
Why am I seeing this? Find out more here
Barbara Shapiro is the President of HMS Financial Group located in Dedham, Mass. She is a CFP®, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and a Financial Transitionist®. She is also co-author of "He Said: She Said: A Practical Guide to Finance and Money During Divorce." Her firm specializes in comprehensive financial planning with a subspecialty in divorce that assists clients' transition from marriage to independence with peace of mind and confidence. Learn more at HMS-Financial.com.
-
Stock Market Today: Nasdaq Soars Ahead of Tesla Earnings
The EV stock rose nearly 2% ahead of its highly anticipated Q1 earnings report, due after tonight's close.
By Karee Venema Published
-
GM Stock Accelerates After Earnings Beat
General Motors beat expectations for the first quarter and raised its outlook for the year. Here's what you need to know.
By Joey Solitro Published
-
Four Tips to Make Your Sales Presentation a Winner
Being prepared and not being boring can go a long way toward persuading a potential customer to buy into what you’re offering.
By H. Dennis Beaver, Esq. Published
-
Pros and Cons of Waiting Until 70 to Claim Social Security
Waiting until 70 to file for Social Security benefits comes with a higher check, but there could be financial consequences to consider for you and your family.
By Patrick M. Simasko, J.D. Published
-
Now Could Be Time for Private Investors to Make Their Mark
The venture capital crunch may be easing, but it isn't over yet. That means there could be direct investment opportunities for private deal investors.
By Thomas Ruggie, ChFC®, CFP® Published
-
How to Stop Boredom From Ruining Your Happy Retirement
Retirees who explore new interests and have an active social life are more likely to find joy — and even greatness — in the newfound freedom of retirement.
By Richard P. Himmer, PhD Published
-
The Life-or-Death Answers We Owe Our Loved Ones
How our life ends isn’t always up to us, but that question too often must be answered by loved ones and health care workers who don’t know what we would want.
By Joel Theisen, RN Published
-
Hot Tips for Home Buyers and Sellers Right Now
Real estate looks to be especially hopping this spring, thanks to pent-up demand and buyers adjusting to higher mortgage rates. Here’s how you can prepare.
By Pam Krueger Published
-
Is 100 the New 70?
Eating well, exercising, getting plenty of sleep and managing chronic stress can help make you a SuperAger. Funding that long life requires longevity literacy.
By Phil Wright, Certified Fund Specialist Published
-
Nine Lessons to Be Learned From the Hilton Family Trust Contest
Disclaimers, good communication, post-marital agreements and more could help avoid conflict in a family after the owners of a wealthy estate pass away.
By John M. Goralka Published