Six Money Mistakes of Newlyweds

published 28 April 2009

Four words no one wants to hear soon after his or her wedding day: "We made a mistake."

I’m talking about financial choices -- not your choice of spouse. Unfortunately, many newlyweds set themselves up for failure soon after they say "I do." If you bring bad money habits to the marriage or fail to come up with a plan to merge your financial lives, you could potentially doom your relationship to money trouble -- and endless arguments. Not exactly "happily ever after."

Subscribe to Kiplinger’s Personal Finance

Be a smarter, better informed investor.

Save up to 74%

https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/hwgJ7osrMtUWhk5koeVme7-200-80.png

Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters

Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.

Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.

Ideally, you want to have this conversation before walking down the aisle. After all, there are good marital surprises ("Didn't I tell you I'm a gourmet chef?") and bad surprises ("Didn't I tell you I have $20,000 in credit-card debt?"). Full disclosure is in order here -- and that includes your shoe fetish or gambling habit. For tips on what to discuss, see Ten Questions to Ask Before Saying 'I Do.'

Now that you're settling into your new life together, it's time to discuss the b word. No, not baby. Budgeting. You're merging two spending habits and two saving habits into one household. So even if you had a budget when you were single (pat on the back), you've got to make a new one with your husband or wife to include his or her income, debts and monthly expenses. That will help to ensure you have enough money left over for that other b word -- Bahamas.

Use our budget worksheet to start. Your first step is to write down your fixed expenses -- such as your rent, car payment, insurance premiums and student-loan payment. You should also make a habit of contributing to your savings or investments as if you were paying a fixed bill each month. Then write down your flexible expenses, such as utility and phone bills, transportation costs, groceries, trips to the ATM, and miscellaneous purchases. Track your actual spending for a couple of months to see where your money really goes, then find the spending leaks and plug them. Building a budget is a great way to set common spending and saving goals, identify problems, and work together to fix them.

There's nothing wrong with letting one person take over the family finances, as long as both partners are okay with that decision. But that doesn't mean the other partner should be excluded. It's important for each person not only to feel involved in the big financial decisions but also to have an understanding of the day-to-day finances. You each need to know all your different account information, passwords and bill due dates in case anything were to happen to the other person. And no matter how you divide the responsibility, it's a good idea to have a regular "money date" each month or so to make sure each of you is in the loop. You should go over your budget, review your savings progress and discuss upcoming expenses together. How's that for keeping the romance alive?

What's his is hers, and what's hers is his. Whether you decide to combine your finances or maintain a separate approach, if one of you brought debt into the marriage, it becomes a problem for both of you. You'll need to work together to come up with a plan to pay it off. However, you should never officially commingle your debt. Doing so could hurt the credit score of the other partner and make it difficult for one or both of you to get credit later. Keep existing credit-card and loan accounts in the original holder's name.

If you can help it, it's best to avoid beginning your marriage in the red. Many newlyweds make the mistake of going too far into debt to pull off the wedding of their dreams, go on an exotic honeymoon, or buy brand-new furniture and appliances for their home. Before you dig too deep, you should sit down together to determine which expenses are necessary and which are worth a splurge -- and come up with a plan to pay for it all before you spend it.

That goes for picking your money battles, too. I remember my first financial argument with my husband. We had been married two weeks, and we were doing our grocery shopping together. He wanted to buy the brand-name chocolate chips, and I felt strongly that we should save 75 cents and go with the off-brand chips. After a lengthy and heated exchange, we divided up the rest of the shopping list so that we wouldn't have to look at each other for the rest of our outing. Then we drove home in a huff. Lesson learned: Never go grocery shopping when you're hungry, tired and irritable. Oh, wait. Financial lesson learned: Don't sweat the small stuff. Was the argument really worth 75 cents? No way.

Of course, if all the little stuff is adding up to a big drain on your finances and causing you to live beyond your means, bring it up at your next money date and work together to find ways you can both cut back. (Ah, there's that compromise idea again.) But take note: It's important that you build a little "mad money" into your budget for each person to spend at his or her own discretion. (Can you imagine asking your spouse for permission every time you wanted to buy a cappuccino and a muffin, or grab a drink with some friends after work?) But as far as the big stuff goes, make it a rule to consult the other on major purchases. You don't want to come home and unexpectedly find a brand-new Mercedes in the driveway, and the bill that goes with it.