Quick Comebacks to Kids' Shopping Questions

Before you round up the children and head off to begin your back-to-school shopping, arm yourself with smart answers to 15 of their most difficult or embarrassing money questions.

By Janet Bodnar, Editor, Kiplinger's Personal Finance

Erin Burt, Contributing Editor, Kiplinger.com

August 2, 2007

We can't do anything about the oversized crowds, unhelpful sales clerks or cranky kids. But we can help you take some of the headaches out of back-to-school shopping -- the nagging "Can I have that?", the silent disappointment after being denied expensive sneakers or the outright blowup over, well, you name it.

We take 15 of your kids' most difficult or embarrassing shopping questions and highlight ways to head them off, or turn them into teaching opportunities about money management and smart consumerism.

1. "Can I have those $150 sneakers?"

Before you go shopping, come up with a list of items you need to buy and how much you're willing to spend, then discuss your budget with the children. Explain how much you're willing to pay for shoes so you're not put on the spot in the store. If your budget allows $50 (or whatever) for sneakers, they can either shop for a pair that fits the price or pay the extra out of their own pockets.

If you object in principle to paying more than $50 for sneakers, then just say no. But if you're worried about your wallet or indulging the kids, there's no better way to teach them the value of a buck than to make them ante up their own. With a vested interest in what they buy, they're more likely to appreciate and take care of it. And when the shoes are outgrown or out of style within six months, your kids will think twice about buying a second pair. (Also see question 3 below.)

2. "Why do we shop at Bargain Barrel, not Chez Chic like the other kids?"

You may be perfectly happy with Bargain Barrel duds, but you can strike a deal with your kids. If your conscience and your wallet allow, tell them you'll buy an item or two from this season's "name" store, but not their whole wardrobe. Your son might choose the baggy shirt all the kids are wearing, but wear it over standard-issue jeans. With a limited amount to spend at the store of choice, he'll be inspired to shop harder for bargains or clearance sales (guided by you, of course). Now you've turned a classic confrontation into a win-win situation: Your kids learn how to look cool on a budget, and you still have your pocketbook intact.

3. "Can I get...(fill in the blank)?"

The list and budget referenced in question 1 will help head off this inevitable question. Inventory your children's closets and make a list of haves, needs and wants. Include a list of school supplies too. Decide with your kids what items you're shopping for before you leave the house. Then if your son gets distracted in the video game section or your daughter finds yet another pair of jeans she didn't know she needed, you can explain that the item is not on the pre-approved list. Tell them you may consider it on another trip. Chances are, the impulse will wear off. Read Don't Give in to Nagging for more strategies.

4. "You know my size. Why do I have to try it on?"

Alas, not all clothing manufacturers' use identical measurements when determining sizes. For example, a 10-year-old boy with a 25-inch waist will fit into a size ten pair of Gap jeans. At Sears, he'd need a size 12 for a Land's End pair. And an ill-fitting pair of shoes can cause a lot of pain.

Also, returning an item can create a big hassle. Some store policies are more lenient than others. You may only have a few days to exchange your purchase at one store while another gives you several months. Without a receipt, most retailers will give you store credit, not your money back. Trying on the clothes now can save time in the long run.

Still, you have to sympathize with the kids -- where's the fun in an endless afternoon of poking and tugging, tying and untying, dressing and undressing? Make the experience go smoother by encouraging children to wear clothes that are easy to change in and out of. For example, don't wear tight jeans or shirts with buttons; do wear comfortable slip-on shoes or sandals.

5. "Can I have a clothing allowance?"

Though you may shudder to think what your teen would come home with, consider a clothing allowance if she earns the privilege by passing a shopper's-ed course of your own creation.

Have her inventory every article of clothing she owns, making a list of haves, needs and wants. Determine a reasonable allowance, and let her practice matching a new wardrobe with the funds by browsing catalogs or retail Web sites. With luck, she'll learn that she can't possibly afford five silk shirts or she'll have to shop in cheaper catalogs -- both valuable lessons. Then have her join you on a shopping trip as you dish out tips on how to spot a bargain, select clothes that won't fall apart in the wash or choose clothes that are stylish but not faddish.

The final exam is an excursion on her own. Don't grade her on the choice of styles and colors -- you'll have to live with those -- but on how well she manages her money. If she shops smart, reward her with a seasonal allowance in, say, fall and spring. The idea is to teach your kids how to function in the marketplace, so when they're legally able to shop with their own credit cards, they'll show both good sense and good taste.

6. "Can I use your credit card?"

Just as children need to walk before they run, they need to learn to manage cash before they can manage credit. Giving your kids a seasonal clothing allowance several times a year will do more to develop their money management skills than handing over your credit card. Once they've mastered the discipline of living within a cash budget, you won't have to worry much about them losing their heads when they get a credit card of their own.

7. "Can I have my own credit card?"

In a word: No. (See question 6.)

However, once your kids turn 18, they'll be able to get a pocketful of credit cards without your permission or even your knowledge. To head off problems, you might want to steer your college-aged kids toward a debit card tied to their checking account, or a secured credit card with a credit line equal to the amount in a savings account. Both should keep the kids from getting in over their heads and teach them that credit has a cost.

Another alternative is for you to be the primary borrower on the card with your child as co-signer or co-borrower. That way you'd see the bills, but your child won't build an independent credit history. For more tips, read Teach Your Students About Credit.

8. "Are we poor?"

Kids often ask this question when you refuse to buy them something they want. They don't understand the concept of limits, especially as it applies to them. Explain that watching where your money goes doesn't mean you're poor. It just means you have to parcel out your income to cover a lot of different expenses. A variation of this question is, "Why are you so cheap?" Shopping for the best price or deciding not to buy something simply means you want to make your money go as far as it can. See Explaining the Budget to Your Kids for more help.

9. "Are we rich?"

Usually, what kids are really after with this question is a general idea of how you're doing (and whether now is a good time to ask you for the bike they have their eye on). One response is, "We have more money than some families but not as much as others." Another approach: "We may not be rich, but we have enough money to buy the things we need with some left over to share."

10. "Can my friend go shopping with us?"

Although having a buddy on-hand can make the trip more fun, for most big back-to-school shopping trips, it's best to leave the friend at home. Your child may be more tempted to stray from the list or buy something just because his friend likes it. And if he's not doing any shopping himself, the friend is more likely to get bored.

Shopping with the friend's parents may not improve the situation much. You'll have an extra set of adult eyes to keep the kids out of trouble, but if the partnered family doesn't share the same values or has a different-sized budget, be prepared for more tough questions. For example, if Sally's mom doesn't think the dress is too skimpy, why do you? Kurt's dad buys him whatever he wants -- why are you so cheap? (See question 8.)

11. "Can I have the SpongeBob SquarePants lunch box?"

This is one of those times you can give in without guilt. You have to buy a lunch box anyway and it's a relatively inexpensive item, so you might as well let your kids make the choice. And the next time they accuse you of never buying them anything they want, you can always come back with, "Sure I do. Remember the SpongeBob lunch box?"

12. "Can I buy that trendy outfit with my own money since you won't buy it for me?"

If you won't buy the item for your child because it violates one of your principles (the skirt is too short, the T-shirt displays a vulgar expression, etc.), stick to your guns. But if you opted out because it was too expensive, giving your children a chance to stake their own money on a purchase is a good way to teach them about the value of money. They'll be more prone to take care of the item because they had to sacrifice to buy it. Besides, when the trend passes in a matter of months or even weeks, they'll learn a valuable lesson about how expensive chasing fads can get.

13. "Can I get a part-time job after school? Then I could buy whatever I want."

Your teen's first job is to be a student, and it would be a mistake to sacrifice future job prospects to a quick boost in discretionary income. However, studies have shown that teens who work less than ten hours a week actually get better grades, on average than kids who don't work at all. But when they work more than 20 hours per week, grades begin to suffer. If your children want to get a part-time job and you don't object, limit it to around ten hours per week for sophomores, or 15 hours if they are juniors or seniors -- with the proviso that they cut back the hours if grades suffer, or be allowed to work more if they seem able to handle it.

Although your child may be old enough to earn his own money, don't assume he knows how to manage it. For ideas on how to encourage wise spending and saving habits for his new income, read Set Guidelines for Paychecks.

14. "Why didn't we get as much stuff this year as we did last year?"

Financially speaking, these aren't the best of times for American families. Parents are maxed out on credit, sitting on shrunken stock portfolios or worrying about job layoffs. Kids can sense when something's wrong -- they can't help but overhear discussions between you and your spouse, and if they're used to getting a closet full of new back-to-school clothes, they'll notice if the bounty is lighter this year. Whatever you do, don't try to shield the children by spending money you can no longer afford.

While belt-tightening may seem like a downer, it's also an opportunity to turn an indulged Generation Y into a generation wiser about managing money and setting priorities.

Children don't want or need to know all the details of your balance sheet, they just want to feel safe, and to be assured that someone is taking care of things. Tell them that, hard times or no, they will have a roof over their heads and food on the table -- and that things will get better. Asking older kids if they have any suggestions on cutting expenses or supplementing income can let them feel like they are helping the situation.

15. "Can we go home? I'm tired, hungry and bored."

Steer clear of this question by breaking up your back-to-school shopping into one- or two-hour sessions. Don't try to do it all at once. To avoid potential tantrums and irritability, make sure everyone is wearing comfortable shoes, is well fed and well rested before heading out (including yourself). If you couldn't plan accordingly, you can break the monotony of longer excursions by taking the kids out for lunch, treating them to ice cream, or stopping at a park for a few minutes to play.

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