What One Widow's Ordeal Teaches Us About Marriage and Money

"My mother was a 72-year-old widow when she met 'William' at church and was soon swept off her feet. He claimed to have lost his wife some years earlier.

"She described him as her Prince Charming — he took her to nice restaurants, social events, trips out of town, things that spoke of having money. They married after knowing each other just 10 months. During their courtship, Mom commented that William never had cash, but put everything on credit cards.

"I told her to do a background search on William — were there skeletons in his past? Was he truly well-off financially, or was it all fake? She refused, saying, 'You have to go into marriage with 100% trust, or it will not work.' From what I could see, they really did appear to love each other.

From just $107.88 $24.99 for Kiplinger Personal Finance

Become a smarter, better informed investor. Subscribe from just $107.88 $24.99, plus get up to 4 Special Issues

CLICK FOR FREE ISSUE

Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free Newsletters

Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.

Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.

Sign up

Kiplinger's Adviser Intel, formerly known as Building Wealth, is a curated network of trusted financial professionals who share expert insights on wealth building and preservation. Contributors, including fiduciary financial planners, wealth managers, CEOs and attorneys, provide actionable advice about retirement planning, estate planning, tax strategies and more. Experts are invited to contribute and do not pay to be included, so you can trust their advice is honest and valuable.

"Over my objections, she added him to her bank and investment accounts as a co-owner. Within three months, over $200,000 was gone, taken by the IRS and Sheriff's Office to satisfy outstanding judgments against him, including all the dinners, trips, everything they did together. When the money was gone, he left town.

"All of this sent her into a deep depression. Can their marriage be annulled based upon his failure to reveal that he is a deadbeat? Thanks, 'Randy.'"

The cost of loneliness

I ran this situation by Scott Levin, in his 20th year of practicing family law in San Diego with a focus on mediation. Earlier this year, he was so helpful for an article on the consequences of living together without a cohabitation agreement.

His take: You should have a professional background check done.

"Dennis, loneliness is leading more and more older people to find themselves in similar situations as your reader is describing. Trust is important, but as President Reagan said, 'Trust but verify.'

"That means, if you've got something to lose, have a background search done by a professional — such as a private investigator, instead of the 'pay $25 and discover anything about anyone' option that we see advertised all over the internet. They are often worthless."

Not so easy to obtain an annulment

Also known as a nullity, an annulment declares there never was a marriage, and there are all sorts of myths associated with this colorful and fascinating area of law, going back centuries in Western history.

One of the most common is that it is easy to obtain if based on financial misrepresentation or concealment.

"However," Levin points out, "these are generally considered weak grounds and do not typically create the basis for an annulment. So, that's why, along with a petition for annulment, it is recommended to have a fallback request for divorce. That way, time is not lost if the court rejects the nullity claim."

Was it essential to the marital relationship?

Levin adds, "To be successful with a claim of fraud, the deceived party has to establish the lie or omission was about a matter courts describe as 'essential to the marital relationship.'"

He lists several examples:

• Failing to reveal a secret child or a previous marriage
• Having a physical and incurable incapacity to engage in sexual relations at the time of marriage
• Hiding a significant criminal record
• Refusing to engage in sexual relations after the marriage

"Interestingly, while courts seldom view a spouse's pre-marriage credit card debt to be 'essential to the marital relationship,'" Levin says, "hiding compulsive gambling and resulting debt, drug addiction and related issues could, potentially, warrant an annulment."

What if financial security was a reason for the marriage?

"While misrepresenting one's financial status is generally not viewed as 'essential to the marital relationship,'" Levin notes, "with our older population, hiding poverty while creating the impression of being financially secure could be adequate. The rationale is that few people would want to go into a marriage with an impoverished leech."

Deception that does qualify for an annulment

Aside from financial issues, there are still other types of misrepresentations/omissions that could warrant a court to nullify a marriage. Levin listed several:

• Marrying to obtain a green card or solely to remain in the United States
• Committing bigamy, where one spouse is already legally married to another person.
• Marrying a person who is under the legal age to marry without parental or court consent
• Tricking a person into marriage through force or fraud
• Lacking the mental capacity to consent due to illness, intoxication or other impairment
• Marrying immediate family members, also known as incest (however, the legality of marriage between first cousins varies widely across the country)

An ounce of prevention

"Dennis," Levin went on, "as kids, we all heard the old saying, 'An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.' Applying it to people who have any degree of affluence considering marriage to someone they do not know extremely well, a prenup should be thought of as obligatory. It requires disclosure of assets and debts — potential red flags."

Levin, known as the Chief Peacekeeper™, often helps couples create fair agreements that protect both sides while avoiding painful disputes later. "A prenup is not only for the wealthy — it's a vital planning tool for anyone who wants transparency and peace of mind going into marriage."

Looking for expert tips to grow and preserve your wealth? Sign up for Adviser Intel (formerly known as Building Wealth), our free, twice-weekly newsletter.

As for people like Randy, who reached out about his mother's marriage to the deadbeat William, Levin says, "Families need to be aware of who Mom and Dad are seeing, and if the relationship appears to be moving toward marriage, hire a private investigator for a due diligence background search.

"If you are told, 'No, I trust him/her,' don't argue — just do it anyway. This is the time when loving children become parents of their parents."

To read more about how to protect older people from financial abuse and scams, check out the Kiplinger article Seven Ways to Protect Older Adults from Financial Abuse by financial adviser Thomas C. West.

Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield, Calif., and welcomes comments and questions from readers, which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993, or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1@gmail.com. And be sure to visit dennisbeaver.com.

Related Content

• A Cautionary Tale: Why Older Adults Should Think Twice About Being Landlords
• Turning 65 This Year? Here Are 10 Key Things to Know
• How to Plan for Aging in Place: Five Key Factors
• How an Expired Passport Thwarted Blackmail (and What Other Important Documents You Should Keep)
• The Unsung Hero of Aisle 5: A Tale of Forgotten Change and Compassion at the Supermarket