Question: My husband and I retired this year at 67 with $3.2 million. He's very frugal whenever we travel, which makes me resentful. How can I convince him to loosen up and live a little?
Answer: A lot of people dream of traveling in retirement. When you're not tethered to a job, it can be a lot easier to carve out the time to take some of your dream vacations.
The tricky thing, of course, is that you might find that money is tight once you’re not working. You might be hesitant to spend too much money on travel early in retirement, when your nest egg might need to last 20 or 30 years.
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What if you’ve saved a considerable amount of money, yet your partner still insists on traveling frugally?
If you and your husband just ended your careers at 67 with a $3.2 million nest egg, you should have the leeway to take a few nice trips without having to pinch pennies. If your husband doesn’t agree, it might not be that he’s cheap, but rather that he’s struggling to break free from a certain mindset and grappling with financial concerns.
A difficult shift
Some people might tell you that saving for retirement is a difficult thing, since you’re making sacrifices to fund an IRA or 401(k). But in reality, a lot of actual retirees will tell you that saving the money is the easy part. It’s managing and spending that money that’s harder.
As Thomas Carson McLean, CFP, founder and lead wealth adviser at Altruist Wealth Management, explains, “This isn’t a spending problem, it’s a mindset difference. People don’t suddenly become frugal in retirement. They’ve been working hard with that mindset for decades.”
Christine Lam, CFP, ChSNC, and investment adviser representative at Financial Investment Team, agrees.
“When one has been in the accumulation mindset of saving for the last 30 to 40 years, it can be difficult to shift this overnight into a spending mindset,” she says.
Lam explains: “Everyone has their own unique relationship with money. These habits and beliefs can lead to anxiety when it comes to spending.”
In this situation, it’s important to recognize that your husband isn’t necessarily being needlessly frugal. Rather, that frugality might be stemming from a deeply rooted fear of not having enough money for something essential down the line. That’s something you and your husband should discuss at length so you can see where he’s coming from.
As Lam says, “The fear and anxiety stemming from unexpected expenses like health care or long-term care can cause anxiety for retirees and shape their spending habits. Sometimes this leads to individuals not spending and wanting to save funds in a certain bucket for these unexpected events.”
Get professional guidance
People who seem disproportionately frugal in retirement often act that way due to a real legitimate fear. One way to alleviate those concerns is to consult with a financial planner, says Lam.
“As a financial planner, I help clients map out expenses in retirement and categorize each expense on a clear line item in their plan,” she explains. This includes accounting for rising health care costs, travel expenses, and any other relevant costs or goals.
“This can help boost peace of mind, knowing those expenses are accounted for in a bucket of funds,” she explains.
Lam also likes to map out “what if” scenarios for her clients to stress-test their plans, such as incorporating long-term care and assessing its impact on their finances.
If a professional can demonstrate to your spouse that you can afford to spend a certain amount of money on travel each year, then he might feel more comfortable opening his wallet a bit more.
Another thing you can do, says Lam, is use some of your portfolio income, such as interest and dividend payments, to supplement your travel budget. If your portfolio is doing well, it gives you more leeway to allocate money to different trips.
Ease into things slowly
When you’re not used to spending a lot of money on travel, or any other non-essential expense for that matter, it can be difficult to suddenly throw thousands of dollars at a single trip — even if you can afford to. Lam suggests easing into travel in retirement rather than planning a few elaborate trips per year when one partner is reluctant.
“Start by planning short, closer-to-home trips,” she says. “Then slowly ease into domestic travel and ultimately international travel. That way, on an annual basis, the couple can see the travel fund being spent, and it could reassure her spouse that the assets can withstand annual travel expenses.”
Make sure you have the same priorities
Your husband might be hesitant to spend money on travel due to general financial anxiety or a fear of not having enough retirement income in light of potential high-cost events, such as health issues or long-term care.
However, it might also be that he doesn’t enjoy travel as much as you do and therefore wants to spend minimally on it, so you can reserve your money for other things.
McLean suggests having a conversation to ensure there isn’t a mismatch on priorities and goals. If your husband admits that he’d rather, for example, put the money toward a second home, that’s something to talk about.
However, McLean says, if you both do agree that travel should be a priority, the key is to set a specific budget for it ahead of time.
"Call it what it is — money meant to be spent and planned to be spent," he explains.
If you specifically allocate money to travel, he says, there’s no reason not to use it for that purpose — especially earlier in retirement, when your health might be the most optimal to take those trips.
That’s something you might want to remind your husband of, too.
His mindset might be that you have many years of travel ahead of you. But you don’t know what physical state you’ll be in once you reach your 70s or later. You also don’t know how long either of you will live.
If you can afford to spend a bit more on travel now, you should take advantage of it.
As McLean says, "It’s about not wasting the one thing you can’t get more of — time."
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