Remember, You’re Worth More Than Your Money
When it comes to estate planning, it’s time for us all to look beyond the money … with an ethical will.


Let’s admit it, the financial industry has spent far too long treating end-of-life planning like a mathematical exercise. Rather than viewing it as the very human process it should be, conversations often center around taking an inventory of people’s money and assets followed by a functional decision about where different parts of their estate should go.
This is missing the point because, in truth, the things that make us who we are reach far beyond the number of properties we own or the amount of money we earn. Just ask the families of Dr. King or, more recently, the millions of health care professionals and volunteer community workers who helped us through the pandemic.
In fact, the experiences we have, the beliefs we hold and the decisions we make are as important a part of our legacy as any monetary inheritance we leave behind. And the way to capture all this non-financial worth is by crafting an ethical will to augment your traditional will.
From just $107.88 $24.99 for Kiplinger Personal Finance
Be a smarter, better informed investor.

Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
The ethical choice
Ethical wills first began to appear in the 1990s, usually in the form of a “legacy letter” written just before a person died and then bolted onto their main will as an appendix. Such letters are designed to define a person’s non-financial legacy – from details of the key milestones, places and relationships in their life to the thoughts, feelings, obstacles and lessons they experienced along the way. They can even be a place to ensure important family traditions and values are preserved and continued in future.
But valuable as a legacy letter can be, how can you communicate everything about someone’s life in a page or two? And can you really remember, so late in life, all of the events from years before that you wanted to share and what they meant to you? The answer to both questions is you can’t, which means the idea of the ethical will has to evolve.
Instead of hastily writing it in hindsight during old age, you should be constantly capturing major milestones, lessons and experiences in your life as they happen. That way, future generations of your family can read, watch and, crucially, learn from them further down the line.
Perfectly imperfect
Naturally, many of the stories you’ll want to share in your ethical will would be achievements – both professional and personal. Buying a house. Starting a business. The tale of how you met your partner and went on to build a loving relationship. All of which have incredible emotional value to everyone coming next.
But at the same time, an ethical will isn’t only about painting a picture of perfection. As people, we’re inspired by recovery, so you must also record the times you hit a brick wall, failed and came back stronger. The moment you lost your job, got divorced or faced some other challenge.
These life experiences and snippets of advice from them will help future generations avoid the same mistakes and believe they can overcome similar deep cuts in their own lives. Plus, understanding your story can often bring a sense of ease and comfort to them as regards to who they are and what their place in the world is. Why? Because they know they’re walking in the footsteps of years of family history.
Immortality … kind of
On the other side of the equation, an ethical will can enable you, as the bequeather, to fulfill that innate human desire to be eternal. To leave a legacy based not only on your material wealth, but on your relationships, intellect, ethics and life lessons. And to keep on having “conversations” with your grandkids about their financial decisions and lifestyle choices long after you die.
You can even create a matching program in which your assets are linked to a specific behavior pattern. So, if your goal is to inspire the next generation of entrepreneurs, missionaries or professors, you can expressly state in your will that anyone who decides to pursue your chosen path can reach into the family trust and get X amount of dollars to do so. In other words, you can align your financial resources to behaviors and values that are important to you from beyond the grave.
Four immediate steps to start your own ethical will
Here are four steps you can take now to begin building an ethical will:
- Read a book on what an ethical will is and make sure your financial adviser reads it too. There are loads of good ones out there, but two I particularly like are So Grows the Tree by Jo Kline Cebuhar and Ethical Wills & How to Prepare Them by Rabbi Jack Riemer and Dr. Nathaniel Stampfer.
- Invest in a five-year journal or use your phone to start recording moments, milestones and experiences.
- Create a “failure résumé” of times when things went wrong and how you learned from them.
- Make discussing your ethical will a set agenda item during your annual financial planning review.
Whatever steps you decide to take to get started on your ethical will, the key is to ensure that you’re planning for end-of-life in a way that goes beyond simply passing on your financial wealth to future generations.
Instead, you should be including all the other things that have defined your life and that can go on to help your loved ones shape theirs too. Sure, the math and the money will always be important. But believe me, you’re worth so much more than that!
Profit and prosper with the best of Kiplinger's advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and much more. Delivered daily. Enter your email in the box and click Sign Me Up.

Stephen Dunbar, Executive Vice President of Equitable Advisors’ Georgia, Alabama, Gulf Coast Branch, has built a thriving financial services practice where he empowers others to make informed financial decisions and take charge of their future. Dunbar oversees a territory that includes Georgia, Alabama and Florida. He is also committed to the growth and success of more than 70 financial advisers. He is passionate about helping people align their finances with their values, improve financial decision-making and decrease financial stress to build the legacy they want for future generations.
-
Ask the Editor — Tax Questions on the SALT Deduction
Ask the Editor In this week's Ask the Editor Q&A, we answer questions from readers on the OBBB's changes to the SALT deduction.
-
Greed, Fear and Market Volatility: A Financial Adviser's Guide to Keeping Emotions Out of Investment Decisions
Don't panic! And don't be so confident in the stock market that you overlook risk. Instead, be logical. Your retirement security could depend on it.
-
Greed, Fear and Market Volatility: A Financial Adviser's Guide to Keeping Emotions Out of Investment Decisions
Don't panic! And don't be so confident in the stock market that you overlook risk. Instead, be logical. Your retirement security could depend on it.
-
Want a Financial Adviser Who Shares Your Faith? Look for One With a CKA Designation
Financial professionals with a Certified Kingdom Advisor certification are committed to integrating biblical principles with sound financial advice.
-
10 Ways to Stay Safe From Grandparent Scams and Other Fraud, Courtesy of a Financial Planner
Scams are increasingly hard to detect, and anyone can be fooled, from older people to educated professionals. Here are 10 ways to avoid becoming a victim.
-
This Is How the Student Loan Bubble Is Primed to Pop, From a Student Funding Expert
Fueled by easy money, inflated tuition and high default rates, the student loan bubble mirrors the 2008 subprime mortgage crisis. We could be headed for a potential financial collapse. What can we do?
-
More Than Money: The Hidden Toll of Financial Abuse of Older Adults
Financial abuse from schemes involving tech support, government impostors, false sweepstakes, grandchild hoaxes and online shopping issues can cause thousands of dollars in losses.
-
I'm a Financial Planner: Here Are Three High-Impact Ways to Make a Difference With Your Dollars
The world often feels out of control, but here are three ways to use your money — through investments, charitable giving and political donations — to help create a more just and sustainable future.
-
The Unsung Hero of Aisle 5: A Tale of Forgotten Change and Compassion at the Supermarket
This supermarket manager went above and beyond to help when a child forgot her change at the checkout counter. You might be surprised at some of the complications that supermarkets face when it comes to customers' forgotten change.
-
Train, Integrate, Retain: A Strategic Playbook for Adviser Onboardings
Build a thriving practice by training new advisers with clear goals, structured processes and consistent mentorship for strong team growth.