Pass Along Life Lessons With an Ethical Will
Create a legacy letter to communicate values, experiences and life lessons to your family.
- (opens in new tab)
- (opens in new tab)
- (opens in new tab)
- Newsletter sign up Newsletter

Rebecca Schreiber, a Manhattan real estate agent, was getting her papers in order after a divorce and decided that, along with redoing her legal will, she would also write up an ethical will for her two young children. “It was a way to convey my wishes and hopes to my children,” says Schreiber, 42.
Ethical wills or legacy letters, as they are also called, are documents to “communicate values, experiences and life lessons to your family,” says Abby Schneiderman, co-founder of Everplans (opens in new tab), which helps people plan and store important documents in one place online.
Barry Baines, a hospice medical director in Minneapolis and St. Paul and author of Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper, says he first came upon the concept in the 1990s when he and his colleagues were working on a project about existential pain at the end of life. A dying young man told them his nonphysical pain was a 10 out of 10. Even though this patient was a husband and father, “he told us, ‘I feel like I’m going to die and there won’t be any trace that I was ever on the Earth.’”

Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
When Baines heard this, he recalled a book he had read about ethical wills and suggested the patient create one with some guidance from a chaplain. The patient “grabbed onto the idea like a drowning person grabs onto a life preserver,” and when it was done, he said his spiritual suffering had dropped to zero.
Baines, is also co-founder of livingwisely.org (opens in new tab), a company that, among other things, offers both guidance for creating ethical wills and trains facilitators — such as financial planners, hospice workers and those who work in faith communities — about how to help people fashion their own legacy letters.
No one needs an expert to write their own ethical will, Baines acknowledges, but services like his are a way to prompt people to do it. “Everyone is capable of doing it by themselves,” he says. “But you need that protected time to reflect and write.”
While the task may seem daunting, most people’s ethical wills aren’t long, perhaps only a page or two. For those who don’t know where to start, Schneiderman suggests writing about their personal history, favorite things, academic and professional life, religious and political views, and hopes for the future.
Be creative. Jo Kline, a retired, attorney and author of So Grows the Tree: Creating an Ethical Will, says hers is a slideshow with photos of loved ones and her favorite quotes. Or think of how a favorite hobby can convey to others your passions and beliefs. For example, says Kline, 68, of West Des Moines, Iowa, if you love cooking, take beloved recipes and annotate them with memories and hopes for future family gatherings.
Legacy letters can even be accidental. Kline discovered a two-page typewritten letter from her uncle that was saved by his brother —her father — while clearing out her parents’ house in the early 2000s. Her uncle had written the letter in 1963 on the back of a church bulletin shortly after his only child had died in an airplane crash. Although the family sent hundreds of letters back and forth between Iowa and Michigan, this was the only one saved, Kline notes.
In it, her Uncle Bill urges his brother to take walks, to worry about his mental health as well as his physical health, to keep an open mind and be tolerant of others. “When I saw it, I thought, ‘this is my uncle’s ethical will. But he didn’t have any idea what it was called.’”
For many, leaving an ethical will seems like a grandiose idea, that their lives are too ordinary or unsuccessful for them to have valuable insights to share. But the struggles are where life lessons come from, Baines says.
Kline also urges those considering writing a legacy letter to perhaps do it at life’s milestones — for instance, when you become an empty nester or when you retire. The document can also be one of self-reflection for how you want to live the rest of your life. “It’s a way to soul-search what I want the rest of my footprint to look like,” she says, to ask, “What do I stand for?”
Alina Tugend is a long-time journalist who has worked in Southern California, Rhode Island, Washington, D.C., London and New York. From 2005 to 2015, she wrote the biweekly Shortcuts column for The New York Times business section, which received the Best in Business Award for personal finance by the Society of American Business Editors and Writers. Her work has appeared in numerous publications, including The Times, The Atlantic, O, the Oprah Magazine, Family Circle and Inc. magazine. In 2011, Riverhead published Tugend's first book, Better by Mistake: The Unexpected Benefits of Being Wrong.
-
-
Considering a 1031 Exchange? The Rules You Need to Know
Taxes are an inevitable part of investing in real estate. You can, however, defer or avoid paying capital gains taxes by following some simple rules of a 1031 exchange. Yes, you read that correctly!
By Daniel Goodwin • Published
-
Stock Market Today: Stocks End the Week on a High Note
Intel stock plunged after a big earnings miss, but encouraging inflation and consumer sentiment data created tailwinds for the broad market.
By Karee Venema • Published
-
Stock Market Holidays in 2023: NYSE, NASDAQ and Wall Street Holidays
Markets When are the stock market holidays? Take a look at which days the NYSE, Nasdaq and bond markets are off in 2023.
By Kyle Woodley • Published
-
Stock Market Trading Hours: What Time Is the Stock Market Open Today?
Markets When does the market open? While it's true the stock market does have regular hours, trading doesn't stop when the major exchanges close.
By Michael DeSenne • Published
-
Bogleheads Stay the Course
Bears and market volatility don’t scare these die-hard Vanguard investors.
By Kim Clark • Published
-
Best Cash Back Credit Cards of January 2023
Smart Buying Looking for the credit card that pays the most cash back? These lenders may pay hundreds of dollars, with minimum hassle.
By Lisa Gerstner • Last updated
-
I-Bond Rate Is 6.89% for Next Six Months
Investing for Income If you missed out on the opportunity to buy I-bonds at their recent high, don’t despair. The new rate is still good, and even has a little sweetener built in.
By David Muhlbaum • Last updated
-
What Are I-Bonds?
savings bonds Inflation has made Series I savings bonds enormously popular with risk-averse investors. How do they work?
By Lisa Gerstner • Last updated
-
Your Guide to Open Enrollment 2023
Employee Benefits Health care costs continue to climb, but subsidies will make some plans more affordable.
By Rivan V. Stinson • Published
-
Watch Out for Flood-Damaged Cars from Hurricane Ian
Buying & Leasing a Car In the wake of Hurricane Ian, more flood-damaged cars may hit the market. Car prices may rise further because of increased demand as well.
By Bob Niedt • Last updated