In recent years, spring has yielded to fall as the most popular season for weddings, with 32% of ceremonies taking place in September and October compared with just 12% in June, according to The Knot, a wedding-planning website. Another tradition that is quietly changing: who pays the bill.
With the average cost of a wedding now at $36,000, the customary split — the bride’s family pays for the ceremony and reception, while the groom’s family handles the rehearsal dinner — is shifting to a more collaborative approach. “These days, it’s common to see everyone chipping in where they can, including the couple, both sets of parents and sometimes even the grandparents,” says Jessica Bishop, founder of TheBudgetSavvyBride.com. “There’s no one-size-fits-all anymore.”
Hoping to contribute to your child’s dream wedding without breaking the family bank? Here’s what experts recommend:
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Set a fixed wedding budget
Whether you’ve been saving for your child’s wedding for years or a recent engagement has triggered the discussion, assessing how much you can reasonably afford — before you commit to any amount with the couple — is critical, says Kris Maksimovich, president of Global Wealth Advisors in Lewisville, Texas.
“A lot of parents feel guilt if they can’t give as much as they think the folks next door did,” Maksimovich says. “But you don’t want to promise something you can’t deliver, and you don’t want to be eating ramen noodles the rest of your life to throw a big party, either.”
Run the numbers — your financial adviser or a money-management tool such as Monarch Money or YNAB can help — to come up with a fixed dollar amount. That’s preferable to saying you’ll pay for a certain part of the wedding or the entire reception. “Costs can easily balloon out of control when, in effect, you give a blank check,” Maksimovich says.
Talk openly about wedding costs
Once you’ve settled on an amount, sit down with the couple to talk about how much you’ll be able to contribute, so they can plan based on facts, not assumptions. “Having expectations without a discussion or agreement is what causes tension,” Bishop says.
Ideally, both sets of parents will be involved. According to Zola.com, a wedding-planning website, nearly two-thirds of engaged couples this year are getting financial support from both families, compared with just 30% for whom the bride’s family is solely responsible.
Couples themselves are contributing more, too. A survey earlier this year by The Knot found, on average, families are roughly splitting the bill, with parents covering 51% of the wedding costs and the couple getting married picking up the rest.
Find ways to cut wedding costs
The biggest driver of costs is the number of guests in attendance. “Every guest adds to your catering, rentals, invitations, favors and space needs, so trimming your list is like a built-in budget hack,” says Bishop.
A lower-cost way to include everyone the couple and families want to be part of the celebration: Host an intimate formal wedding for immediate family and close friends only, then throw a big party later at a restaurant or in one of the families’ backyards for a larger group.
Maksimovich says one of his clients recently did this, and the wedding came in at one-tenth of the cost originally budgeted. The couple then used half of the remaining budget to host a big party at a restaurant, with enough money left over to pay for their honeymoon and part of the down payment on their first home.
Other ways to save include having the wedding during the off-season (think January or February), on a weekday, or during the day instead of an evening event. Limiting fresh flowers — often costly — can help, too.
In the end, helping your child stay on budget may be as valuable as any financial contribution you make. Says Bishop, “Parents want to show up for their kids in big ways, but the best gift you can give is your support and love, not your retirement savings.”
Note: This item first appeared in Kiplinger Personal Finance Magazine, a monthly, trustworthy source of advice and guidance. Subscribe to help you make more money and keep more of the money you make here.
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