Can a Potential Employee Negotiate Conditions of Criticism?
Labor lawyer weighs in on whether job candidate with traumatizing childhood can request that prospective boss curb his management style to avoid triggering her.


“Rex,” the hiring manager of a Midwest financial services firm, phoned to ask if I had a minute to discuss something that he had never before faced. “How do I respond to a job applicant who feels that, if hired, she has a right to dictate management’s manner of criticism or discipline? Mr. Beaver, have you ever heard of such a request?”
Neither I nor any of the HR and employment law attorneys I ran this question by had, but all raised serious doubts about the underlying intention — if any — this job applicant had in mind. Her name is “Audrey,” age 22. She is about to graduate from a well-known Midwest university with a degree in finance.
Each HR and labor lawyer I spoke with raised the same question: “Is she not-so-secretly hoping to file a suit against your firm?”

Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
“Her school has been a consistent source of excellent employees, and on paper, she seems like a perfect fit. But I have to admit something just doesn’t seem right,” Rex said, adding that perhaps there was nothing to worry about, but if she agreed, “Would you chat with her and find out why she has these concerns?”
I agreed, and within minutes, I was on a video call with an intelligent, professionally dressed young lady whose attitude checked all the boxes.
Family Life Has a Huge Impact
“Oh, my gosh! Mr. Beaver! Two of my professors routinely hand out copies of your Kiplinger articles! What an honor to be speaking with you!”
“So, Audrey, tell me about yourself and what led to this very unique request? I have to be up-front. It makes you appear overly sensitive, so there must be a logical explanation. Can you help me understand what lies behind that request to limit the kinds of criticism a manager might make of you?”
That question opened a door into Audrey’s home life which, I would learn, had a profound impact on the way she was affected by hearing criticism — of anyone.
“When my parents would argue — usually over something Dad messed up — Mom didn’t address the issues. Rather, she berated him without mercy and used a sarcastic, horrible put-down tone of voice. But Dad loved Mom, and we always heard him say how much he adored her. But it was a one-way street, partly because of her cultural background. Growing up, seeing our father cry after one of Mom’s lectures, had a deep impact on me and my brother. We promised each other that we would never treat an employee, coworker or spouse that way. If Dad was upset over anything, he calmly set out the issues and asked for Mom’s help in resolving the matter. His tone of voice was always warm and respectful. He never put her down or was sarcastic.
“Dad died last year. Despite the way Mom treated him, in our last conversation before he died, he said, ‘I have been so blessed to be married to your mother.’ I cried for weeks afterwards, Mr. Beaver, learning a powerful lesson from my father about not carrying a grudge and being able to pardon those closest to us.”
Friends Warned That a Manager Would Open Old Wounds
Several of Audrey’s friends from school have been hired by this company, and all agree that the manager is competent, but “sounds like the way you describe your home life — hurtful and sarcastic when giving criticism.”
They suggested that she look elsewhere for employment, as this guy is not going to change his management style. “But I need the job and was hoping to reach an agreement as to the manner of discipline,” she explained.
Analysis From a Labor Attorney
New York-based labor attorney “RJ” provided this analysis:
- The question from a legal perspective boils down to: “Is she asking for an accommodation that she would otherwise be entitled to under the ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) due to her family experiences?”
- The entire area of emotional and psychological issues, as protected by the ADA, is an absolute, confusing swamp.
- In essence, she is saying the equivalent of, “I have a physical disability and need to have that accommodated.”
- But the two key questions are: Is she disabled? And is it reasonable to accommodate her in this regard? The answer to both questions is no.
- From a legal perspective, she does not have a disability, and it is not reasonable to require someone in management to change his management style to accommodate this applicant who grew up in a disfavored family life.
“I would tell Audrey to take the advice of her friends and look for a job elsewhere,” my colleague recommended. “Starting out in life after college, the last thing she needs is to tangle with lawyers and the ADA.”
Good, commonsense advice.
Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield, Calif., and welcomes comments and questions from readers, which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993, or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1@gmail.com. And be sure to visit dennisbeaver.com.
Get Kiplinger Today newsletter — free
Profit and prosper with the best of Kiplinger's advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and much more. Delivered daily. Enter your email in the box and click Sign Me Up.

After attending Loyola University School of Law, H. Dennis Beaver joined California's Kern County District Attorney's Office, where he established a Consumer Fraud section. He is in the general practice of law and writes a syndicated newspaper column, "You and the Law." Through his column, he offers readers in need of down-to-earth advice his help free of charge. "I know it sounds corny, but I just love to be able to use my education and experience to help, simply to help. When a reader contacts me, it is a gift."
-
Ten Cheapest Places to Live in Texas
Property Tax Looking for a cheap place to live in Texas? Look no further. These counties have the lowest property tax bills in the Lone Star State.
-
AI Is Missing the Wisdom of Older Adults: What It Means for You
AI will increasingly affect your healthcare and finances, but young workers are primarily designing the systems and getting most of the jobs.
-
The Three C's to Financial Success: A Financial Planner's Guide to Build Wealth
Consistency, commitment and confidence in your chosen strategy are more critical to your financial success than finding the 'perfect' financial plan.
-
A Financial Adviser's Guide to Solving Your Retirement Puzzle: Five Key Pieces
If retirement's a puzzle you're struggling with, try answering these five questions. The answers will guide you toward a solution.
-
You're Close to Retirement and Cashed Out: How Do You Get Back In?
If you've been scared into an all-cash position, it's wise to consider reinvesting your money in the markets. Here's how a financial planner recommends you can get back in the saddle.
-
After the Disaster: An Expert's Guide to Deciding Whether to Rebuild or Relocate
Homeowners hit by disaster must weigh the emotional desire to rebuild against the financial realities of insurance coverage, unexpected costs and future risk.
-
A Financial Expert's Tips for Lending Money to Family and Friends
What starts as a lifeline can turn into a minefield if the borrower ghosts the lender. Following these three steps can help you avoid family feuds over funds.
-
What the HECM? Combine It With a QLAC and See What Happens
Combining a reverse mortgage known as a HECM with a QLAC (qualifying longevity annuity contract) can provide longevity protection, tax savings and liquidity for unplanned expenses.
-
721 UPREIT DSTs: Real Estate Investing Expert Explores the Hidden Risks
Potential investors need to understand the crucial distinction between a REIT's option to buy a Delaware statutory trust's property and its obligation.
-
I'm an Insurance Expert: Yes, You Need Life Insurance Even if the Kids Are Grown and the House Is Paid Off
Life insurance isn't about you. It's about providing for loved ones and covering expenses after you're gone. Here are five key reasons to have it.