Should You Wed for Money Rather Than Love?
Mutual love is the ideal, but material security has also been a marital motivation since the beginning of time.
Q: I am a young widow with three children and very limited earning potential. My late husband was not much of a provider, and his death has left us in very difficult straits. I've been dating a man who is very well-off and is also very kind. He is crazy about me and my kids and wants to marry me. I am not in love with him, but I like and respect him and we have interests in common. I am hoping my fondness for him will grow over time. He could really improve my children's prospects in life. Would it be unethical of me to marry him?
Not necessarily. Your primary ethical obligation is to be honest with him about your feelings and primary motivation for marrying him. And you must be honest with yourself about whether you believe you can be faithful to him in marriage. If he still wants to marry you after this discussion, good for you. Perhaps he has the confidence to believe that you will indeed grow to love him -- or perhaps he shares your practical views on the union.
But don't be surprised if he suggests a prenuptial agreement as a hedge against the possibility that you won't make a sincere effort to make the marriage work and are just looking for a big financial score. For a prenup to be legally enforceable in the event of divorce or death, it should be entered into voluntarily and with no time pressure (that is, concluded well before a wedding date is set and announced). There must be full disclosure of each party's financial situation, and each of you must be represented by separate legal counsel.
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
Material security has been a major marital motivation for some women -- and some men, too -- since the beginning of time. Such considerations were once deemed perfectly reasonable in Western society, and they still are in many other cultures, where marriages and dowries are negotiated by parents with minimal input from the bride and groom. Mutual love is the best basis for marriage, but it could be argued that romance alone -- if not accompanied by compatibility of interests, values and mutual need -- is given too much weight today in the choice of a life mate.
Send your own money-and-ethics question to Editor in Chief Knight Kiplinger.
Get Kiplinger Today newsletter — free
Profit and prosper with the best of Kiplinger's advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and much more. Delivered daily. Enter your email in the box and click Sign Me Up.
Knight came to Kiplinger in 1983, after 13 years in daily newspaper journalism, the last six as Washington bureau chief of the Ottaway Newspapers division of Dow Jones. A frequent speaker before business audiences, he has appeared on NPR, CNN, Fox and CNBC, among other networks. Knight contributes to the weekly Kiplinger Letter.
-
Come as You Are: Wealth Management for Gen X
Gen X is stuck in the middle of kids and aging parents, but retirement's not far off. Time to prioritize, with help from Nirvana, The Eagles and David Bowie.
By Alvina Lo Published
-
New Job? Time to Start a 401(k) Plan
Whether you're starting a new job or have never opened a 401(k) account, it's time! Here's how to open an account in five steps.
By Adam Shell Published
-
Should All Student Debt Be Forgiven?
student loans My favorite reform would be making the repayment of all student loans proportional to the borrower’s future earnings.
By Knight Kiplinger Published
-
Should Lenders Mail Unsolicited Checks to Potential Borrowers?
credit & debt When it comes to preying on weak credit risks, it looks like Wall Street is at it again.
By Knight Kiplinger Published
-
Do Adult Children Have an Obligation to Support Needy Parents?
savings Even if some siblings can afford to help more than others, no one should shirk the obligation to assist in some way -- financial or otherwise.
By Knight Kiplinger Published
-
How Can the Approval Process for New Drugs Be Speeded Up?
investing There are many reform proposals, including some from free-market think tanks.
By Knight Kiplinger Published
-
Should Ethics Determine Who You Do Business With?
Smart Buying Consumers seeking to do business only with ethical companies should ask these questions.
By Knight Kiplinger Published
-
Should Colleges Use Collection Agencies for Overdue Student Bills?
college Colleges have many potent options for getting students to square their accounts.
By Knight Kiplinger Published
-
Hold Soda Makers to Account for Health Woes?
Business Costs & Regulation A strong case can be made that it’s unethical for companies to target the very customers who shouldn’t be heavy consumers of a given product.
By Knight Kiplinger Published
-
Ways to Protect Borrowers From Predatory Home Lending
real estate Land contracts drain low-income communities of resources.
By Knight Kiplinger Published