While Winding Down From the Holidays, Many Wind Up for Divorce
January is known as Divorce Month for a reason. Here's how women in particular can protect their financial future, especially when going through a gray divorce.


Here you are at home with your loved ones, celebrating your Yuletide traditions. In fact, Norman Rockwell could have captured your “joy.” Joy? Not so fast. Turn the Rockwell picture over, peel off the shaky frame and see what is really happening in its shadows to many families.
Studies have shown that January is one of the busiest times of the year for divorce filings. In fact, almost one-third of filings are done during this time; that’s why January is called Divorce Month. And the holidays can be the breaking point.
Do not start researching how mistletoe and eggnog cause the downfall of the American marriage, and don’t blame Aunt Sarah for the after-effects of her new rum-based cranberry sauce recipe. These issues were boiling way before the cranberries were

Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
Couples don’t really want to split up before the holidays. There also are more pragmatic tax reasons to wait until after the tree has been taken down, or the Hanukkah candles have burned out. But more and more women are beginning to speak up.
Wash that man right out of your hair
There is a new phenomenon happening. Divorce when you are over 50 years old is growing, really growing. We refer to divorce over 50 as gray divorce. In fact, for Americans over age 55, the divorce rate has doubled since 1990, and for couples over 65, the rate has tripled. Even more interesting: Women are initiating the split-ups.
There are many reasons why women are initiating divorces. One may be that they may have had a long-term marriage and dropped out of the workforce to raise the kids and take care of the dog and have given Martha Stewart a run for her money creating the perfect holidays. But the kids are gone, along with the dog, and when they now look across the breakfast table and ask their husband to, “Please pass the butter,” tears may fall as they may also say, “And I want a divorce.”
Often, the fire has fizzled out of the marriage, and spouses no longer share the things they did. The wife may have just “sucked it up” to stay in the marriage. Let’s face it, if she was born in 1930, she was expected to live only until age 62. Women today are expected to live nearly two decades longer. This means that a woman asking for a gray divorce has a lot of life to still live, and if she doesn’t want to live it with him, she has found her voice.
How women fare financially in a gray divorce (not well)
A gray divorce puts women at financial risk. In fact, a woman’s household income can drop as much as 40%, while a man’s income can even rise. The impact of divorce for younger generations is less pronounced because they may still be in the workforce.
Let’s not forget that there is still a gender pay gap, so a woman will earn less on average. And if she dropped out of the workforce to raise kids, it’s tough to get back into corporate America after years away, not to mention the lost Social Security deductions, lost wages and, therefore, lost savings.
I felt that this new phenomenon was so important that I have written a new book just to help women in this situation. My book, Get Off Your Assets: A Women’s Guide to Avoid Getting Screwed in Your Gray Divorce, addresses women who are considering gray divorce, are knee-deep in it or are coming out of one.
Protect and plan
If you’re a woman getting a gray divorce, I promise that you are not a victim to this — you can take charge of your financial life and design a new way forward.
Here are some things to consider:
Protect. Your first job is to get a handle on your financial life. Many women have turned the financial reins over to their husbands. They may not like to deal with money issues, didn’t care or just trusted him to do it all. It’s time to really get involved, with every detail.
Plan. You need to design your own financial future. Start to make a list of goals — where you want to live, will you want to travel, what do you want to do for entertainment, etc., and put a price tag next to each one. This will start to make it clear if you can or can’t, for instance, stay in the family home or have to move.
Team You. Do not think that you can do this by yourself. You need a team of trusted advisers who do this for a living, including:
- A lawyer. Women tend to think, “He loved me. He would never want to hurt me.” Men tend to think of money as the business side of life. Leave that “love” thinking at the door. If you were to go into business with someone, you would trust your new business partner, but of course you would also have your own lawyer. Start with that mindset and educate yourself about your legal rights. Do not use his lawyer. You need to have your own person who is representing only you.
- Financial advisers/accountants. You will need financial people to help you navigate the finances of the past and to help you build a new financial way forward. Take stock (pun intended) of all of the assets and sources of income in the relationship, including retirement accounts, Social Security, pensions, inheritances, real estate, investments, trust funds and personal property. Also, try to look at expenses that you each have incurred and what you have incurred together. Some debt may not be obvious, like student loans or loans to family or friends. This will help with the unraveling of your life together and help you to design your new solo life.
I’m here to help you every step of the way. Remember, you need not define yourself by your circumstances, but by how you deal with them.
Related Content
Get Kiplinger Today newsletter — free
Profit and prosper with the best of Kiplinger's advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and much more. Delivered daily. Enter your email in the box and click Sign Me Up.

Neale Godfrey is a New York Times No. 1 bestselling author of 27 books that empower families (and their kids and grandkids) to take charge of their financial lives. Godfrey started her journey with The Chase Manhattan Bank, joining as one of the first female executives, and later became president of The First Women's Bank and founder of The First Children's Bank. Neale pioneered the topic of "kids and money," which took off after her 13 appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show.
-
Ten Cheapest Places To Live in Florida
Property Tax Make your Florida vacation spot daily living — these counties have the lowest property tax bills in the state.
By Kate Schubel
-
I'm 50 and my home is worth $5 million. Can I retire now?
It may be oh-so tempting to cash out your upscale home and leave work for good. But should you? We ask the experts.
By Maurie Backman
-
I'm 50 and My Home Is Worth $5 Million. Can I Retire Now?
It may be oh-so tempting to cash out your upscale home and leave work for good. But should you? We ask the experts.
By Maurie Backman
-
Tesla Stock Pops as Elon Musk Promises DOGE Draw Back
Tesla reported a sharp drop in first-quarter earnings and sales, as the EV maker suffered a backlash to its CEO's political ambitions.
By Karee Venema
-
Bouncing Back: New Tunes for Millennials Trying to Make It
Adele's mournful melodies kick off this generation's financial playlist, but with the right plan, Millennials can finish strong.
By Alvina Lo
-
Early-Stage Startup Deals: How Do Convertible Notes Work?
Some angel investors support early startups by providing a loan in exchange for a convertible note, which includes annual interest and a maturity date.
By Murat Abdrakhmanov
-
Stock Market Today: Stocks Soar on China Trade Talk Hopes
Treasury Secretary Bessent said current U.S.-China trade relations are unsustainable and signaled hopes for negotiations.
By Karee Venema
-
How Can Investors Profit From AI's Energy Use?
Global energy demand is expected to grow by leaps and bounds over the next several years as AI usage accelerates. Here's how to get a piece of the pie.
By Jacob Schroeder
-
Americans Are Retiring Later: Will This Trend Last?
Given a host of pressures to keep working, Americans are retiring later in life. Will regulatory and economic forces encourage you to work longer?
By Christy Bieber
-
Can Trump Fire Powell? A Supreme Court Case Could Decide
Presidential posts threaten to overwhelm decades of precedent and tradition, whatever the nine justices decide.
By David Dittman