Do you worry about a friend or family member who is getting on in years? Perhaps you even worry about yourself? When was the last time you looked in a mirror and thought, “Where did that wrinkle come from? It wasn’t there yesterday.”
A bit scary, isn’t it? “Life is great until it isn’t, until Mom or Dad, Grandma or Grandpa — or you — slips and falls, winding up with bruised ribs at best or a hip fracture, and everything is suddenly upside down,” observes M.T. Connolly, author of The Measure of Our Age: Navigating Care, Safety, Money, and Meaning Later in Life.
Connolly is an attorney and social researcher focused on elder justice and a 2011 MacArthur Fellow. She was the founding head of the Justice Department’s Elder Justice Initiative. In my experience, she is one of a handful of lawyers truly dedicated to making a profound difference in our society instead of fattening their bank accounts.
From just $107.88 $24.99 for Kiplinger Personal Finance
Be a smarter, better informed investor.
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
We had a long and fascinating chat about the common mistakes and assumptions we often make about the reality of aging in America. Here are some of the things she says many of us do wrong:
1. Don’t plan ahead, assuming there will be plenty of time when a crisis hits.
Consequences: You have less control, less knowledge than you need to navigate options, thereby reducing your chances of a good outcome. Crises will come, and planning ahead can help you understand how to navigate the various choices, how you might pay for them and which ones might be a better fit for you or somebody in your family.
2. Don’t talk about our care preferences — who will provide it and where — assuming that when the time arises, our preferences will be totally clear.
Consequences: You end up with suboptimal outcomes for the person who needs care. One option is getting care at home, but who will provide it? A family member, a friend, a paid caregiver or volunteers from a church or a community organization? If you need or want a facility, what type makes the most sense? A nursing home, assisted living, a group home, a CCRC (continuing care retirement community)? How will you pay?
Don’t let this just happen by default. A frequent, terribly sad situation is when an older adult who already has some issues, such as mental health or developmental disability issues or substance use, is taking care of a family member. As the caregiver gets older, they’re no longer able to provide the needed support, and the tables turn. A younger person with real challenges thrust into a caregiving position can be a recipe for disaster. So address these issues well in advance.
3. Assume older caregivers can do it all alone and there is no need to involve anyone else.
Consequences: Caregiving should not be a solo endeavor, but many of these people are very much alone. So, divide the tasks: Who is going to help out on what day? Who is going to handle insurance issues? Who will drive Mom to doctor’s appointments and help with groceries?
Caregivers can’t go it alone for very long. Talk about how you’re going to support the caregiver as well as the older person.
4. Don’t plan on paying for long-term care — there’s always Medicare.
Consequences: Medicare pays only for rehab, hospice and acute care and even then with limits. It does not cover long-term care. Most private health plans do not pay at all. The expenses can wipe out a family’s finances.
Once a person is impoverished, Medicaid will cover long-term care, but it can be hard to find caregivers or a quality nursing home that accepts Medicaid. We do not have a coherent long-term-care system.
It is many families’ biggest uninsured expense. People need to understand that going in.
5. Don’t name a trusted person for your financial institution to contact in case of suspicious transactions on your account.
Consequences: Older Americans often are targeted for their money — which can be gone before you even notice that something is wrong. By adding a trusted contact to your account, the financial institution will have another person to call to say, “We think something is going on here that is problematic.”
6. Don’t designate a power of attorney for health care or finance until there is a medical emergency or a diagnosis of dementia or Alzheimer’s.
Consequences: A power of attorney is a private agreement between two people and requires mental capacity to contract. If you don’t enter into a power of attorney while the person still has mental capacity to do so, you’re stuck and your family is stuck with an expensive and onerous guardianship proceeding that strips you of your rights.
7. Don’t worry about staying in touch with other people.
Consequences: Isolation and loneliness are the enemy. They make you more vulnerable in all sorts of ways to worse physical and mental health and for being financially exploited.
8. Assume all doctors are the same and that you don’t need a geriatric specialist.
Consequences: Older people are not just graying or wrinkled adults. We have specific needs. Comprehensive care by specialized geriatric providers improves health and extends independence.
The Measure of Our Age is essential reading for older people and their families and friends, attorneys, accountants, physicians, clergy — in short, anyone who deals on a personal or professional level with the aging population of America.
And you’ll know by looking in the mirror.
Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield, Calif., and welcomes comments and questions from readers, which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993, or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1@gmail.com. And be sure to visit dennisbeaver.com.
related content
- How to Guard Your Finances in Case Cognitive Decline Sets In
- No Long-Term Care Plan? Here’s What to Do About It
- Tips for Managing Money for an Incapacitated Loved One
- Older Doctor Just Wants to Work, But New HR Boss Changes the Rules
- Understanding Our Regrets Today Can Improve Our Financial Tomorrow
-
The Most Tax-Friendly States for Investing in 2025 (Hint: There Are Two)State Taxes Living in one of these places could lower your 2025 investment taxes — especially if you invest in real estate.
-
Want To Retire at 55? See If You Can Answer These Five QuestionsWho said you can’t retire at 55? If you say yes to these questions, you may be on your way to an early retirement.
-
Potential Trouble for Retirees: A Wealth Adviser's Guide to the OBBB's Impact on RetirementWhile some provisions might help, others could push you into a higher tax bracket and raise your costs. Be strategic about Roth conversions, charitable donations, estate tax plans and health care expenditures.
-
One Small Step for Your Money, One Giant Leap for RetirementSaving enough for retirement can sound as daunting as walking on the moon. But what would your future look like if you took one small step toward it this year?
-
This Is What You Really Need to Know About Medicare, From a Financial ExpertHealth care costs are a significant retirement expense, and Medicare offers essential but complex coverage that requires careful planning. Here's how to navigate Medicare's various parts, enrollment periods and income-based costs.
-
I'm a Financial Planner: Could Partial Retirement Be the Right Move for You?Many Americans close to retirement are questioning whether they should take the full leap into retirement or continue to work part-time.
-
From Mortgages to Taxes to Estates: How to Prepare for Falling Interest RatesAs speculation grows that the Federal Reserve will soon start lowering interest rates, now is a good time to review your financial plans for housing, estate, taxes, investing and retirement to make the most of potential changes.
-
This Is How Lottery Winners Build Lasting Legacies, From a Financial ProfessionalWinning a massive lottery jackpot, like the recent $1.4 billion Powerball, requires seeking immediate legal and financial counsel, protecting your identity and winnings and planning your legacy.
-
I'm an Investment Strategist: This Is How the Fed's Next Rate Move Could Impact Your WalletInterest rate cuts might be coming, which could affect everything from your credit card debt to your mortgage. It's smart to prepare now — here's how.
-
I'm a Retirement Planner: These Are Three Common Tax Mistakes You Could Be Making With Your InvestmentsDon't pay more tax on your investments than you need to. You can keep more money in your pocket (or for retirement) by avoiding these three common mistakes.
