To Love, Honor and Make Financial Decisions as Equal Partners

Couple on sofa at home planning together with documents, pen and focused, collaborative expressions

In my work with families, one pattern stands out: The more complex the wealth, the easier it becomes for one partner to drift into the background.

This imbalance can obscure decisions and quietly erode confidence, agency and long-term financial security.

Silence around money is rarely neutral; it tends to harden into habits — who asks, who decides, who gets to have an opinion — and those habits can follow a couple into the hardest financial moments of their lives.

From just $107.88 $24.99 for Kiplinger Personal Finance

Become a smarter, better informed investor. Subscribe from just ~~$107.88~~ $24.99, plus get up to 4 Special Issues

CLICK FOR FREE ISSUE

https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/flexiimages/y99mlvgqmn1763972420.png

Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free Newsletters

Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.

Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.

Advisers increasingly see that uneven engagement becomes most problematic — and costly — during turning points such as divorce, widowhood, medical emergencies or a business crisis.

Marriage should be both an emotional bond and a financial partnership. Shared financial accountability is, in many ways, a risk-management tool; it reduces single-point-of-failure exposure.

As families and wealth grow more complex, financial roles should evolve alongside them.

About Adviser Intel

The author of this article is a participant in Kiplinger's Adviser Intel program, a curated network of trusted financial professionals who share expert insights on wealth building and preservation. Contributors, including fiduciary financial planners, wealth managers, CEOs and attorneys, provide actionable advice about retirement planning, estate planning, tax strategies and more. Experts are invited to contribute and do not pay to be included, so you can trust their advice is honest and valuable.

Practical strategies for shared financial accountability

Intentional communication. Fostering open and intentional communication about financial matters is essential in every partnership — but it's not what we say, but rather how we say it that truly matters.

Each of us has a unique money story shaped by different life experiences. These influences often persist into adulthood, shaping risk tolerance, spending habits and long-term planning styles.

Discuss childhood money experiences openly — these conversations often reveal ingrained habits, triggers and communication styles — some helpful and some limiting.

By acknowledging differences, couples can work to meet each other where they are and create a supportive environment to discuss all financial matters.

Recognize and leverage each other's strengths. Even if one partner ultimately takes the lead, both should participate in open discussions about household financial responsibilities. Strengths should guide role-sharing.

For example, one partner might excel at budgeting while the other prefers investments or tax strategy. Identifying respective strengths allows couples to divide tasks in a way that feels equitable and efficient.

Throughout this process, couples should seize opportunities to learn from each other, building shared literacy and confidence.

Establish shared goals and discuss what-if scenarios. Both partners must be aligned on their financial goals whether purchasing a home, saving for children's education or planning for retirement.

While this seems straightforward, studies show that nearly 40% of couples struggle to communicate clearly about their desires — often leading to conflict about competing priorities.

It's also important to proactively discuss potential life challenges as well (e.g. loss of a spouse, career or business transitions, economic downturns) — those curveballs that can disrupt even the best-laid plans.

Understand your monthly spending and identify discretionary expenses that could be eliminated if necessary. This practice builds preparedness and fosters shared decisions and will pay emotional and financial dividends during inevitable periods of stress and volatility.

Promote transparency and equal voice. Transparency is crucial in any successful relationship, especially when managing wealth.

Regardless of who handles the day-to-day mechanics, both partners should contribute to conversations about significant financial matters, including major purchases, savings goals, investment opportunities and potential obstacles.

Stay informed through shared access and review of key financial documents such as tax returns and estate plans. Encourage open discussions about this information and foster an environment where questions can be asked — including with advisors.

This approach helps to create a stronger sense of partnership, expands each other's financial knowledge and encourages both spouses to build relationships with outside experts.

Lead by example. Lastly, modeling these practices for children normalizes open, confident financial communication.

This equips the next generation to approach wealth collaboratively and confidently in their own relationships. Ultimately, when children witness shared accountability, they learn that wealth isn't just capital — but a partnership.

DEAL BLOCK

This information is not intended to be and should not be treated as legal, investment, accounting or tax advice and is for informational purposes only. Readers, including professionals, should under no circumstances rely upon this information as a substitute for their own research or for obtaining specific legal, accounting or tax advice from their own counsel. All information discussed herein is current only as of the date appearing in this material and is subject to change at any time without notice. Northern Trust Corporation. Head Office: 50 South La Salle Street, Chicago, IL 60603. Incorporated with limited liability in the U.S. Member FDIC.

Disclaimer

This article was written by and presents the views of our contributing adviser, not the Kiplinger editorial staff. You can check adviser records with the SEC or with FINRA.

TOPICS

Steph L. Wagner is responsible for leading Northern Trust’s advisory practice for women and oversees its Elevating Women platform. Her personal story is one of reinvention: from private equity vice president to stay-at-home mom, to single mother fearful about her financial security, to successful businesswoman. This journey inspired Steph to devote her life to educating and empowering women to take charge of their financial lives.