10 Practical Tips to Make Divorce More Tolerable

1. Don’t go it alone.

Internalizing your feelings — especially negative feelings — is a bad idea. Lean on family and friends. It is reassuring to realize that they are in your corner and will patiently listen and support you, no matter how many times you may repeat yourself.

2. Consider talking to a therapist.

Close friends and family might have great advice, but they likely do not have the professional experience of dealing with people trying to process such a painful, life-changing experience. A professional therapist can, without bias, help you sort out and examine your feelings in a nonjudgmental way.

3. Create new memories.

Most likely the shorter the marriage, the easier it is to move on. Try to get out there — meet friends for dinner, take a day trip, visit a new exhibit at the museum. In other words, build new experiences that don’t include the ex-spouse.

4. Exercise.

Staying physically active is great advice for almost everyone, but especially those in the aftermath of their marriage blowing up. Working out can release endorphins that can help lift one’s spirit. It can also be a healthy way to process thoughts that are going around and around in one’s head, in some cases defusing unneeded anger.

5. Focus on what is important.

If one has children, being the best dad or mom can make a huge difference. Even those who have grandchildren can find immense joy in spending time with the grandkids. For others, it might mean focusing on their career. Some might find that helping charities or their religious group rewarding. Whatever it is, fill the void created by the loneliness of divorce with something that is productive and refocuses your attention, while allowing you to interact with new people.

6. Embrace uncertainty.

Many of us have a vision of our future and we are on a path to get there, but divorce forces you to start over. Try to stay positive and have faith that you’ll land on your feet and will create positive new memories. It will take time to build a new life, but now you have gained experience and hopefully maturity to create a new and better you. Soon a new door will open, if it has not already.

7. Be patient.

A divorce creates a wound. Just like any injury, it takes time to heal. Some days may be better than others, but eventually you will be happy and content.

8. Forgive.

Initially hating your ex-spouse is normal, but if you have children it is very counterproductive. You will be thrown together for every graduation, wedding and funeral. Do yourself and your kids a favor and remain civil. No one expects to be best buddies with their ex, but civility is expected and required to move on.

9. Get financial advice.

One of the worst times to make financial decisions is when the emotional part of the brain fully dominates the rational side. A financial adviser, especially one who focuses in helping those through divorce, can guide individuals through very difficult decisions, like whether to keep or sell a house, what is an appropriate revised retirement plan and so much more. Bad financial decisions can only compound the negative ramifications of a divorce, so get help.

10. Be grateful.

You have had a bad experience, but now you have the ability to wipe the slate clean and start over. Embrace the opportunity to use you prior experience and create a new life that makes you happy and content. If you have the right mindset and are resilient, you can and will have a great life.

If you find yourself going through divorce, or recovering from one, remember that you are closing one chapter of your life, but one chapter does not make a novel.

Securities and Advisory Services offered through Cadaret, Grant & Co., Inc., a Registered Investment Adviser and Member FINRA/SIPC. HMS Financial Group and Cadaret, Grant & Co., Inc. are separate entities.