A Matter of Trustees: Is Your Spouse the Best Person to Manage the Kids' Trusts?

Naming your spouse as trustee can provide invaluable familial insight and continuity, but you should carefully weigh those benefits against potential risks, such as a like a lack of financial experience or the possibility of family conflict.

By Marguerite Weese, JD, LL.M.

published 11 February 2026

in Features

A family of four relaxing together on the sofa

As we approach mid-February, many of us might be feeling the pressure to start working on one of the goals we set for our new year: Getting estate plans done to better protect those they love.

The urgency to get this accomplished can be especially difficult and forces us to ask tricky, fraught questions. This could include, "Is my spouse really the best person to manage the trusts I establish for our children?"

Roles matter

A trustee is a critical component to ensure your wishes are carried out as part of your estate plan. This person is named in trust documents to legally manage and administer the assets in that trust (i.e. cash, investments, real estate, etc.) according to the terms of the documents and in the best interests of the beneficiary.

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This all sounds pretty cut-and-dried — except for the fact that you're no longer here and have to believe that your wishes will be obeyed when you're gone.

Managing trust assets can include investing as well as distributing assets to beneficiaries. The law requires a trustee to follow the terms of the documents.

What should you look for in a trustee? Is your spouse — no matter how much you love that person — the best at meeting these qualities?

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Financial acumen. Part of the role of a trustee is to manage the assets. The trustee should understand investments and their relative performances, whether he or she manages the assets or hires a third party to do it.

Organizational and record-keeping skills. The trustee needs to keep track of assets held in the trust, as well as any distributions. Is your trustee candidate organized?

Communication. Beneficiaries must be kept informed about trust administration and provided accounting results.

Integrity. The role of trustee requires a high standard of care and sense of duty to the beneficiaries. You want someone with strong moral principles.

Time and availability. Depending on size and complexity, the trustee's role could be minimal or more significant depending on how much attention the trust assets require and the needs of the beneficiaries.

Understanding you. The trust itself will contain documentation about your wishes, but it won't be able to spell out every situation and contain what your intent would be as decisions arise.

Willingness to take on responsibility. Since the role of trustee is not insignificant, the trustee must be willing and able to take on this role.

Location. In our virtual world, location may seem somewhat less important, because we can easily transact business over the phone or internet. But there is something to be said for proximity to beneficiaries to better understand their needs and circumstances.

Age. Age plays a role because a trustee is legally required to be 18 or older. You also want to ensure the individual is mature enough to manage the assets and have the judgement required to make important decisions.

On the other hand, older trustees might not outlive a trust's duration, depending on the beneficiaries' ages and/or the purpose of the trust.

These are hard questions, increasing the importance of getting outside advice. An adviser who's done this kind of work can serve as an important moderator for difficult questions and scenarios — made even more tricky by the fact that you're acknowledging mortality in these discussions, which makes them potentially emotional.

Charting a course

Once you know which characteristics are most important in a trustee, you can begin to look at potential candidates:

Family
Friends
Professional trustees (e.g. trust company, attorney, financial adviser)

Benefits and drawbacks of a spouse to play this role:

Benefits:

Privacy and control. Can manage affairs privately, maintaining family discretion
Familiarity. They know the child(ren), their personalities and their needs the best
Continuity. Not introducing someone new to the child or situation at the passing of the spouse, which is already a lot of change.
Understands your intent/wishes. Likely to manage the trust in a way that aligns with your values and intentions
Time. Willingness to dedicate time
Cost effective. May waive or charge minimal fees for administration

Risks:

Experience gap. There's no guarantee the individual has the technical skills needed to fulfill the role: financial acumen, bookkeeping, etc.
Conflict risk. Complex family situations (e.g. stepchildren, blended families) might warrant independent oversight to prevent disputes or perceived inequities.
Unnecessary tensions. Could create a stressful dynamic between the surviving spouse and the children, particularly as they become adults.

Luckily, there isn't a single solution, and who you name can change over time as the dynamics of the situation change (such as everyone getting older).

Creating strategies

There are plenty of ways to create a trust structure that will help alleviate tension and make all parties feel invested in the planning and administration of your assets.

Create co-trustees. Combine a family member or friend for personal insight with a professional. As child beneficiaries get more mature, consider having them become co-trustees of their own trusts to create buy-in of trust structure and benefit, ownership and encourage financial education.

Name viable successors. As the initial trustee no longer makes sense because of changing factors (e.g. age, time, location, etc.) have a logical successor already named to step into the role.

Organize. Consider structuring your trust to divide responsibilities and roles:

Administrative trustee. For bookkeeping, tax filing, etc.
Distribution adviser. To determine how much and for what purposes.
Investment adviser. To manage and preserve the trust's assets.
Professional/corporate trustee. To provide continuity and professional oversight.
Individual trustee. To provide familial insight and be able to remove or replace a professional.
Trust protector. To provide oversight and administrative safeguards, ensuring the trustee acts according to the trust's intent

None of these decisions or discussions are easy. However, we have found that once they begin, they become progressively easier.

Determining who should be the trustee of a trust for your children ultimately depends on your personal facts and circumstances.

Naming a spouse as trustee can leverage their insight and commitment to your vision for your/their children and can also create cost efficiencies and continuity.

But if you're concerned about drawbacks, don't be afraid to think about alternate and complementary tactics to reduce your apprehensions and make these decisions more about partnerships and less about traditional roles and thinking.

This article is for general information only and is not intended as an offer or solicitation for the sale of any financial product, service or other professional advice. Wilmington Trust does not provide tax, legal or accounting advice. Professional advice always requires consideration of individual circumstances.

Wilmington Trust is not responsible for any errors or omissions contained in this article.

All information is provided "as is," with no guarantee of completeness, accuracy, or timeliness, and without warranty of any kind, express or implied.

Wilmington Trust is not liable to you or anyone else for any decision made or action taken in reliance on any information in this article. Opinions are subject to change without notice.

Wilmington Trust is a registered service mark used in connection with various fiduciary and non-fiduciary services offered by certain subsidiaries of M&T Bank Corp.

Disclaimer

This article was written by and presents the views of our contributing adviser, not the Kiplinger editorial staff. You can check adviser records with the SEC or with FINRA.

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Marguerite is the Chief Operating Officer of Wilmington Trust Emerald Family Office & Advisory®, where she leads a platform of strategic advisory services tailored for executives, entrepreneurs and their families. As National Director of Family Legacy Strategies, she oversees a national team of wealth planners, accountants and legacy advisers, delivering personalized estate, succession and legacy planning solutions to high-net-worth clients.