Time to Stop Driving? When Older Drivers Need to Hang up the Car Keys
Does your older spouse or parent need to stop driving? It's one of the hardest transitions in aging, and there's no simple fix.
Ellen B. Kennedy
Few people think they will need to stop driving when they plan for retirement. After all, for many retirees, driving is the key to independence, allowing them to run errands, meet friends or spend some solo time in nature. Yet there may come a point when that’s the safest course of action. If you suspect your parent or spouse is in that position, you may be at a loss for what to do.
A 2013 Liberty Mutual survey found that 55% of adult children with senior parents were worried about their ability to drive safely. Yet only 23% brought up the issue. And 29% had no plans to have that conversation.
But that may be a mistake. An estimated 55% of men aged 85 or older continue to drive, says SeniorLiving.org, while 22% of 85-year-old women do the same. And while some older people may be perfectly equipped to drive later in life, it’s at least worth a discussion. Here’s how to broach it.
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Before you ask them to stop driving, try this first
Driving ability tends to lessen with age, particularly when sensory, motor and cognitive abilities decline. Sometimes, a few tweaks could help older drivers stay behind the wheel safely. Hearing deficits, for example, are tied to poorer driving performance, according to a study by AAA. Getting hearing aids might enable an otherwise healthy older adult to keep driving. The same goes for proper eyewear or cataract surgery for vision.
Swapping an older car for one with modern safety features is also a potential solution. A vehicle with better headlights, lane-keep assist, blind-spot warnings and a backup camera may help older drivers.
Finally, taking a driver safety course may help older drivers learn defensive driving and even save money on auto insurance. AARP and AAA offer such classes. If you're really worried about yourself or your loved one, consider getting a driving evaluation and targeted help from the American Occupational Therapy Association’s Find a Driving Specialist website.
Understand the loss
Losing the ability to drive could impact an older loved one more than you’d think. Researchers at Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health looked at the wellbeing of older adults after they stopped driving and found that their health worsened in multiple ways after giving it up. They noted that depression symptoms nearly doubled among seniors who stopped driving.
Giving up driving was also associated with a 51% reduction in the size of seniors’ social networks. A 2024 Transamerica survey found that 17% of retirees feel isolated and lonely. Being physically cut off from friends and family due to an inability to drive could therefore really sting.
Start when the warning signs begin
It’s best not to wait until an older parent or loved one has an accident to discuss giving up driving. A better bet is to start when the warning signs are more subtle.
Some of these signs are obvious. Is the person's car newly scratched or dented? Have they received tickets for traffic violations or been in an accident? Have they driven somewhere familiar but become lost?
Less apparent signs include reduced vision and other sensory deficits. It’s also common for older adults to experience stiffness in their joints and muscles, which can lead to discomfort and possibly poor navigation skills.
When a loved one starts experiencing these symptoms, it’s time to start those conversations. But that doesn’t mean insisting they avoid getting behind the wheel altogether.
The transition may be easier if a loved one adjusts their driving habits before giving up driving completely. You may want to suggest that they stop driving at night, on the freeway or in bad weather to start with and take things from there.
If you want some objective measures of how their driving may be impaired, try the AARP SafeTrip App. It enables your smartphone to monitor your driving and provide an overall safety score.
Get backup
There’s no need to talk with a loved one about giving up driving alone. Bring their medical providers into the discussion and hear what they have to say. The news may be easier to swallow coming from a professional. You should also find out from your loved one’s provider if any medications they’re taking could lead to slower reaction times.
Talk up the savings
For retirees or older adults on a fixed income, giving up driving — and a vehicle — could actually spell financial relief, given the numerous costs associated with owning one. AAA puts the average cost of vehicle ownership at $12,297 per year.
Plus, people over 74 tend to pay higher car insurance rates than most other age groups, per SeniorLiving.org. Auto insurers commonly consider older adults a higher risk and charge them accordingly.
By contrast, it’s common for people at least 60 or 65 to have access to discounted fares on public transportation. Giving up a car and relying more on public networks could help an older loved one conserve funds.
Suggest alternatives
Not only might giving up driving stunt an older loved one’s social life, but it could also make it difficult for them to function and meet their daily needs. It’s important to offer concrete solutions for getting around town without having to get behind the wheel.
Public transportation is a viable option for some, but it's not available or reliable everywhere. And older adults who struggle to walk longer distances may have difficulty accessing public buses and trains.
Rideshares are another solution, but some people may hesitate to get into a car with a stranger. A licensed taxi or car service could be a more comfortable option.
But remember that a loved one might worry about the cost of using rideshare or car services too often. Be prepared to help them run the numbers and compare them to car ownership. They may find that using three car services per week costs less than, or is at least comparable to, owning a car when accounting for auto loan payments, insurance, maintenance, and fuel.
Another thing to remember is that some Medicare Advantage plans pay for transportation to and from medical appointments. This benefit is plan-specific, though.
Local programs. Some areas also have ride programs that offer older people the comfort of a private or shared vehicle at a discounted rate compared to hiring a taxi or rideshare. It pays to look into this option and find out how to register.
Finally, see if your local community center or place of worship has a volunteer program that helps older adults get around town. Your loved one may have access to free resources that make giving up driving easier.
The caveats: dementia and substance abuse
If your parent or partner has dementia, all bets are off. You can have doctors and therapists talk to them about the need to stop driving until the cows come home, but with dementia, they likely won't remember the conversation.
If they have an addiction issue, say alcoholism, they may drive while under the influence despite a doctor's warning or your best efforts to stop them. Alcoholism has a way of sneaking up on drinkers as they age, and the effects are more sharply felt the older you are. More than one in ten people over 65 reported binge drinking in the past month, according to a 2024 study.
Keep in mind that cannabis use has increased sharply among older adults, and has also been shown to impair driving, even if they are regular smokers.
Think your state's DMV will be of help? Guess again. As this list of driving laws for older drivers by state shows, most only require a vision exam. Someone with dementia, especially if they are with an aide or have mild cognitive impairment, could still renew their license. And unless someone with an addiction gets a DUI, the DMV likely won't be aware of their problem.
Some states require doctors or others to report dementia diagnoses to motor vehicle departments. In that case, the DMV may ask the person to be evaluated in person. Get some help from a geriatric social worker or an experienced caretaker.
If a doctor has evaluated your loved one and found they have dementia and should not drive, then you must develop a strategy to take the car away. For example, removing the visual cue of the car in the driveway can be helpful. You could experiment with parking the car in a different location, and if the driver asks where it is, explain that it's "in the shop for repairs," until your loved one gets used to being without a car.
For those with substance abuse, the solution is trickier. First, you'll need to get support for the addict and yourself, aside from driving. Ideally, you'd have an open conversation about the risks of driving, but if that doesn't work, you should seek professional help.
You're in a tough position. Whether you've been raised to respect your elders and find it difficult to step in as a "parent," or you've seen the decline of your spouse, give yourself some grace. But the bottom line is that you need to protect your loved one and others on the road.
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