I Spend More Time With My Phone Than My Family. Will Retirement Fix That?
Older adults spend more time on screens than any other age group — and retirement doesn't automatically change that. Here's what might actually help.
A hard truth I’ve recently had to accept: I spend more time each day with my phone than with anyone in my family.
Chances are, you do too.
Americans spend roughly four to five hours a day on their phones, according to the Journal of Consumer Research. I’ve tried to justify it as part of modern life, a necessity to stay connected.
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Still, when you add it up, months of every year are spent staring at a screen. It makes me long for a time when I can break free of this digital ball and chain.
That time, hopefully, is retirement. Free from the demands of work and other life responsibilities, I can spend less time doomscrolling and more time in the real world.
But the more I’ve looked into how we use technology as we age, the more I realize that kind of change doesn’t just happen. Retirement isn’t a clean slate. It takes effort to build something different, which is why experts and research agree that it’s worth starting before you get there.
"Older Americans, ages 50 to 64, spend more than 10 hours a day [on screens,] significantly higher than younger adults."
Tech isn’t just a young person’s problem
We tend to frame screen addiction as a young person’s issue. Kids who are glued to devices, sneaking looks in class, and barely looking up at dinner.
Compare that to older generations who didn't grow up with technology — those who know the freedom of the outdoors, the joy of speaking to someone face-to-face, the pleasure of the printed word… except that's more of an AI-generated video of retirement than reality.
While many retirees stay busy — helping with grandkids, working part-time, volunteering — screen time remains a major part of daily life. Watching TV alone accounts for more than three hours a day among those over 50, according to government data.
A Nielsen study found older Americans, ages 50 to 64, spend more than 10 hours a day across phones, computers and television, significantly higher than younger adults.
Joe Casey, founder and retirement coach at Retirement Wisdom, says many of his clients worry about exactly this. He works with people in their 40s through 60s who want to envision and design life after work.
“A lot of people are afraid of it,” he says. “They’ve seen others in their lives — family members, colleagues, their boss — become a different person, you know, watching cable news.”
I find that part of the challenge is that it doesn’t feel like a problem. Screen time rarely happens all at once. It accumulates — in line at the store, during dinner, between tasks at work.
Sure, technology can help us stay connected. But it can also become a crutch and research increasingly links excessive use to lower overall well-being. That’s especially concerning given how common loneliness and isolation already are among older adults.
Like any unwanted habit, getting free of it often takes more than simply quitting cold turkey. Of course, the goal is not to cut off your phone completely, but to use it wisely.
" I’ve started creating distance between me and my phone."
How to stop scrolling and start designing: add friction and habits
Devices are designed to be hard to put down. They deliver constant, small hits of dopamine and they’re always within reach.
To counter that, I’ve started creating distance between me and my phone. Instead of sleeping next to it, I charge it downstairs and use my watch as an alarm. It’s one strategy author and computer science professor Cal Newport recommends to add “friction” and reduce compulsive use.
Another simple technique is to add small rules that become habits. For example, don't allow cell phones at the table during family meals.
But what happens over the long term, especially in retirement? How can I adjust to the increased opportunity for boredom that often accompanies the increased free time?
Casey suggests thinking about retirement as if “you’re going back to school.” You’re choosing classes and building a curriculum based on core areas like health, relationships, learning and fun. You then pursue activities that fall under each category, whether it’s a sport or a craft.
“You might retire from a job,” Casey says, “but you’re not retiring from purposeful effort.”
How much change should you expect in retirement?
Change sounds appealing. But I wonder if we’ve simply traded one retirement stereotype for another, from quiet and uneventful to a time to reinvent yourself and make those years count even more.
That pressure shows up in culture, too.
"When I retire ... I will organize my digital photos."
Something that was on many screens this past year was the Oscar-nominated short film “Retirement Plan”. On YouTube, it has racked up more than half a million views. The film opens with the declaration, “When I retire, I will…”, then follows a man determined to do everything he’s put off — answer every flagged email, meditate, write poetry — only to run out of time. It’s a reflection on life, time and the dangers of deferring our dreams.
It feels familiar.
“When I retire, I will…” is an easy promise to make. I’ve made my own meager version: I’ll put the phone down. I’ll step away from the screens.
But will I?
Casey says one of the biggest mistakes is assuming everything will fall into place once work stops. In reality, it takes experimentation. He encourages people to try things before retirement to see what actually sticks. What sounds appealing in theory doesn’t always hold up in practice.
There’s also the challenge of starting over. Casey observes that much of our working lives is spent doing things we’re good at. Retirement often means becoming a beginner again, which can feel uncomfortable.
That’s why Casey offers this simple advice, “Start small.” Do one push-up before joining the gym. Run one mile before registering for a marathon. Write one short story before starting a novel.
What seems true of retirement is that even the most successful and enriching version will be filled with some failure. And the passing time might not always look optimally spent from afar.
But that’s part of growth.
I may never become the unplugged version of myself I imagine. It’s hard to picture that kind of shift happening overnight or even at all.
But I can start now. A few less minutes of screen time each day.
Who knows where that leads?
What I do know is this: if I begin creating space from what I don’t want, I give myself a better chance of finding what I do want in retirement.
And by then, to quote the film, I might "finally know if you have the time you have and then it ends, or if there is more time."
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