How (and Why) to Talk Money at Your Family Dinner Table

Parents and two teenagers talk while having dinner.

(Image credit: Getty Images)

Money used to be a taboo topic, even among close family members. But for a growing number of Americans, it’s now table stakes. While difficult to have, sensitive conversations about money are happening more often, and they are vital to ensuring people can plan for the wealth — and health — of their loved ones. Done well, these chats help family members understand each other’s short- and long-term needs and goals — and result in a strong financial plan everyone in the family is aligned with.

It’s also clear that intergenerational wealth discussions are happening sooner than ever. According to Northwestern Mutual’s Planning & Progress Study, the average American thinks the right time to start talking with kids about family finances is age 17. And among Millennials and Gen Z, there’s a desire to start even earlier. These conversations can help young people build a foundation of financial know-how to thrive in the years to come. But, more importantly, they can give families an opportunity to reconnect on expectations, values and their hopes for the future.

Parents may raise an eyebrow and wonder if their teenagers would be interested in a talk about money or family finances. You may be surprised, but the answer is an emphatic, “Yes!” Northwestern Mutual’s study revealed that family members are the most trusted source of financial advice for Gen Z, followed closely by financial advisers. As a mother of a teenage boy myself, that’s good news for families ready to have open conversations about money, and an opportunity for expert advisers to guide families’ financial decision-making.

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It’s time to talk. Yet, a willingness to connect won’t make connecting effortless. Money conversations are difficult for most families because they can be emotionally charged. It often helps to have a trustworthy financial adviser at the table to navigate any sensitivities, account for blind spots and help ensure a judgment- and pressure-free discussion. Done well, these conversations can be empowering — helping to fuse a family even closer together. As Americans connect with their financial advisers for their annual financial checkups, I expect more people will add seats at the table for the next generation, so the entire family can prepare for their financial future together.

The research showed that just 3 in 10 (29%) U.S. adults have spoken with their parents or guardians about wills, their inheritance wishes and other estate matters, and only 43% have discussed long-term care. Once again, our data shows that younger generations want to have these talks sooner — and they’re right. Planning creates more opportunity. It gives people the freedom and the power to consider the full range of options for care and aging gracefully, and to make these decisions on their own while they have the capacity to do so.

Future generations will see the greatest wealth transfer in American history — Boomers shifting $90 trillion in wealth — mostly to loved ones. But inherited wealth isn’t indefinite wealth. Many affluent families lose their accumulated wealth by the second generation. Early preventive conversations are vital and ensure that intergenerational planning protects amassed wealth.

As parents consider when and how to involve their children in more complex or sensitive financial planning discussions, I recommend these three simple tips that can make for smoother money conversations.

1. Encourage your children to talk about their dreams and plans.

Many parents want to have open and honest money conversations with their teenagers. However, the most essential part of candid money discussions is to let your kids lead the conversation.

Let them talk about their financial goals and the decisions they may have to make, such as saving for college or buying a car — and then provide sound advice. Passing on financial strategies is critical to foster generational wealth, but these discussions have to be on our kids’ terms and timelines, not our own.

2. Talk about your assets and financial security.

If you have adult children, this is an optimal time to share any important information about an inheritance. If you plan to leave an inheritance, this may help build your children’s feelings of financial security. It’s important to discuss what the potential assets of your estate plan are, such as real estate, vehicles, artwork, family heirlooms and digital assets. Even if you don’t plan to leave an inheritance, the conversation will help the next generation understand what the future may hold and how to plan for it.

Many parents have long-term care plans. These plans typically consider any potential costs related to in-home care or assisted living needs. Families should talk with their children about any plans in place, including items such as durable powers of attorney that detail the financial or medical decisions you want made on your behalf if you become unable to advocate for yourself. This is especially important if your child will serve as your financial power of attorney.

At the end of the day, people have to decide if they would prefer to have conversations with their family now or make very difficult decisions in the future. Younger generations wisely want to talk now. This is an opportunity for families to engage and get on the same page about the family’s financial situation, retirement expectations and long-term care arrangements, and ensure family wishes are understood, honored and planned for.

Because of the high emotions — and high stakes — involved, consulting a trusted financial adviser can be a great resource for help. But ultimately, what matters most is to keep the lines of communication open and the conversation ongoing.

Disclaimer

This article was written by and presents the views of our contributing adviser, not the Kiplinger editorial staff. You can check adviser records with the SEC or with FINRA.

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Aditi Javeri Gokhale holds executive accountabilities for Northwestern Mutual’s strategy to drive growth, competitiveness and relevance. In addition, she leads teams that oversee more than $540 billion in company and client assets, including over $325 billion in the institutional investment portfolio and $215 billion in retail client assets. She is also accountable for NM Future Ventures (the company’s venture investing arm) along with digital disruptor, Wyshbox.