When people are getting ready to walk down the aisle to say “I do” to the person they want to spend the rest of their lives with, divorce is often a passing thought, an experience reserved for others.
Many of us have heard the statistic that roughly half of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. That statistic still holds true for first marriages. But if you’re going through a divorce, statistics are irrelevant: It’s your life that’s being impacted.
If you find yourself in a position where your marriage is coming to an end, having a good understanding of the divorce process and key professionals to involve can help alleviate some feelings of anxiety.
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
It is essential to carefully think about financial matters when going through a divorce. This decision is a huge one — and has consequences that will impact the trajectory of one’s financial future, family and retirement.
Over the years, I have helped advise dozens of people through their divorce, and I have found the following suggestions to be helpful.
1. Get organized.
Make sure you have an understanding of your assets, liabilities, income and expenses. Gather statements for each checking, savings, retirement and investment account and collect pertinent life insurance policies and documents on any property you own.
You should build an emergency fund, setting aside separate funds to pay for legal expenses related to the divorce. The national average cost of a divorce is $15,000. There are several factors that impact the cost, including the divorce method you choose and whether children are involved.
2. Understand the process.
One of the biggest things you should prepare yourself for: Often, the decision to get a divorce doesn’t immediately offer that sense of relief that you may be searching for. The process often takes months at the very least, up to years!
As I mentioned, the cost of divorce is often influenced by the method you choose. There are several methods, including litigation, collaborative divorce, mediation and DIY divorce. If your divorce is more amicable, you may want to consider mediation or a collaborative divorce, which involves you and your ex negotiating the divorce with professional help.
In a collaborative divorce, each party hires their own team consisting of an attorney and sometimes a psychologist or financial specialist who will help negotiate the divorce.
The key factor in a collaborative divorce is that each party must agree that no one involved will pursue litigation. Each state has its own divorce laws, so learning about your own state’s legal approach will help you stay protected.
3. Enlist the help of professionals.
Create a team that consists of an attorney, a financial adviser, certified public accountant (CPA), insurance agent and a certified divorce financial analyst (CDFA®). You may want to research and interview several divorce attorneys and get references. It’s critical that your attorney has an understanding of your ultimate goals for the divorce.
The financial adviser and CPA can help you understand the financial and tax implications of the asset split, and an insurance agent can help you understand any policies that are in place and how they are impacted or need to be modified in light of the divorce.
A CDFA is a professional who is specially trained in addressing the financial issues of divorce to help achieve an equitable settlement. The strength of your partnership with your team will impact the process and potentially the settlement agreement.
Your team’s counsel can help to prevent you from making any rash decisions. For many people who go through a divorce, it's not a quick process. They get worn out, and toward the end, many just want to give up and say, “Hey, you know what? I don't even care anymore.”
It helps to have the advice of someone with the foresight to look ahead and say, “No, you don't want to give up on this and give the other person X, Y or Z: You could really benefit from this in the future.”
4. Set reasonable goals.
Ask yourself the tough questions: What is most important to you? What are you willing to let go of? Knowing your non-negotiables will help you gain clarity around your ideal division of assets.
Also, remember that you can’t control everything. If there are kids involved in the divorce, remember to prioritize their well-being first. Reminding yourself of this will hopefully help keep things from escalating and becoming contentious.
5. Give yourself time to mentally process and grieve.
I have heard from many that divorce can feel like the death of a loved one. You are letting go of a life you once had and the hopes for a future with your spouse. Build a strong emotional support system. Divorce can be very draining. Having the support of friends and family will help you get through the process; you might also want to consider working with a therapist at this time.
Here’s the bottom line
The divorce process is never fun and sometimes can get ugly. Do your research, stay organized and set expectations early. Be realistic about time frames, because the process can be lengthy and filled with many ups and downs. Be kind to yourself and remember that this too shall pass. You can’t control how your former spouse acts, but you can make the decision to bring your best self to negotiations, which will help keep things rational and help you make decisions you won’t regret later.
Related Content
- Happy New Year: Let’s Get a Divorce
- What Older Adults Should Know about Getting Divorced and (Maybe) Remarried
- Beware of These Three Hidden Costs of Divorce
- Four Steps to Prepare Your Finances for Divorce
- A Financial Guide to Gray Divorce
-
You Don't Have to Be Wealthy to Need a Wealth ManagerNavigating complex financial decisions is hard on your own, no matter how much money you have. A wealth manager can provide comprehensive financial planning, investment management, risk management and more.
-
Despite Tariffs, These Investment Experts Are Bullish on European EquitiesEuropean equities were one of the better-performing investments during the first half of 2025. They could be a good long-term prospect for U.S. investors needing to diversify, according to these investment managers.
-
How Do You Know You Are Ready for a Gray Divorce? 15 Yes-or-No QuestionsAs people 50 and older get more gray divorces, many splits are initiated by women who want a new path. Answer these 15 questions to see if you might need to think about how you should move forward.
-
'Buy Now, Pay Later' for Everyday Spending? This Financial Pro Thinks It's Risky'Buy Now, Pay Later' apps can get you out of a jam when you need money quickly. But using them regularly for small purchases could create problems.
-
Five Things to Consider Before Rolling Your 401(k) into a Roth IRAConverting at least some of an old 401(k) to a Roth IRA can offer long-term tax benefits and retirement flexibility, especially if you anticipate being in a higher tax bracket later or wish to leave a tax-free legacy.
-
From Dream Apartment to Nightmare: When Your Landlord Evicts You Through No Fault of Your OwnThis is what I suggested a tenant do to get out of her lease after her landlord's inexperience and lack of action made her rental situation unsafe. It's a legal situation called 'constructive eviction.'
-
Six Steps to Being Empowered and On Track: An Expert Financial Guide for WomenWhile most female investors feel on track with their financial goals and empowered by managing their investments, many regret not starting sooner. Here's how you can get started and take control of your financial future.
-
Selling Your Business? This Powerful Insurance Option Unlocks Multigenerational WealthPrivate placement life insurance (PPLI) offers almost unbelievable investment flexibility, estate planning and tax advantages. And it's completely legit.
