Acting Entitled on the Job – and in Life – Is a Ticket to Nowhere
Spoiled kids grow into entitled adults, and that can be a big problem for them in their careers and personal lives.


Recently, I interviewed Gorick Ng, Wall Street Journal Bestselling Author of The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right. His book is a wonderfully useful guide for recent graduates setting foot in the world of work, showing readers how not to mess up.
I sent copies to a couple of longtime clients, who have been helicopter parents for their two adult sons.
One of the sons is a recent law graduate waiting to take the bar exam, the other having washed out of two law schools — at his parents’ expense — and is now working on an MBA, living at home. No one is holding their breath as to the chances for his success in the world outside of Mommy and Daddy, who have literally bailed him out of trouble his entire life.

Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
Almost 30, he was never given the chance to stand on his own two feet. Mommy was always there.
While Mom texted, “The boys love the book. Thanks,” neither of them took the time to call and say, “Thank you.” I should add that the law student stood my wife and me up for a lunch date without a phone call, later explaining, “The judge I was clerking for invited me to lunch, and I could not refuse.”
Whenever I think of these brothers, I picture a single word hovering over their heads: entitled. Having heard this very word uttered by one too many HR managers behind closed doors, I caught up with The Unspoken Rules author to get his take on this often-thought-about-but-underdiscussed topic.
Entitlement: The Silent Career and Relationship Torpedo
There is a difference between having confidence and feeling entitled, according to Ng:
“Having confidence means believing that you are ready for an opportunity, such as a more challenging and important work assignment or promotion. Showing entitlement means behaving as if you are deserving of an opportunity or promotion merely because you came to work.
“Confidence is necessary for getting ahead. Entitlement is what can prevent you from getting ahead. Not being confident enough can hold you back; coming across as entitled can also hold you back.”
Ng observes the two scenarios where entitlement is often seen on the job:
- When asking for something — showing a bad attitude when you don’t get it.
- When being offered something (such as a gift or opportunity) — and not showing gratitude after receiving it.
“There’s a difference between saying, ‘No problem, I appreciate the consideration,’ and saying, ‘What do you mean, No?!’ The former signals that the request was precisely that: a request; the latter signals that the request wasn’t a request at all, but a demand.
“If you show appreciation, the worst thing that can happen when your request is declined is you are back to where you were. You have not suffered a tarnished reputation. If you show entitlement — that you are owed this — not only do you still not get what you wanted, but others may think twice before offering you the next thing. It is a double whammy!” Ng points out.
The Roots of Entitlement
So, where does entitlement come from in the first place?
Across the many years of my law practice, I have had a front-row seat to a variety of parenting styles, and to the grown children entitling parents end up raising. In my experience, entitlement in adulthood is the direct result of parents who give their children their every perceived need and want — regardless of actual necessity — and who condition them into believing that whatever they have, whatever they want, is deserved.
Ng agrees and describes the corrosive result of raising enabled children:
“Inflated expectations follow them into adulthood, where Mom and Dad are no longer there to grant their every wish. Making matters worse, when this ‘child’ — who has now become an adult — isn’t used to hearing ‘no’ for an answer, it is easy and predictable to become desensitized.
“Some people hear ‘yes’ so frequently that ‘no’ is no longer even within the realm of possibility.”
Ng cautions that entitlement doesn’t only lead to a failure in building allies, but also the loss of the few that they have. “Who you know matters,” he says, “But who knows you and what they know you for can be just as important. Social capital can get you in the door, but reputational capital is what you need to keep advancing.”
“They may have gotten this one opportunity, but people will think twice before giving them the next one,” he warns, concluding our interview with this cautionary advice for entitled employees:
“Please, go on thinking only of yourself, what you are owed, and how important you are. And, while you are at it, realize that your reputation is forever.”
Dennis Beaver Practices law in Bakersfield and welcomes comments and questions from readers, which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993, or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1@Gmail.com.
Profit and prosper with the best of Kiplinger's advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and much more. Delivered daily. Enter your email in the box and click Sign Me Up.

After attending Loyola University School of Law, H. Dennis Beaver joined California's Kern County District Attorney's Office, where he established a Consumer Fraud section. He is in the general practice of law and writes a syndicated newspaper column, "You and the Law." Through his column, he offers readers in need of down-to-earth advice his help free of charge. "I know it sounds corny, but I just love to be able to use my education and experience to help, simply to help. When a reader contacts me, it is a gift."
-
Walmart Deals Go Head-to-Head with Amazon Prime Day: Our Anti-Prime Picks
Walmart Deals runs through July 13, giving shoppers two extra days compared to Amazon Prime. Here are the best anti-Prime deals to consider.
-
Mom needs a nursing home. Should I spend down her assets so she qualifies for Medicaid?
We asked expert financial advisers for their advice.
-
Opportunity Zones: An Expert Guide to the Changes in the One Big Beautiful Bill
The law makes opportunity zones permanent, creates enhanced tax benefits for rural investments and opens up new strategies for investors to combine community development with significant tax advantages.
-
Five Ways Retirees Can Keep Perspective Through Market Jitters
Market volatility is a recurring event with historical precedents (the dot-com bubble, global financial crisis and pandemic), each followed by recovery. Here's how people who are near or in retirement can navigate economic uncertainty.
-
I'm a Financial Strategist: This Is the Investment Trap That Keeps Smart Investors on the Sidelines
Forget FOMO. FOGI — Fear of Getting In — is the feeling you need to learn how to manage so you don't miss out on future investment gains.
-
Can You Be a Good Parent to an Only Child When You're Also a Business Owner?
Author and social psychologist Susan Newman offers advice to business-owner parents on how to raise a well-adjusted single child by avoiding overcompensation and encouraging chores.
-
How Advisers Can Steer Their Clients Through Market Volatility (and Strengthen Their Relationships)
Financial advisers need to be strategic when they communicate with clients during market volatility. The goal is to not only reassure them but to also help them avoid rash decisions, deepen your relationship with them and build lasting trust.
-
The Hidden Costs of Caregiving: Crisis Goes Well Beyond Financial Issues
Many caregivers are drained emotionally as well as financially, leading to depression, burnout and depleted retirement prospects. What's to be done?
-
Cash Balance Plans: An Expert Guide to the High Earner's Secret Weapon for Retirement
Cash balance plans offer business owners and high-income professionals a powerful way to significantly boost retirement savings and reduce taxes.
-
Five Things You Can Learn From Jimmy Buffett's Estate Dispute
The dispute over Jimmy Buffett's estate highlights crucial lessons for the rest of us on trust creation, including the importance of co-trustee selection, proactive communication and options for conflict resolution.