Can You Be a Good Parent to an Only Child When You're Also a Business Owner?
Author and social psychologist Susan Newman offers advice to business-owner parents on how to raise a well-adjusted single child by avoiding overcompensation and encouraging chores.


Over the many years that I've practiced law and written a syndicated legal advice column, couples who are also business owners have asked personal questions that I am always happy to answer. Here's a recent one:
"We are thinking of having only one child, but we are worried about the challenge of not spoiling an only child. Have you any recommendations? Frankly, we are getting static from some parents who feel that a family means two children (to avoid raising) one entitled brat. Thanks, 'Becky.'"
Recently, I received an advance copy of an excellent "instruction manual" for couples grappling with these and similar issues around wanting just one child. I had the most enjoyable interview with the author, a social psychologist.

Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
The Kiplinger Building Wealth program handpicks financial advisers and business owners from around the world to share retirement, estate planning and tax strategies to preserve and grow your wealth. These experts, who never pay for inclusion on the site, include professional wealth managers, fiduciary financial planners, CPAs and lawyers. Most of them have certifications including CFP®, ChFC®, IAR, AIF®, CDFA® and more, and their stellar records can be checked through the SEC or FINRA.
"A boy for you, a girl for me and a white picket fence — those days are gone but remain the basis for a lot of false information and questions for many," says author Susan Newman, PhD. "That's why I wrote Just One: The New Science, Secrets and Joy of Parenting an Only Child."
Incidentally, she wrote The Book of No: 365 Ways to Say It and Mean It ― and Stop People-Pleasing Forever, as well. It is a super read, too, and addresses how to say "no" to your children, whatever their ages, and why that's important. I also consulted with her on my article Parents: Just Say No to Raising a Failed Adult.
Where the stereotype came from
We've all heard the warning that, if you are going to have children, then you've got to have more than one. Ever wonder where that notion came from?
Newman gives us the answer: "We can credit the terribly flawed research in the late 1890s of psychologist G. Stanley Hall for creating beliefs that having just one child meant you would wind up with a misfit — jealous, selfish, egotistical, dependent, aggressive, domineering and quarrelsome.
"Today we are not hearing, 'Why are parents not having a second child?' and related stereotypes."
But she is quick to point out that some challenges of raising an only child can be very real, and Just One tells us how to navigate away from those risky waters.
Here's why one child for business owners is often a good choice
As you know, I'm an attorney. My wife, Anne, works with me as my paralegal, and our son is our only child. We're just like any couple running a business. Having one heathy kid, as Newman observes, "often works out best because business parents are busy and emotionally concerned about whether they are meeting their child's needs."
She underscores, "With one child, you are not double and triple torn. One little person pulling on your strings and raising your guilt level is more than enough."
Work-life balance is especially important for couples who run a business. "I can't overstress the importance of setting up a plan where you and your employees do not stay at the office every night until 9:30," Newman notes.
"Also, tell your staff that you value their spending time with their own families, so everyone comes out a winner — especially the children who will see that Mom and Dad really do want to be with them. It is the best way to retain good people who respect the boss for that concern."
Mistakes to avoid with a single child
Just One is filled with examples of what only-child parents who work very long hours must avoid doing. Topping her list: overcompensating because of guilt.
Doing everything for their children and giving them everything they want can dramatically hinder their development into well-rounded, successful adults.
Say a child wants a new bike, the latest gadget, you name it, and Mom or Dad goes out and buys it for them. Suppose the child regularly gets into trouble, and Mom or Dad always bails them out.
These behaviors have lifelong consequences, Newman points out. By saying "yes" to all of a child's demands, you are setting them up to feel entitled to whatever they want whenever they want it.
Looking for expert tips to grow and preserve your wealth? Sign up for Building Wealth, our free, twice-weekly newsletter.
"You are giving them a master class in preying on your guilty feelings. Constantly throwing money at a child has no long-term upside. Instead, it's long-term damage that can create a self-indulgent, me-me-me person — in effect, a narcissist who can't consider the needs of others.
"In the real world, no one wants to be involved with a narcissist or someone who feels they must always be the center of attention and will only do things their way. The lesson that 'friends are not like family and will walk away,' can be bitter, Newman says.
Chores lead to success and happiness in life
Newman cites the 85-year Harvard Study of Adult Development, which found that people who did more age-appropriate chores during childhood — starting at around age 3 — often had more professional success and happiness later in life.
"It's often easier and quicker for a parent to do an only child's chores," she points out, "especially if they feel guilty about their time at work. But responsibilities at home make most children feel capable and that they are an important part of the family, no matter what size it is — an attitude that will serve only children well as they grow up."
There is so much good, practical, accessible advice in Just One. For parents who are concerned about the impact of their child being their only child, Newman's book is one of the best books on family life that I've ever come across.
Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield, Calif., and welcomes comments and questions from readers, which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993, or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1@gmail.com. And be sure to visit dennisbeaver.com.
Related Content
- Bill Bought a Fridge, and Then His Nightmare Began
- I Found Out What It Takes for a Family Business to Thrive
- What Does It Take to Be a Strong Leader?
- His Employees Don't Work 'For' Him, But 'With' Him
- How Much Fun Is Too Much Fun When You're in the Office?
Profit and prosper with the best of Kiplinger's advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and much more. Delivered daily. Enter your email in the box and click Sign Me Up.

After attending Loyola University School of Law, H. Dennis Beaver joined California's Kern County District Attorney's Office, where he established a Consumer Fraud section. He is in the general practice of law and writes a syndicated newspaper column, "You and the Law." Through his column, he offers readers in need of down-to-earth advice his help free of charge. "I know it sounds corny, but I just love to be able to use my education and experience to help, simply to help. When a reader contacts me, it is a gift."
-
Georgia Could Be Latest State to Eliminate Income Taxes
State Tax Eliminating the Georgia state income tax: Last-minute summer trend or permanent policy?
-
Biggest Winners and Losers in Trump's New Tax Plan
Tax Law Trump’s mega tax overhaul, known as the ‘One Big Beautiful Bill,’ has distinct winners and losers. Which group do you fall into?
-
Five Things to Consider Before Rolling Your 401(k) into a Roth IRA
Converting at least some of an old 401(k) to a Roth IRA can offer long-term tax benefits and retirement flexibility, especially if you anticipate being in a higher tax bracket later or wish to leave a tax-free legacy.
-
From Dream Apartment to Nightmare: When Your Landlord Evicts You Through No Fault of Your Own
This is what I suggested a tenant do to get out of her lease after her landlord's inexperience and lack of action made her rental situation unsafe. It's a legal situation called 'constructive eviction.'
-
Stocks Close Mixed to Start Fed Week: Stock Market Today
News of an EU-U.S. trade deal was met with muted reaction from market participants who are looking ahead to a jam-packed week.
-
High-Yield Saving Options Before Rate Cuts Hit
Savers can still access higher savings rates. However, with inflation rising and potential rate cuts looming, you have a tighter window to capitalize.
-
Even Retirees Get a Case of the Mondays
Anxiety about the start of a new week isn't just experienced by those in the workforce. Retirees deal with it, too. Here's why it happens and strategies for dealing with it.
-
Six Steps to Being Empowered and On Track: An Expert Financial Guide for Women
While most female investors feel on track with their financial goals and empowered by managing their investments, many regret not starting sooner. Here's how you can get started and take control of your financial future.
-
Selling Your Business? This Powerful Insurance Option Unlocks Multigenerational Wealth
Private placement life insurance (PPLI) offers almost unbelievable investment flexibility, estate planning and tax advantages. And it's completely legit.
-
These Habits Could Reveal Your Risk of Cognitive Decline
There's no reliable tool for predicting your risk of cognitive decline, but new research suggests one area of everyday behavior might contain early warning signs.