“Mr. Beaver, I manage an insurance brokerage in the Pacific Northwest. We have 15 employees, and ‘Frank’ was a recent hire. While excellent at his job, he is creating a never-ending sense of things being wrong and upsetting everyone over minor issues, and in addition, he is a gossip mill! The term ‘drama king’ comes to mind, as I do not know any other way to describe his behavior, taking small, non-issues and making them sound like the end of the world. He seems to love chaos. I do not know what to do or how to deal with him. Do you know of any credible resource that might help me understand and address these issues? Thanks, Albert.”
Drama Addicts Thrive on Chaos
“Your reader is describing the characteristics of a drama addict,” observes clinical psychologist Dr. Scott Lyons, author of the new release Addicted to Drama: Healing Dependency on Crisis & Chaos in Yourself & Others.
I had the most interesting chat with Dr. Lyons, and he provided useful insight into this real psychological problem that impacts drama addicts and all those affected by the chaos they manufacture.
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
Drama Addicts Make Mountains Out of Molehills
“When we say, ‘Wait. What just happened?’ with someone who makes mountains out of molehills and reacts in ways that instantly escalate — becoming big all of a sudden, leaving us wondering, ‘Whoa! What? Where did that come from?’ or ‘What just happened?’ — this is usually a good indication there is some inclination toward an addiction to drama,” he points out.
He described common traits drama addicts exhibit:
Intensity. What seems like nothing becomes something big. Things get blown out of proportion, as if they were pouring gasoline on a fire.
Conflict creators. Very common at work where the drama addict gets into coworkers’ business, stirs things up and then backs away, making an environment that should radiate stability now feel tense. This tension is something they thrive on, often grew up with and is normal to them, even if it is disturbing to others.
“Safe” is coupled with “chaos.” Often raised in environments dominated by havoc, that’s what they seek to re-create, as it makes them feel safe. Because of turmoil in their childhood, when they exhibited signs of distress at, for example, school, teachers would pay attention to them. It’s this attention the drama addict seeks and creates on an unconscious level.
An inability to tolerate calm, stable environments. The drama addict projects their familiar ecosystem onto wherever they are. In a calm, professional workplace — which is boring to drama addicts — they tend to “spice it up” by fomenting tension through gossip, overreacting to things that do not need a high level of attention and pitting one person against another while considering themselves a victim.
A denial by the drama addict of their desire to create havoc. If challenged and told, “You are going out of your way to upset people! Why?” the drama addict — like any addict — will say something like, “Oh, I hate the drama, but the world is always against me. There is something always going on, but I am the one who has to come to the rescue of everyone else.”
They do not recognize that they were creating hostility, then coming in to rescue the situation, which gives them a sense of relief.
Signs for HR That You Are Dealing With a Drama Addict
“HR staff need to be aware of employees who cause trouble for no apparent reason,” Dr. Lyons underscores, adding, “Does it feel like they are stirring things up? Is their personal workspace a mess and chaotic? Do they tend to do a lot of gossiping and making up stories? That’s a big one! They will take a little bit of information and fill in the gaps with their paranoia — inventing stuff and believing it!”
Here’s an example: “Rudy just texted me. He’s thinking of firing me.”
“The drama addict reaches this conclusion with no factual basis and then tells people around them, ‘The boss is going to fire me.’ As they share their stress, it becomes contagious — upsetting those nearby — because our stress responses are biologically contagious. So, if I am anxious, highly activated, very exuberant in my behavior and intensity, everyone else around me starts to have a biological response that puts them in a similar, anxious state. ‘Your stress makes me stressed.’”
Danger of Gossip: Want to Know My Secret?
If you have ever wondered just how dangerous gossip can be and how it relates to drama addicts, Dr. Lyons gives us the answer:
“Dennis, if I say, ‘Let me tell you a secret,’ what do you do?”
“I pay attention.”
“That’s right, and when I tell you that secret, you are part of something. You belong, and we now share a power dynamic. We have power and belonging. That’s what gossip does. It gives us the belief that we know or have something that others do not, no matter if it is true or not — and provides the drama addict a false sense of meaning, belonging, connection, relationship — we are the ‘in group.’ They are the ‘out group’ because we know something they don’t.
“So, by creating gossip, the drama addict becomes a danger to the organization, and management needs to be aware of how destructive this can be.”
So, how can HR or a manager deal with that mentality? First, managers, company owners and family members need to avoid being drawn into the drama. Here are some tips recommended by Dr. Lyons:
- In the moment, discuss with the drama addict that they appear to be making the task more difficult than it really is and ask, “How can I help?”
- Encourage them to take breaks — even go for a walk with them to change the environment and slow down.
- Have an HR person who is skilled in discussing workplace challenges meet with them and elicit things that they would like to discuss so they feel paid attention to.
- Model efficiency for employees (and we mean the drama addicts) who are overcomplicating tasks.
- Suggest that employees — all who wish to, so you are not singling out this one person — keep journals for what is going well at work, thereby focusing on the positive. You could call it “a work gratitude journal.”
Dennis Beaver practices law in Bakersfield, Calif., and welcomes comments and questions from readers, which may be faxed to (661) 323-7993, or e-mailed to Lagombeaver1@gmail.com. And be sure to visit dennisbeaver.com.
-
Stocks Close Mixed to Start Fed Week: Stock Market TodayNews of an EU-U.S. trade deal was met with muted reaction from market participants who are looking ahead to a jam-packed week.
-
Where to Put Your Savings Before Rate Cuts HitSavers can still access higher savings rates. However, with inflation rising and potential rate cuts looming, you have a tighter window to capitalize.
-
Six Steps to Being Empowered and On Track: An Expert Financial Guide for WomenWhile most female investors feel on track with their financial goals and empowered by managing their investments, many regret not starting sooner. Here's how you can get started and take control of your financial future.
-
Selling Your Business? This Powerful Insurance Option Unlocks Multigenerational WealthPrivate placement life insurance (PPLI) offers almost unbelievable investment flexibility, estate planning and tax advantages. And it's completely legit.
-
How to Maximize Your Social Security Now That the One Big Beautiful Bill Is LawWhen applying for your Social Security benefits, consider the new enhanced deduction for people age 65 and older, as well as your health, family situation and other financial issues.
-
I'm a Retirement Specialist: This Is How to Keep Your 401(k) on Track Amid Dire News AlertsHistory shows that consistent, disciplined investing far outweighs any attempt at market timing, so focus on long-term growth and tune out the sky-is-falling news headlines.
-
Five Money Moves to Make Before Your First Child Arrives: A Financial GuideI wish I'd known some of these when I was an expectant parent. These important steps include establishing an emergency fund, budgeting for new expenses, securing life insurance and more.
-
Retirement Tax Bombs: How Roth Conversions May Cut the Blue WireIf you have a significant amount in tax-deferred retirement accounts, you could be sitting on a tax time bomb. Luckily, there's a way to defuse the situation.
-
A Financial Planner's Guide to Planning for Retirement Health Care ExpensesWhether you're eligible for Medicare or getting coverage through the Affordable Care Act, make sure you plan for premiums, deductibles and other out-of-pocket costs.
-
I'm a Financial Adviser Who's Been Through Divorce: This Is How I Break It Down for ClientsDividing a divorce into three stages — decision, negotiation and finalization — makes it more manageable. These are the key steps to take in stage one.
