10 'Treasures' Your Adult Children Don't Want You to Pass Down
From heirloom china to your old golf clubs, here is what your grown kids secretly wish you'd just get rid of.
You probably think you know precisely what stuff your adult children most want from you when you downsize, move to Palm Beach, or are pushing up daisies.
You’re probably wrong.
They don’t want their school trophies. They don’t want that fancy china that Grandma religiously took out of the hutch and served the Thanksgiving turkey on. Most of all, they don’t want those photo albums stuffed with black-and-white pictures of family members who were dead before your kids were even born.
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Parting with your precious stuff is hard. Parting with stuff is even harder when your children — who you thought would be clamoring for it — want nothing to do with it. A generation of baby boomers is downsizing and flooding the market with stuff right now because they inherited so much from their own parents and grandparents.
"Gens X, Y, and Z don’t want these things," says Julie Hall, a professional estate liquidator and author of Inheriting Clutter: How to Calm the Chaos Your Parents Leave Behind. "I’ve got a 30-year-old, and I can count on one hand what she wants."
Which is precisely why you’re reading this story. We reached out to four downsizing experts for their unique insights into the ten things adult children typically want least of all — and why.
1. Anything from your living room or dining room
These are, by far, the toughest things to re-home, says Anna Novak, a downsizing expert, real estate agent, and founder of Simply Downsized, a consulting firm in Falls Church, Va. This accounts for a lot of big, dark, space-consuming stuff. Like giant mahogany dining room tables. And huge hutches filled with china and crystal from generations past.
"People don’t have formal dining rooms anymore," says Novak. Our lifestyles have changed so much that it’s increasingly rare to invite large groups of people into our homes and entertain them, she says.
Formal living rooms used to be a visual statement of success, says Novak. In another time, it was a place that was once a gathering spot where you’d feel just as comfortable bringing the Fuller Brush man who knocked at the door as you’d feel with family and friends. Now, few folks want them, and even fewer want all the stuff that fills them up.
2. Photo albums with nameless faces
It’s not that your kids don’t want any of your photos. They don’t want all of them. And they especially don’t want albums or boxes filled with images of distant family and friends whom they don’t even know, says Nonnahs Driskill, founder of Get Organized Already, a professional organizing firm in Pasadena, Calif.
Best bet is to simply offer them a few photos of their choice, she says. "When you give kids your stuff, it should feel like a gift — not a burden," says Driskill.
Best are digital albums, says Marguerita Cheng, a certified financial planner and downsizing specialist in Gaithersburg, Md. It’s especially helpful if the digital photos you share with your kids are organized in some simple way and identify who is in them, she says.
3. Books from another era
Bottom line is, whatever books your children actually want and love, they probably already have, says Driskill.
Books are big, heavy — and take up too much space, she says. They are also very personal. Think about it. Does your kid really want the textbook for the Introduction to Philosophy 101 class you took in college fifty years ago?
Ditto for CDs, records and tapes, says Driskill. Odds are, she says, your kid doesn’t even have anything to play these CDs, records or tapes on.
4. Matching, obnoxious bedroom sets
It used to be a sign of exquisite taste to have a massive, dark wooden bedroom set that included a huge dresser and mirror, a separate stand-up dresser, nightstands on either side of the bed, and a giant poster bed with a towering headboard. Now — not so much.
So, if you happen to have one of these monstrosities — or a bedroom set even remotely like this — please, please don’t foist it off on your kids, says Hall.
These days, matching bedroom sets are so uncool. And most younger folks opt for simple, platform beds that are high on function and low on decorative frills, she says. So, don’t be surprised, she says, if the only thing your kid wants from your bedroom set is a nightstand or two.
5. Linens — with or without stains
You can bet the house that your kids want absolutely nothing to do with those piles of old linens that you’ve got stored for them in a chest in the attic.
If they’re stored in a chest, that means you really don’t want them, either, says Hall.
This includes everything from tablecloths to placemats to napkins. Even that particularly onerous napkin, she says, with a shiny stain "where Uncle Joe spilled his beef gravy."
There’s probably not a woman under the age of 50 who would even consider putting out a matching linen set on the dining room table, says Hall. Why? Among other things, it requires starch and ironing. "My daughter would just throw them out," she says.
6. Collections of just about anything
Way back in the 1950s, collectibles evolved into a sign of success. If you had a Thomas Kinkade painting of a welcoming cobblestone bridge or a Maria Innocentia Hummel figurine of a young German lass standing with her bowl of porridge and geese on either side of her, well, you were the bee’s knees.
As much as you valued these collectibles, your kids don’t, says Novak. Never mind that these collections were a huge part of homemaking for so many boomer moms. They were marketed as lifetime keepsakes that would surely grow in value. But now, she says, "they are just seen as clutter. And kids don’t want them."
7. Sporting goods from another era
You might be a father who paid hundreds — even thousands — of dollars years ago for your then state-of-the-art golf clubs. They once looked so sleek and so shiny. But now, they’re yesterday’s news, says Novak.
Ditto for your one-time state-of-the-art exercise equipment, which did not age well, she says. Nobody wants an old treadmill laden with your coffee stains and sweat marks. "Your kids want their own equipment — not yours," she says. The one exception is the freestanding weights, which often look attractive even if they’ve aged a bit.
8. Your 50-year-old wedding dress
You’ve kept your wedding dress for decades and even tossed some pungent mothballs into the garment bag to keep it pristine. But guess what, neither your daughter nor your daughter-in-law wants it.
"Someone might want your wedding dress, but neither of them," says Driskill. You probably should have donated it to a charity 50 years ago, she says.
Ironically, they might want your grandmother’s wedding dress — because that would definitely be "far cooler," she says.
9. Your untimely timeshare
Timeshares get a bad rap — and as inheritable gifts, they probably deserve to, says Cheng.
Sure, as retirees, you had the time and money to book pricey timeshare vacations everywhere from the Galapagos Islands to Outer Mongolia. But do your adult children really have the time — and money — to take these vacations at this point in their lives?
"People have different needs in different stages of their lives," she says. For your adult children, timeshares probably aren’t one of those needs, she says. What’s more, timeshares often come with maintenance fees that are always spiraling upwards. So check with your kids first, but if they don’t want the timeshare, unload it.
Their own stuff
This one’s certain to surprise most parents. You’ve been saving your kids’ stuff in plastic bins and cardboard boxes for years. Their baseball card collections. Their school soccer jerseys. Even their pre-school graduation certificates. They basically want none of it.
"If they wanted it, they would have taken it by now," says Novak. Particularly, they don’t want all of their school art work — yes, even those clay dinosaurs they molded together in kindergarten — that you’ve been saving for them, says Driskill. "They don’t want their kindergarten stuff," she says. Perhaps the only clay dinosaurs they’ll want, she says, are the ones their own kids ultimately make.
Note: This item first appeared in Kiplinger Retirement Report, our popular monthly periodical that covers key concerns of affluent older Americans who are retired or preparing for retirement. Subscribe for retirement advice that's right on the money.
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