The Stresses of Being a Caregiver
One study shows that caregiving takes a greater toll on retirees' mental health than on their finances.
- (opens in new tab)
- (opens in new tab)
- (opens in new tab)
- Newsletter sign up Newsletter

Readers of this column send me dozens of e-mails describing the inspiring things they are doing in retirement. Some of the most inspiring—and sobering—come from those of you who are acting as caregivers for a spouse, parent or other family member. “Both of my parents have had medical issues,” writes Edwin Diaz. “My father passed away during the pandemic, and my mother had to be taken care of. So although my wife and I are comfortable in retirement, this situation can alter plans completely.”
After she retired, Wendy Weill “had the time to help my mom move to assisted living, clear out her home and put it on the market,” says Weill. “This allowed me to spend time with her that I would never have had the opportunity to do.”
“When my wife and I picked our retirement date, we were prepared both emotionally and financially,” writes Joe M. Then his wife was diagnosed with a debilitating disease. “I am not sure I was ready to be a caregiver 24/7, but I learned a lot,” he says. The biggest obstacles: “the loneliness and inability to do things we had planned.”

Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
Mental stress. In its American Caregivers study, Fidelity Investments found that caregiving takes a greater toll on the mental health of retirees than on their financial health. And 41% of retiree caregivers said there isn’t enough time to focus on their own responsibilities and mental health. “People who aren’t in this situation don’t understand how stressful it can be,” says Meredith Stoddard, vice president for life events planning at Fidelity.
“Often you don’t know where to get help, and you don’t have the time to ask,” says Suzanne Asaff Blankenship, author of How to Take Care of Old People Without Losing Your Marbles.
Start with websites such as www.aarp.org/caregiving (opens in new tab) or the association that targets the illness you’re dealing with, such as the Alzheimer’s Association (www.alz.org (opens in new tab)). Or you can hire a geriatric care manager, especially if your family member doesn’t live nearby. Blankenship also recommends looking for legal, financial and health professionals who are accredited as certified senior advisers. Reader Kathy Kemper says that “hiring an elder-care-certified lawyer was the best move we made” when she and her sisters moved their mother to assisted living. And don’t neglect resources closer to home through elder-care agencies, churches and senior centers.
To plan for an emergency, Blankenship recommends putting all of the critical information for your loved one—medications, insurance, power of attorney, phone numbers for contacts—into a plastic storage bag and attaching it to your fridge, where family members or medical personnel can find it easily.
And don’t neglect your own mental health. Take advantage of adult day programs if you need time on your own to run errands or just take a breath.
Reader Lynne Derry recently returned from a long weekend at a wedding, the first time in four years she had left her mother for that long. “I had a caregiver stay overnight, and my neighbors checked in a couple of times a day,” she says. “Mom survived, and the caregiver expense was a small price to pay for some temporary sanity.”
Above all, says Blankenship, “Set aside any guilt about taking care of yourself. Aim to do a good job of caregiving, not a perfect one.”
Janet Bodnar is editor-at-large of Kiplinger's Personal Finance, a position she assumed after retiring as editor of the magazine after eight years at the helm. She is a nationally recognized expert on the subjects of women and money, children's and family finances, and financial literacy. She is the author of two books, Money Smart Women and Raising Money Smart Kids. As editor-at-large, she writes two popular columns for Kiplinger, "Money Smart Women" and "Living in Retirement." Bodnar is a graduate of St. Bonaventure University and is a member of its Board of Trustees. She received her master's degree from Columbia University, where she was also a Knight-Bagehot Fellow in Business and Economics Journalism.
-
-
Best 5-Year CD Rates for March 2023 as Rates Rise
Here are the best 5-year CD rates as the Fed continues its campaign to raise interest rates to try to combat inflation.
By Erin Bendig • Published
-
Stock Market Today: Stocks Sink After Latest Fed Rate Hike
The major indexes sold off sharply Wednesday even amid signs the Fed's rate-hike campaign could be nearing an end.
By Karee Venema • Published
-
SECURE 2.0 Act Changes 401(k), IRA, Roth, Other Retirement Plan Rules
The SECURE 2.0 Act makes significant changes to retirement savings plans. Here's what you need to know.
By Kelley R. Taylor • Last updated
-
Estate Planning: A Special Trust for a Special Need
Caregiving Special needs trusts can help fund quality-of-life improvements for the beneficiary, such as a phone, a trip or a private room in a group care facility.
By David Rodeck • Published
-
Adult Day Centers Help Retirees with Alzheimer's
Caregiving A center that offers social interaction, along with physical and memory activity, is a lift for those with forms of memory impairment. Their caregivers benefit, too.
By Alina Tugend • Published
-
Caregivers Share Their Stories
Caregiving Readers' own perspectives on the struggles and triumphs of caregiving.
By Janet Bodnar • Published
-
Now You Can Own Bitcoin in 401(k)s. Should You?
cryptocurrency Fidelity will begin allowing investors to put Bitcoin in their 401(k)s. But is this retirement vehicle the right place to hold crypto?
By Charles Lewis Sizemore, CFA • Last updated
-
Start the Elder Care Conversation
long term care Many people don't have a plan set where an elderly parent will go. Do you?
By Janet Bodnar • Published
-
What’s Your Retirement Number?
Financial Planning To cross the finish line when you want, find the right target for your retirement savings and follow our training regimen.
By Sandra Block • Published
-
Take This Job, I'm Retiring
Financial Planning The pandemic and bull market have led to an increase in the number of workers who are retiring. You might call it the Gray Resignation.
By Sandra Block • Published