Three Home Buying Lessons I Learned the Hard Way

Buying a home is an emotional roller coaster. You learn a lot about yourself, your needs, and a whole lot more along the way. So, let's set the scene.

It was the summer of 2021. We were growing tired of renting, so we decided to try buying a home. However, there was a problem: Where we lived in Florida, we couldn't get a shack for under $500k.

Instead, we moved to the Midwest, where our money went quite a bit further. We bought a home built in 1985 that was a capsule in time. Thanks to my in-laws, we were able to revitalize the place, making it look contemporary and upgrading its functionality.

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Now, with our baby girl soon to be crawling around our small home, we realized we need more space. As such, we're starting to see some of the oopsies we — and many homebuyers — might make when buying a home. Here are some of the things we learned, and expert tips to help you avoid them.

Lesson 1: Build a buyer's profile

Real estate agent, broker and writer of the newly released The Pursuit of Home: A Real Estate Guide to Achieving the American Dream, Scott Harris says doing your homework should be your first step.

"Buying a home feels like something we should know how to do, but too often, buyers go in half-cocked," he said. "They spend more time planning their vacations than what they want in a home."

Our situation was unique in that we had a retired real estate agent helping us every step of the way. But we also didn't have the hard conversations about wants either. It ended up working well for us, aside from the space issue, but that's a lesson we're definitely adopting moving forward.

The solution: If you're in a relationship, start by having a conversation about each person's values in a home. As Harris puts it, "You want to row together."

And if you're a single buyer, find an encouraging voice to help you. "You want a cheerleader during this process, not someone who's going to bring you down and question every decision you make," Harris remarked.

The goal is to set a table of expectations ahead of time of what you're willing to compromise on and what you're not willing to. This sets the stage for being on the same page when making difficult decisions about locations, budget and more.

Lesson 2: Don't always choose the first real estate agent

Your real estate agent is one of the most important decisions you'll make in the home-buying process. They should take the time to understand your needs, set expectations and negotiate on your behalf.

Choosing the wrong agent can make what should be an exciting process frustrating. Thankfully, we didn't have that issue, as our agent was a family member who knew the area and our needs well. But now that we're going to move away from the area (eventually), we'll need to go through this too.

The solution: You should interview a few agents. This will give you a chance to see who fits your needs best. If you're buying with a spouse, work together to have a few questions prepared to ask each agent.

And if you're buying alone, consult with a trusted friend or loved one about the questions you ask. Making sure you're on the same page with your realtor at the beginning can prevent many problems from arising later.

Similar to agents, make sure to shop around for the best mortgage rates. This Bankrate tool can help you compare options fast:

Lesson 3: Know when to walk away

Buying a home is a stressful process. Even when you do find a home you love, chances are there are at least a dozen others who love it, too.

Before we bought our first home, we placed offers on others. When we received those rejection calls, it started to weigh on us. And desperation kicked in.

That's what you don't want. As Harris said, "Sometimes you need to step back and give yourself some time to feel the feelings. Know that 25% of the time, those making the winning bid walk away."

The solution: As hard as it is, you can't allow emotions to influence your buying decisions.

"If you're looking at listings or going to open houses and you're not wowed by any of them, it's likely your mind's way of protecting you, since you're not emotionally ready yet," Harris said.

It's why you need to have the hard conversations with your spouse, friend or realtor. If it doesn't feel right in your gut, it's OK to walk away. It won't be easy to do so, but there's a reason you feel the way you do.

Harris added, "Keep in mind that 50% overpay for homes. Sometimes you're pushing too hard to get a deal done. "

Ultimately, buying a home should be an exciting time in your life. By doing your homework, having the hard conversations up front and shopping around for the realtor that best fits your needs, you're grounded in your decisions.

As such, you won't allow emotions to dictate your buying decisions. It will make the process much less stressful and give you the clarity you need to have confidence in the decision you make.

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