How to Keep a Family Reunion Going for Decades, According to a Family That's Done It for Over 40 Years
Don't just plan a one-off family reunion. Establish a legacy that lives on for generations.
42 years ago, my grandfather, his cousins and their parents organized the first of what would become a biannual family reunion with well over 100 relatives in attendance. In those decades, our family has grown so large, it's becoming unwieldy and a little detached.
The generation that started the tradition were fairly tight-knit, and many made an effort to see each other outside of reunion years anyway. But for the younger generations to come after, we only ever see most of our distant cousins at the biannual reunion.
The biggest challenge with planning a family reunion is less about the logistics – any standard guide to event planning will cover you there. The biggest challenge is getting people to keep attending year after year.
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This year, we used the reunion as an opportunity to reflect on how future generations (mine included) can keep the tradition going. I wanted to share what we talked about with others who might be struggling to get a tradition like this started in the first place for their own family.
1. Reconnect with the relatives you want to invite outside of the reunion
The "founders" of our family reunion started it in an effort to reconnect family members that had grown up together and seen each other at regular family gatherings since the 1940s. As they grew older, they moved to different states and those family gatherings grew less frequent. The first family reunion in 1984 was a replacement for those gatherings among a group of people who were already relatively close.
Today, my generation doesn't have that same history. We grew up all over the country and many of us only ever see each other at our biannual reunion. If we were starting a reunion from scratch, I might not even have the contact information for half of them, let alone a close enough relationship to invite them to a reunion.
If your family is far flung like ours has become, start by just reaching out to your relatives and finding a way to reconnect with some of them outside of a big reunion. This might not be practical to do via in-person gatherings. But if you haven't seen some of these folks for a while, find a way to connect the family in a low stakes, low effort way – a Facebook group, a family group chat, a family website.
You just want a way to get everyone on each other's radar so that when you do meet in person for a reunion, it's not a gathering of strangers. It's easier to want to go to a reunion when you feel like you know the people who will be there.
2. Start small
In the 80s, our family reunion was fairly small (for an Irish Catholic family). It was essentially the siblings who'd grown up together gathering back in their hometown with their kids and spouses in tow. It grew to the size it has because the tradition of having a reunion was already in place when the children of those siblings grew up and had kids and spouses of their own.
So you can start small, with relatives who know each other well enough that a reunion is an easy yes. Then, either try to expand your invite list each year or just give that core family time to grow on its own.
A smaller reunion to start will also be easier logistically. If you're not a professional event planner, it's nice to start with a more manageable head count.
3. Establish a family reunion planning committee
No single person should shoulder all of the responsibilities of event planning. The logistics are far more manageable if you've got a team.
In our family, the planning is done by a committee who meet up (via video chats) in the months leading up to the reunion to figure out the details. The people on that committee change depending on who is hosting. But it's never up to one person to organize accommodations, venues and catering for our 100+ head count reunion.
Don't try to do it on your own, either. When you're reaching out to reconnect with family members, try to find at least one or two others who are excited enough about the idea to plan it with you.
4. Talk about your budget and finances early
A family reunion doesn't have to be expensive, but it's unlikely to be completely free of costs. You may need to rent out a venue. You'll definitely need to provide food, either via catering or by buying enough food to cook for a large group. Just as you shouldn't shoulder all the responsibilities of planning, you shouldn't shoulder all the costs, either.
Our family handles the financial side a couple of different ways. The main one: After securing the accommodations, pricing out the catering and figuring out the other costs for the event, the planning committee comes up with a cost per person. When invites go out, so does a request for that cost per person. We also have a few generous elders who donate more than their share of the costs.
Lastly, our family runs a silent auction at each reunion to raise extra funds for the next reunion. It features family heirlooms, local specialties brought in from the various states our family members now live, handcrafted items and other things that give people something fun to take home. The auction doesn't raise enough on its own to cover the full cost of the reunion, but it's a fun way to pad the budget.
All that money raised through the auction, the donations, and the funds gathered from each family member that RSVPs goes into its own account (currently managed by one of my great-uncles).
When you're just starting out, you might have to be one of the "generous elders" donating more than your share of the costs. But don't be afraid to ask for contributions as our family does. Just make sure to fit the event to your budget rather than the other way around.
You can pad your budget a little more by making that dedicated reunion account a high-yield savings account.
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5. Keep the itinerary simple
The most important part of a family reunion is family. You don't need an elaborate schedule of activities. You just need space and time to gather. Over the decades, our family has honed a kind of template for what each reunion will look like:
- Friday: Everyone arrives at the destination in their own time. There's an informal gathering (usually in the hotel's hospitality room) with a spread of food and drinks that people can get as they come in. We also wear name tags to avoid those awkward "I should know your name, but I don't" moments.
- Saturday: We take a big family photo, wearing our family shirts. This is the only thing that we have to be punctual for. Then, we have a picnic with some games. Later in the evening, we have dinner and a talent show (our family likes to sing). There are start times listed for these activities, but showing up late isn't a big deal.
- Sunday: The only planned activity for this day is brunch. Some relatives leave early, some stay a little longer to do their own thing.
Having a base template for what each reunion will look like can make the planning more straightforward year after year. You don't have to reinvent the wheel each time.
Above all, keep it simple. Getting dozens of people to show up at the same time in the same place isn't easy. So keep your agenda loose and minimize the number of activities that demand strict punctuality.
6. Make it a multigenerational collaboration
One of the biggest takeaways to come out of our discussion at this year's family reunion: It's time for younger generations to step up when it comes to planning. For decades, the children of the first generation have been doing a lot of the work, but they are now in their 80s.
While my mother and her generation have gotten more involved in the last 20 years or so, we realized that there needs to be a more intentional transfer of responsibilities from one generation to the next.
If you want to build a tradition strong enough to outlast you, you need to invite younger generations to participate in the planning and decision making around what your family reunion looks like.
In our case, this means making sure that the reunion planning committee includes representatives from different generations – my grandparent's generation which possess the knowledge and experience of planning these gatherings for the last few decades, my parent's generation which has gotten more involved, and my own generation which has been attending these events all our lives and are now old enough to start learning the ropes.
The goal is that by maintaining this multigenerational mix, even when my generation becomes the oldest one at the reunion, the transition of planning duties from one generation to the next will be a lot smoother.
Just go for it
If you've been thinking about starting a reunion for your family, I hope you take this as your sign to take the leap. Because instilling this tradition in your family is worth it. I have been attending these reunions since I was a baby and I hope to see them keep going even into my 90s.
One weekend isn't enough time to reconnect with every member of my family as deeply as I might like. But there's something special about taking this time every other year to gather, check in with each other and sing "Oh, Danny Boy" for the umpteenth time.
Keeping a family reunion going takes teamwork. Take our quick quiz to discover the role you could play in building a family tradition that lasts for generations.
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