The Rise of Gray Divorce: Why and Why Not?
Al and Tipper Gore could be the poster children for one reason why divorce for those 50 and up is on the rise. There are many other factors at play, and several financial considerations to keep in mind, too.
Till death do us part? Not so much. In the past 25 years, the divorce rate for Americans over the age of 50 has more than doubled.
While divorce rates for other age groups have leveled off or even fallen, one out of every four people going through a divorce in the United States is 50 or older, according to research by sociologists Susan L. Brown and I-Fen Lin. Compare that to 1990, when fewer than 1 in 10 people who got divorced was over 50. The research went on to note that it wasn’t just remarried older people who were getting divorced — more than half of all gray divorces are with couples who have been married for over 20 years.
“He slurps his soup; she nags him about not putting the dishes in the sink; he doesn’t understand me …” I get that. I thought after 20 years, the “soup slurping” and “dirty dishes on the table” just get to be part of the daily married-life ballet. You have history, kids, family, illness and frankly have lived through a lot of drama that life throws your way.
![https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/hwgJ7osrMtUWhk5koeVme7-200-80.png](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/hwgJ7osrMtUWhk5koeVme7-320-80.png)
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
The Tipper and Al Gore Syndrome
Their story is much the same as many long-term marriages. After having four kids and 40 years of marriage, they simply had grown apart and wanted to go it alone. Tipper asserts that it was not that he was dull and boring or cheating on her. But, they are a classic example of a gray divorce.
Are people expecting more of a sense of happiness and fulfillment today, than they were before? It’s possible. And it seems that couples are just not willing to put up with an “Irish Divorce” anymore. The Urban Dictionary describes this term with related words like; “the not-divorce marriage, abandoned, deserted, dumped, loveless marriage.”
You may have grown up seeing your parents or your friends’ parents going through the motions of marriage, and not engaged in a loving partnership. Have you ever been at a restaurant and seen couples eating and not interacting at all? Many of us just thought that was the way advanced married couples acted, that was the way it was supposed to be.
Why Is This Happening?
Several factors are converging. The stigma of divorce is disappearing. Even Pope Francis and the Catholic Church are re-examining their posture toward the church’s stance on divorce. People are also living longer, and so the prospects of remaining in an empty relationship don’t bode well for many people today. They are allowed to act to change their future. Another reason for the increase in gray divorce appears to be the economic gains women are making, according to an NPR report quoting Brown. “Many no longer have to choose between a bad marriage and poverty.”
The advent of easy online dating may also have given older people hope for a better relationship. The prospect of living with someone you no longer love and respect appears to not be a sacrifice worth taking for many. Online dating is accepted and is the norm for all age groups. Seniors are also meeting via activities and travel.
OK, you have decided to call it quits in your twilight years, what do you have to know about the money side of your relationship and life on your own?
Financial Considerations
- Alimony is almost always granted after long-term marriages. When you divorce in your younger years, usually “rehabilitative” alimony is granted, which will supply support while the spouse gets back on their feet. However, if it’s a long-term marriage, in most cases alimony is given for life. If it is a second marriage that is short term, alimony may fall in between the above circumstances.
- Retirement money is usually cut in half. It doesn’t matter if this is a no-fault or at-fault divorce. Pension plans may be used to offset alimony, but make sure that you both are being advised on the tax implications.
- The family house will become an asset that has to be valued and split. Make sure that if you opt to keep the house that you don’t become house-poor. The house needs to be maintained, taxes and utilities paid and those costs may greatly eat into any monetary settlements.
- Remarriages are more likely to end in divorce, so think about a pre-nup for your next marriage. In it you can deal with a lot of these monetary issues before emotions are running at a fevered pitch. There may be adult children on both sides to consider, other assets, and lots of other issues to think about. Seek professional advice from your lawyers, accountants and financial advisers. Your wills need to be adjusted to reflect your new circumstances, as well.
Gray divorce might not be a tragedy. You may be empowered to design and obtain a more fulfilling life than you may now have. How wonderful not to feel that your present marriage is a life-sentence. But also, I caution you: Maybe it’s better to work on your present relationship and not assume that your spouse will be inflexible. The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, but sometimes, it’s not.
Get Kiplinger Today newsletter — free
Profit and prosper with the best of Kiplinger's advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and much more. Delivered daily. Enter your email in the box and click Sign Me Up.
Neale Godfrey is a New York Times #1 best-selling author of 27 books, which empower families (and their kids and grandkids) to take charge of their financial lives. Godfrey started her journey with The Chase Manhattan Bank, joining as one of the first female executives, and later became president of The First Women's Bank and founder of The First Children's Bank. Neale pioneered the topic of "kids and money," which took off after her 13 appearances on "The Oprah Winfrey Show." www.nealegodfrey.com
-
Visa Is the Worst Dow Stock Wednesday. Here's Why
Visa stock is down sharply Wednesday after the credit card company came up short of revenue expectations for its fiscal Q3.
By Joey Solitro Published
-
Another Analyst Moves to the Sidelines on Tesla Stock After Earnings
Tesla stock is spiraling Wednesday after the EV maker's big earnings miss and Wall Street has been quick to weigh in. Here's what you need to know.
By Joey Solitro Published
-
Confused by Annuities? Making Sense of the Different Types
Many investors aren't sure if annuities are a good option for meeting financial goals. Let's look at the different categories, along with their pros and cons.
By Kris Maksimovich, AIF®, CRPC®, CPFA®, CRC® Published
-
Talkin' 'Bout My Generational Wealth: Baby Boomers
With retirement, each generation has different priorities and challenges. For Baby Boomers, it's a matter of ready or not, here it comes.
By Alvina Lo Published
-
How to Avoid a Big Hassle if Your Financed Car Gets Wrecked
How an insurance check is made out for repairs can cause a world of problems if the lienholder is left out.
By H. Dennis Beaver, Esq. Published
-
Estate Planning Strategies to Consider as Election Nears
Are big changes in tax laws coming soon? Not likely, but you might want to take advantage of higher estate and gift tax exemptions well before the end of 2025.
By David Handler, J.D. Published
-
How to Get Your Money's Worth From Your Financial Adviser
A good financial adviser will focus on how your financial planning and investment strategy align with your lifestyle and aspirations.
By Pam Krueger Published
-
Think of Prenups and Postnups as Financial Planning Tools
These contracts provide a clear framework for asset management and protection and are especially useful if you get married later in life.
By Andrew Hatherley, CDFA®, CRPC® Published
-
Congratulations on Your Raise: Three Things to Do With It
We're not saying you shouldn't spend it on a new car, but there are some considerations to guard against lifestyle creep and to help ensure a comfy retirement.
By Andrew Rosen, CFP®, CEP Published
-
Check Off These Four Financial Tasks to Finish 2024 Strong
The new year is a popular time to set financial goals, but now is the ideal time to check how you're doing. Four tweaks could make a big difference.
By Daniel Razvi, Esquire Published