The Rise of Gray Divorce: Why and Why Not?
Al and Tipper Gore could be the poster children for one reason why divorce for those 50 and up is on the rise. There are many other factors at play, and several financial considerations to keep in mind, too.
You are now subscribed
Your newsletter sign-up was successful
Want to add more newsletters?
Delivered daily
Kiplinger Today
Profit and prosper with the best of Kiplinger's advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and much more delivered daily. Smart money moves start here.
Sent five days a week
Kiplinger A Step Ahead
Get practical help to make better financial decisions in your everyday life, from spending to savings on top deals.
Delivered daily
Kiplinger Closing Bell
Get today's biggest financial and investing headlines delivered to your inbox every day the U.S. stock market is open.
Sent twice a week
Kiplinger Adviser Intel
Financial pros across the country share best practices and fresh tactics to preserve and grow your wealth.
Delivered weekly
Kiplinger Tax Tips
Trim your federal and state tax bills with practical tax-planning and tax-cutting strategies.
Sent twice a week
Kiplinger Retirement Tips
Your twice-a-week guide to planning and enjoying a financially secure and richly rewarding retirement
Sent bimonthly.
Kiplinger Adviser Angle
Insights for advisers, wealth managers and other financial professionals.
Sent twice a week
Kiplinger Investing Weekly
Your twice-a-week roundup of promising stocks, funds, companies and industries you should consider, ones you should avoid, and why.
Sent weekly for six weeks
Kiplinger Invest for Retirement
Your step-by-step six-part series on how to invest for retirement, from devising a successful strategy to exactly which investments to choose.
Till death do us part? Not so much. In the past 25 years, the divorce rate for Americans over the age of 50 has more than doubled.
While divorce rates for other age groups have leveled off or even fallen, one out of every four people going through a divorce in the United States is 50 or older, according to research by sociologists Susan L. Brown and I-Fen Lin. Compare that to 1990, when fewer than 1 in 10 people who got divorced was over 50. The research went on to note that it wasn’t just remarried older people who were getting divorced — more than half of all gray divorces are with couples who have been married for over 20 years.
“He slurps his soup; she nags him about not putting the dishes in the sink; he doesn’t understand me …” I get that. I thought after 20 years, the “soup slurping” and “dirty dishes on the table” just get to be part of the daily married-life ballet. You have history, kids, family, illness and frankly have lived through a lot of drama that life throws your way.
From just $107.88 $24.99 for Kiplinger Personal Finance
Become a smarter, better informed investor. Subscribe from just $107.88 $24.99, plus get up to 4 Special Issues
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
The Tipper and Al Gore Syndrome
Their story is much the same as many long-term marriages. After having four kids and 40 years of marriage, they simply had grown apart and wanted to go it alone. Tipper asserts that it was not that he was dull and boring or cheating on her. But, they are a classic example of a gray divorce.
Are people expecting more of a sense of happiness and fulfillment today, than they were before? It’s possible. And it seems that couples are just not willing to put up with an “Irish Divorce” anymore. The Urban Dictionary describes this term with related words like; “the not-divorce marriage, abandoned, deserted, dumped, loveless marriage.”
You may have grown up seeing your parents or your friends’ parents going through the motions of marriage, and not engaged in a loving partnership. Have you ever been at a restaurant and seen couples eating and not interacting at all? Many of us just thought that was the way advanced married couples acted, that was the way it was supposed to be.
Why Is This Happening?
Several factors are converging. The stigma of divorce is disappearing. Even Pope Francis and the Catholic Church are re-examining their posture toward the church’s stance on divorce. People are also living longer, and so the prospects of remaining in an empty relationship don’t bode well for many people today. They are allowed to act to change their future. Another reason for the increase in gray divorce appears to be the economic gains women are making, according to an NPR report quoting Brown. “Many no longer have to choose between a bad marriage and poverty.”
The advent of easy online dating may also have given older people hope for a better relationship. The prospect of living with someone you no longer love and respect appears to not be a sacrifice worth taking for many. Online dating is accepted and is the norm for all age groups. Seniors are also meeting via activities and travel.
OK, you have decided to call it quits in your twilight years, what do you have to know about the money side of your relationship and life on your own?
Financial Considerations
- Alimony is almost always granted after long-term marriages. When you divorce in your younger years, usually “rehabilitative” alimony is granted, which will supply support while the spouse gets back on their feet. However, if it’s a long-term marriage, in most cases alimony is given for life. If it is a second marriage that is short term, alimony may fall in between the above circumstances.
- Retirement money is usually cut in half. It doesn’t matter if this is a no-fault or at-fault divorce. Pension plans may be used to offset alimony, but make sure that you both are being advised on the tax implications.
- The family house will become an asset that has to be valued and split. Make sure that if you opt to keep the house that you don’t become house-poor. The house needs to be maintained, taxes and utilities paid and those costs may greatly eat into any monetary settlements.
- Remarriages are more likely to end in divorce, so think about a pre-nup for your next marriage. In it you can deal with a lot of these monetary issues before emotions are running at a fevered pitch. There may be adult children on both sides to consider, other assets, and lots of other issues to think about. Seek professional advice from your lawyers, accountants and financial advisers. Your wills need to be adjusted to reflect your new circumstances, as well.
Gray divorce might not be a tragedy. You may be empowered to design and obtain a more fulfilling life than you may now have. How wonderful not to feel that your present marriage is a life-sentence. But also, I caution you: Maybe it’s better to work on your present relationship and not assume that your spouse will be inflexible. The grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, but sometimes, it’s not.
-
The Cost of Leaving Your Money in a Low-Rate AccountWhy parking your cash in low-yield accounts could be costing you, and smarter alternatives that preserve liquidity while boosting returns.
-
I want to sell our beach house to retire now, but my wife wants to keep it.I want to sell the $610K vacation home and retire now, but my wife envisions a beach retirement in 8 years. We asked financial advisers to weigh in.
-
How to Add a Pet Trust to Your Estate PlanAdding a pet trust to your estate plan can ensure your pets are properly looked after when you're no longer able to care for them. This is how to go about it.
-
How to Add a Pet Trust to Your Estate Plan: Don't Leave Your Best Friend to Chance
Adding a pet trust to your estate plan can ensure your pets are properly looked after when you're no longer able to care for them. This is how to go about it.
-
Want to Avoid Leaving Chaos in Your Wake? Don't Leave Behind an Outdated Estate PlanAn outdated or incomplete estate plan could cause confusion for those handling your affairs at a difficult time. This guide highlights what to update and when.
-
I'm a Financial Adviser: This Is Why I Became an Advocate for Fee-Only Financial AdviceCan financial advisers who earn commissions on product sales give clients the best advice? For one professional, changing track was the clear choice.
-
I Met With 100-Plus Advisers to Develop This Road Map for Adopting AIFor financial advisers eager to embrace AI but unsure where to start, this road map will help you integrate the right tools and safeguards into your work.
-
The Referral Revolution: How to Grow Your Business With TrustYou can attract ideal clients by focusing on value and leveraging your current relationships to create a referral-based practice.
-
This Is How You Can Land a Job You'll Love"Work How You Are Wired" leads job seekers on a journey of self-discovery that could help them snag the job of their dreams.
-
65 or Older? Cut Your Tax Bill Before the Clock Runs OutThanks to the OBBBA, you may be able to trim your tax bill by as much as $14,000. But you'll need to act soon, as not all of the provisions are permanent.
-
The Key to a Successful Transition When Selling Your Business: Start the Process Sooner Than You Think You Need ToWay before selling your business, you can align tax strategy, estate planning, family priorities and investment decisions to create flexibility.
