Talking to Your Family About Money
Being open and honest with your parents, your children and yourselves can be daunting, but it's necessary for financial wellness. Here are a few strategies for breaking the ice.
Talking about money can often be considered taboo. In fact, we often see that closest friends share even the most intimate details of their lives with each other — except they still don’t talk about money. And a recent study showed that at a dinner party, people would rather discuss romance, religion, medical conditions or even politics than talk about their salary.
When you add family dynamics to the mix, talking about money can even be emotional. Perhaps your parents are nearing retirement, and you’re concerned about how much they’ve saved. As parents age, the caregiver becomes the cared for, and that naturally brings thoughts of the future. Are their finances in order? Will the burden of paying for their health care fall on you? How would you pay for a funeral?
Similarly tricky is talking to your children about money. What do you say when they want that $250 pair of sneakers? And how are your own money habits? Your children are paying attention to how you prioritize spending, whether you realize it or not.
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
Difficult money conversations are not something you just bring up at a family barbecue. When it comes to your aging parents, you’re confronting the conversation around dying, and it’s difficult. When it comes to your own children, it’s about setting an example for good money habits. And if you don’t speak with your own children about money, they’re going to find it difficult to speak with you as you age.
Talking with our aging parents and our children about money and the future is critical to their financial wellness — and our own. Prudential’s recent Financial Wellness Census found that most Americans (75%) cite having enough savings to last through retirement as a priority. Yet nearly a third of Americans don’t have a realistic picture of their own financial health. They either believe they are closer to their goals than they really are, or think they are further from their goals than they actually are.
If we don’t have a clear picture of our own finances, how can we possibly understand those of our parents and set an example for our children? Communication is key to financial wellness. Here are a few tips to have those tough conversations with respect, tact and care.
1. The regular check-in.
If you notice your parents’ bills are not getting paid on time and things are starting to slip, offer a helping hand. Use these moments as entry points to start a conversation about their finances. Consider regular check-ins to help make sure they stay on top of not just finances, but also health and wellness. Waiting until a medical crisis or some other unexpected change hits can take an emotional toll and lead to costly ill-considered decisions. In fact, 85% of long-term care decisions are made during a medical crisis. Avoid being forced to make important financial decisions under emotional, high-stress conditions with a regular check-in instead.
2. The casual conversation.
Roughly one-third of parents over the age of 60 say they’ve never discussed later-life needs with family. But it’s important to talk about. Consider starting from a low-pressure, advice-seeking standpoint. “Hey, Mom and Dad, here’s what I’ve been thinking about for my own finances. Have you thought about this, too?” Or, “I’m concerned about what might happen to my kids if something happens to me. Have you thought about that?” Coming at it from that angle breaks the ice and can make it less daunting.
3. The family meeting.
Setting up family meetings with your adviser can create a neutral territory for productive discussions. The conversation might go something like this: “I’m trying to get some things organized. I’m meeting with my financial adviser to get some advice. Would you come with me?” Bringing your parent to meet with your financial adviser takes the onus off you. The adviser can start a conversation with smaller concepts, like health care proxies. From there it is easier to tackle harder conversations about health care planning. The key is easing into these conversations through your adviser or financial planner.
4. The responsible parent.
Focusing on your own financial planning has added benefits. Remember, you’re aging too. What happens when your children try to have these same conversations with you someday? Are you prepared for that — and will they be? You can pave the way now and be a model for your children on how to be financially responsible. Be more transparent about how you use money and why. You can also leverage these moments into more difficult conversations. “If something happens to me, don’t worry. This is how we’ll handle it.” This approach also forces you as a parent to be on top of your financial game. Kids watch everything, so be a role model.
5. The age-appropriate conversation.
Teaching our children financial literacy is important at every age. If they are financially literate early on, chances are the conversations around finances as you age will be easier to broach. But it’s important to keep these conversations age-appropriate. For example, some money lessons are most impactful if you tie them to an upcoming life event. If you have college-age children, talk to them about debt and get them thinking about the consequences before taking out an education loan.
I have three older children, and my mother lives with me, so this is real for me, too. As a lawyer, my family is used to me speaking more matter-of-factly about things. Still, when I talk to my own children about these topics they look at me funny and wonder if something is wrong. I reassure them that everything is fine and that I’m letting them know just in case.
And whether it’s talking to your aging relatives, your own children or even working on your own finances, being prepared for the “just in case” is the key to financial wellness.
1023863-00001-00
To continue reading this article
please register for free
This is different from signing in to your print subscription
Why am I seeing this? Find out more here
Salene Hitchcock-Gear is president of Prudential Individual Life Insurance, a business unit of Prudential that offers competitive solutions to meet the needs of consumers through the manufacturing and distribution of a diverse portfolio of life insurance products. An insurance industry veteran with more than 30 years of experience, Hitchcock-Gear joined Prudential in 2017 as chief operating officer of Prudential Advisors, the Company’s national sales organization with more than 3,000 financial professionals, advisors and fee-based financial planners who offer clients a broad range of financial solutions. She became president of the Individual Life Insurance business in 2018.
-
Earn Delta SkyMiles Worth Up to $1,800 with an AMEX Business Card
Delta SkyMiles and American Express offer 150,000 on business credit card for new cardholders.
By Ellen Kennedy Published
-
Stock Market Today: Markets Soar Amid Strong Earnings for Big Tech
Equities ended the week on an up note thanks to some of the market's biggest names.
By Dan Burrows Published
-
How Annuities Can Help You Retire Early and Delay Social Security
Waiting until 70 to claim Social Security benefits can pay off, so how do you bridge the gap between giving up your paycheck and filing for benefits?
By Ken Nuss Published
-
How to Get Your Kids to Step Off the Gravy Train
A surprising number of young adults live with their parents. Setting some financial ground rules could get the kids out on their own faster.
By Neale Godfrey, Financial Literacy Expert Published
-
Spring Is a Good Time to Clean Up Your Finances, Too
While you’re decluttering your home for spring, consider also taking a crack at cleaning up your finances and old paperwork.
By Tony Drake, CFP®, Investment Advisor Representative Published
-
Is Your Retirement Solution Hiding in Plain Sight?
Here’s how to use your home equity in combination with an annuity contract to produce late-in-life income.
By Jerry Golden, Investment Adviser Representative Published
-
How to Choose Your Trustee or Executor of Your Will
Above all, you should choose someone you trust, keeping in mind that acting as a trustee or executor can be a complex, thankless and sometimes long-term job.
By John M. Goralka Published
-
Three Steps for Women to Take Control of Their Finances
These strategies are especially for women who are new to managing their money because of divorce or the death of a spouse.
By Emily Glassman Published
-
How AI Can Help Take the Emotion Out of Investor Decisions
AI-driven recommendations can complement human judgment, leading to more rational choices that aren’t as influenced by biases and blind spots.
By Francis Geeseok Oh Published
-
Can You 1031 Exchange into a REIT?
No, you can't, but two other REIT-like alternatives let you defer capital gains taxes while giving you exposure to institutional-quality real estate assets.
By Daniel Goodwin Published