A Crime of Passion, Sweetheart Scams Can Be Costly
My mom was one of thousands preyed upon by this nasty con. Here’s what to watch out for and how to protect those you love.
![](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/ye2rBBVM9X3PS9H7ycvP6o-415-80.jpg)
It was one of the worst calls I've ever received. I was informed by a social worker that my mom was a victim of a sweetheart scam.
The news made me realize that, even though my sister is a compliance officer and I serve on the Elder Abuse and Financial Exploitation Prevention Committee in our nation’s capital, our own mother isn't immune to fraud.
The truth is, my mom isn't alone. According to the IC3 Internet Crime Report in 2013, there were 6,412 reports of sweetheart scams costing victims close to $82 million. Older people are especially at risk for fraud. Americans 65 and up are more likely to be targeted by con artists and more likely to lose money, according to a study from the Fraud Research Center.
![https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/hwgJ7osrMtUWhk5koeVme7-200-80.png](https://cdn.mos.cms.futurecdn.net/hwgJ7osrMtUWhk5koeVme7-320-80.png)
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
I bought my mom an iPhone in April 2015, two months after my dad passed away. The goal was to help her connect with the world as she traveled to visit her cousin and some high school classmates. She's always been active on Facebook and started meeting people.
I encouraged her to meet people through introductions and get together during the day in public places. After the death of my dad, I was supportive of her connecting with others through bereavement groups and social activities.
As a financial adviser and advocate for the aging population, I coached my mother about strangers. We had discussions about the danger of sharing personal information. Unfortunately, she met someone online who tricked her. He said he was experiencing financial difficulty, and my caring, trusting mom wanted to help him out. It cost her several thousand dollars.
There is nothing sweet about a scam
Sweetheart scams can happen on the Internet or in person. Con artists scour online dating sites, social media accounts and chat threads searching for targets. Those recently divorced or widowed can be especially vulnerable.
The sweetheart scam seduces victims into thinking they are in a whirlwind romance. Con artists pretend to want a romantic relationship to swindle the person. They use persuasion and emotional blackmail to hook and reel in a target.
Once the relationship is established, the criminal fabricates a crisis. A scammer might say he or she needs an operation or cash to visit the victim.
Many victims are often embarrassed to come forward. Fortunately, in my mom's case a social worker spotted the fraud, and together they contacted me. Although my mom had already sent this con artist about $5,000, we were able to intervene in time to stop a $15,000 wire transfer.
Speaking from a financial adviser viewpoint, the sweetheart scam is a dastardly, cowardly act that could jeopardize a senior’s financial stability in retirement.
From personal and professional experience, I offer a few tips:
Silence is not golden. Be an advocate for loved ones, neighbors, church members and aging friends. Encourage open communication, because silence is a deadly weapon. Ask about what is going on in their lives and ask about their day. Inquire if they have met someone new.
Be a detective. Once you find out about a new acquaintance, do some sleuthing by looking up the person online. Googling is a key weapon in discovering dishonesty online.
Go face-to-face. Encourage people to meet in safe places, such as a library or coffee house. Research potential social gatherings through a trusted organization, such as church or single's group in your hometown.
Do some research. Visit the National Adult Protective Services Association’s website. It has great resources about warning signs and what to do if you suspect someone you love is being taken advantage of.
I don't want to scare the hopeless romantics out there. My mom did make some nice connections. Unfortunately, there are people who pretend to be something they are not and try to lure our loved ones into their web of lies. Knowing a few key signs to watch for can protect the vulnerable people in our lives.
Marguerita M. Cheng is the Chief Executive Officer at Blue Ocean Global Wealth. She is a CFP® professional, a Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor℠, Retirement Income Certified Professional and a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst. She helps educate the public, policymakers and media about the benefits of competent, ethical financial planning.
Get Kiplinger Today newsletter — free
Profit and prosper with the best of Kiplinger's advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and much more. Delivered daily. Enter your email in the box and click Sign Me Up.
Marguerita M. Cheng is the Chief Executive Officer at Blue Ocean Global Wealth. She is a CFP® professional, a Chartered Retirement Planning Counselor℠ and a Retirement Income Certified Professional. She helps educate the public, policymakers and media about the benefits of competent, ethical financial planning.
-
Stock Market Today: Dow Outperforms After IBM Earnings
Investors also parsed a strong reading on second-quarter GDP and a dismal decline in durable goods.
By Karee Venema Published
-
Try the 6 to 1 Grocery Shopping Method to Save Time and Money
The 6 to 1 Grocery Method can help you save money, reduce waste and eat healthier.
By Erin Bendig Published
-
If You're the Millionaire Next Door, You May Be a Terrible Spender
Good job on all that great saving. Now you need to start spending some of that hard-earned retirement savings on the things you love.
By Joe F. Schmitz Jr., CFP®, ChFC® Published
-
Who Will Be the Beneficiaries of Your Wealth?
Deciding who you want to inherit your wealth, as well as when and how, is a crucial first step in estate planning. Here are the four beneficiaries to keep in mind.
By Adam Frank Published
-
Confused by Annuities? Making Sense of the Different Types
Many investors aren't sure if annuities are a good option for meeting financial goals. Let's look at the different categories, along with their pros and cons.
By Kris Maksimovich, AIF®, CRPC®, CPFA®, CRC® Published
-
Talkin' 'Bout My Generational Wealth: Baby Boomers
With retirement, each generation has different priorities and challenges. For Baby Boomers, it's a matter of ready or not, here it comes.
By Alvina Lo Published
-
How to Avoid a Big Hassle if Your Financed Car Gets Wrecked
How an insurance check is made out for repairs can cause a world of problems if the lienholder is left out.
By H. Dennis Beaver, Esq. Published
-
Estate Planning Strategies to Consider as Election Nears
Are big changes in tax laws coming soon? Not likely, but you might want to take advantage of higher estate and gift tax exemptions well before the end of 2025.
By David Handler, J.D. Published
-
How to Get Your Money's Worth From Your Financial Adviser
A good financial adviser will focus on how your financial planning and investment strategy align with your lifestyle and aspirations.
By Pam Krueger Published
-
Think of Prenups and Postnups as Financial Planning Tools
These contracts provide a clear framework for asset management and protection and are especially useful if you get married later in life.
By Andrew Hatherley, CDFA®, CRPC® Published