Celebrating Life When Death Draws Near
A 'living funeral' provides an opportunity for the terminally ill to gather with close friends and relatives to share memories and stories.
- (opens in new tab)
- (opens in new tab)
- (opens in new tab)
- Newsletter sign up Newsletter

Beverly Hills interior designer Bernardo Puccio loves to throw a fabulous party. So a decade ago, when his doctors told him that without a liver transplant he would die in a few months, he spared no expense to throw himself an end-of-life celebration. Puccio had decided against the transplant because he didn't think he would survive it.
Puccio hired a caterer, a florist, an opera singer and a videographer to produce a documentary about his life with his longtime partner. He arranged for valet parking for his 100 guests at the Sunday afternoon garden party. "It was awesome," says Puccio, 71, who's healthy after eventually opting for the liver transplant. "I outdid myself. It was so touching and real."
So-called living funerals are "on the rise," says Denise Carson, author of Parting Ways (University of California Press, $35), which explores alternatives to traditional end-of-life mourning rituals. "Some look like a cross between a wedding and a funeral," she says.

Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
These celebrations provide an opportunity for someone who is near death to gather close friends and relatives and share memories. No rules or customs govern these get-togethers. They can take place anywhere, from a community center to a church or synagogue to a funeral home. "I've seen the honoree dressed in everything from a hospital gown to a tuxedo," Carson says. "Others are more somber, with prayers, psalms, anointing and last rites by clergy."
Some attendees bring mementos, such as photos from a family vacation, or poems to recite. In the 1997 bestseller Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom, the book's subject, Morrie Schwartz, who knows his death is imminent, holds a living funeral in his home because he doesn't want to miss out on tributes to himself.
Carson watched both her parents die young. Her father died at 37, before she could fully learn about his life story. When her mother was diagnosed with cancer 12 years later, Carson was determined to do things differently. She interviewed her mother to learn everything possible about her. A few days before her mother's death in 2002, Carson assembled 30 friends and relatives in her mother's house. As her mother sat on a hospital bed in the center of the living room, attendees shared stories and looked through photo albums. "There were tears, but my mother was able to talk and respond," Carson says. "Why wait if you know someone is dying? Saying how that person changed your life is transforming."
Some people may feel it's disrespectful to throw a party while a person is dying. "But the reason to have it when the person is alive is so the person can attend," says Sharon Mace, owner of A Special Touch Funeral & Cremation Service, in Dublin, Cal. Mace organized her first living funeral for a client 12 years ago. "It was sad, yet it wasn't," she says. "It's a good way to control what happens to you."
Bringing some control to life's most uncontrollable event can be a great comfort to the dying person and loved ones. A living funeral shares some characteristics with "dignity therapy," which was developed by Dr. Harvey Max Chochinov, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Manitoba.
Dignity therapy is a brief psychological intervention that addresses the dying patient's need to feel that life has meaning. During a 30- to 60-minute session, the therapist asks questions that encourage the patient to talk about what matters most. The conversation is recorded, transcribed, edited and then returned to the patient. Many choose to share the document with family and friends. "People want to make sure that who they are gets transmitted to the next generation," says Chochinov, author of Dignity Therapy (Oxford University Press, $56).
For both the dying person and the bereaved, a living funeral offers a special opportunity during a time of grief. "Morbid? For some it might be," Carson says. "But when is the right time to say goodbye, or the last 'I love you' or ‘I'm sorry'? My mom was grateful for it, and I'm glad I wasn't alone."
-
-
Fed Raises Interest Rates Yet Again: What the Experts Are Saying
Federal Reserve The Fed's quarter-point rate hike was welcomed by the market and market pros, alike.
By Dan Burrows • Published
-
Stock Market Today: Stocks Swing Higher After Powell Presser
The Fed raised rates by 0.25%, as expected, and Powell promised to "stay the course until the job is done."
By Karee Venema • Published
-
As the Market Falls, New Retirees Need a Plan
retirement If you’re in the early stages of your retirement, you’re likely in a rough spot watching your portfolio shrink. We have some strategies to make the best of things.
By David Rodeck • Published
-
Retirees: Your Next Companion May Be a Robot
happy retirement Robots may help fill the gap left by a shortage of humans to help older adults live independently.
By Alina Tugend • Published
-
Using Your 401(k) to Delay Getting Social Security and Increase Payments
retirement Your 401(k) can be a bridge from retirement to higher monthly income.
By Elaine Silvestrini • Published
-
How Do I Stop Robocalls From Scamming Me?
retirement The scammers have automated their efforts to separate you from your money. We have ways to make it stop.
By Elaine Silvestrini • Published
-
A Kiplinger-ATHENE Poll: Retirees Are Worried About Money
Making Your Money Last Concerns about recession, inflation and health care costs weigh on retirees and near retirees.
By the editors of Kiplinger's Personal Finance • Published
-
Grandparent Scams Get Victims in Their Hearts
Scams If you get a call from someone who claims to be your grandchild in trouble and needing money right away, be wary. Don’t send any money or give any information until you verify the story.
By Elaine Silvestrini • Published
-
Tech Support Fraud Targets Seniors
retirement Get a message offering help with a computer problem you didn’t think you had? It’s probably a scammer looking for your money and personal information
By Elaine Silvestrini • Published
-
What to Do With Money in a Former Employer’s 401(k)
Basics Leave it behind, move it to your new job’s plan, or roll it over to an IRA. Each of the options has pros and cons.
By Emma Patch • Published