Deciding whether to send your children to public or private school is a huge financial decision, but it’s also fraught with emotions, biases and deeply ingrained personal histories. There is no one right formula or answer to help people determine what’s right for them, but it’s helpful to understand what’s influencing the decision.
Especially with couples, who may have different points of view, the education conversation improves when there’s awareness about emotional triggers, clearly established priorities, the right facts and a framework for decisions.
As a financial adviser, it’s my job to help people make good choices. Here is my advice for clients wrestling with this decision.
Sign up for Kiplinger’s Free E-Newsletters
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice on investing, taxes, retirement, personal finance and more - straight to your e-mail.
Profit and prosper with the best of expert advice - straight to your e-mail.
Understand emotions
Everyone has a personal or family history or a set of cultural values that factors into our thinking about how our children should be educated. For some, public school is an important tradition and reflects commitment to their local community and its diversity. Perhaps both parents are products of a great public-school education, or they moved to a town with high taxes to support excellent schools, and it’s an easy decision that saves a lot of money.
For others, the topic is less clear-cut. Perhaps there is a long line of family members who have attended private school, and it feels like an expectation rather than a choice. Other factors can include a struggling student, the appeal of smaller classrooms, or the desire for a religious influence in the curriculum.
The first step is to articulate how you feel about the decision, and in couples, make sure you are listening, if opinions don’t align perfectly.
Clarify priorities
When I’m working with clients, I try to help them gain clarity about their real values and priorities first, using an exercise that asks them to make trade-offs until they have their own list of priorities. Then they can negotiate a shared list as a couple. As an example, one spouse may prioritize spending time with people they love, while the other may prioritize maintaining a certain lifestyle. Through conversation, couples can discuss their priorities, identifying those they share. They can develop a list that becomes their framework to guide them as they consider the impact of big decisions.
Get the facts
The biggest mistake parents make when thinking about paying private school tuition is failing to forecast the long-term impact of using excess cash flow now instead of saving it for later. Especially when it’s an emotional decision or expectation, clients want to just close their eyes and say yes. It’s critical to quantify all expenses and make a reasonable cash flow forecast for the next several years to see how that affects finances and other goals and priorities, including funding college accounts and retirement plans.
Many couples today have deferred having kids until their mid- or late 30s and are in their 40s when children begin school. These can be peak earning years, but they are also peak saving years, and that’s sometimes lost if children attend private school. By the time children are in college, parents may face a serious retirement saving gap. An honest discussion on cash flow and savings rates over time is important, and the downstream impact should always be considered when parents ask, “Can I afford private schools?”
Establish a framework for decisions
For most clients, the analyses are eye-opening, and they are more aware of the importance of their decision. Identifying the priorities for each person and couple is extremely helpful when it’s time to make up their minds. The goal is to use the family resources for what’s important—as private schools may be—without sacrificing the overarching priorities for quality of life and financial security, among others.
One way to balance these goals is to get creative with making trade-offs so that the decision has more than one black or white variation. As example, to achieve their goals for private education, are they willing to trade:
- K-12 private education for a four-year program instead?
- The assumption that all kids will be treated the same for a more individual decision?
- Some independence in return for asking grandparents to chip in?
- Having one spouse stay at home versus returning to work?
- Cutting other expenses to free up cash flow?
- Pushing planned retirement from 63 to 67?
Find the right answer for you
Going through the process will often lead to a clear decision on forging ahead with a private school education or not, because parents are making an informed decision having weighed all the aspects that they can articulate to family and friends.
Ultimately, knowing your priorities and having conversations that deal with emotional and factual truths result in making choices with clarity, confidence and control—living the life that’s right for you.
-
The Most Tax-Friendly State for Retirement in 2025: Here It IsRetirement Tax How do you retire ‘tax-free’? This state doesn’t tax retirement income, has a low median property tax bill, and even offers savings on gas. Are you ready for a move?
-
Plan for Higher Health Care Costs in 2026: Projected Medicare Part B and Part D PremiumsIn 2026, Medicare participants will pay more for their health care. Part B costs are expected to rise more than 10%. Here's what you can do.
-
Avoid Medicare's 'Shadow Tax' With This Financial Expert's IRMAA-Busting TipsYou're cruising along in retirement, and then bam: Your Medicare premiums soar because your income crossed the limit. Take a breath. There could be a solution.
-
Grilling Season and ETFs: There's More Than One Way to Cook Up a PortfolioExchange-traded funds come in a multitude of 'flavors' these days, from passive to active to factor-based. Their flexibility is what makes them so delicious.
-
You Don't Want It, But You Should Plan for It Anyway: An Expert Guide to Long-Term CarePlanning for long-term care is crucial to protect your independence, family and financial stability against unexpected health events and rising care costs not covered by standard insurance.
-
Five Questions to Help Ensure a Happy, Secure RetirementYou need to drill down to what you really want out of retirement. Then you can get down to the business of crafting a financial plan to make it happen.
-
I'm a Financial Adviser: This Is How You Can Save for Big Goals Even if You Feel Like You're Barely Getting ByLearning good financial habits — building an emergency fund, paying down debt, saving consistently — gives you flexibility, options and a path to security.
-
How to Buy an Annuity Online (Without Regret)You should never be rushed into buying an annuity. But now that they can be sold quickly and easily online, you need to be more alert than ever to pushy salesmanship. Here are four signs you're working online with a professional.
-
How Much Income Will an Indexed Annuity Get You? An Annuities Expert Lays Out the NumbersGuaranteed lifetime income sounds great, but how much will it be? Several factors determine your future payout on indexed annuities with an income rider.
-
Financial Fact vs Fiction: Why Inflation Is Lower, But Prices Are NotDo you think bonds protect you from stock losses? Are you confident your assets will go to your intended heirs if all you have is a will? Think again — and read on for other myths that could be leading you astray.
