Charm School for Your Career
Poor social skills holding you back? Here are seven valuable lessons.
Joe Clueless (a real person whose name I've changed to protect the guilty) is smart, handsome and hardworking. Yet he's been let go many times from corporate jobs and now, at 45, is a substitute teacher. What got in the way of a promising career? He rubbed people the wrong way.
If only he had attended charm school.
Listen up, class. Joe's not alone. Many of you are sabotaging your own careers simply by lacking people skills -- not competence. Truth is, it's hard to get ahead when you're not well-liked. Here are seven lessons to help smooth your rough edges and polish the image you project in the workplace.
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Class in session
LESSON #1: Joe was negative. "This company isn't going anywhere," or "You never told me I should do that!" Even if your concerns are valid, you pay a likeability price for each complaint.
LESSON #2: Joe thought he was smarter than he really is. He stated his opinions as truisms and usually dismissed criticism without reflection or inquiry. Even if you're right, that style unnecessary demeans everyone else.
LESSON #3: Joe didn't let people get a word in edgewise. He'd talk for five minutes without stopping. Of course, everyone thought him rude, egotistical, and stifling of the exchange of ideas.
LESSON #4: Joe had a short fuse, going from zero to 60 in one second. He usually regretted his outbursts and apologized, but by then, it was too late -- everyone dismissed Joe as a hothead.
LESSON #5: Joe was egotistical. He cared little about his customers or his colleagues. Joe cared only about Joe.
LESSON #6: Other people need charm school because they are shy, depressed, or lack confidence. Such people are prone to passive-aggressiveness, which like Joe's traits, can doom a career. For example, such people resent colleagues for being successful, smart, or even physically attractive. Passive-aggressive people might then start rumors about the person, keep that person out of the information loop or claim the person's idea as their own. Often, their subterfuge backfires.
LESSON #7: Often, people violate these rules unintentionally. They work so hard or have such heavy family responsibilities that they lack the emotional reserve to behave as they know they should.
If you think any of these rules might make you more successful, write them on your to-do list. Keep them there.
Marty Nemko (bio) is a career coach and author of Cool Careers for Dummies.
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