Don’t Buy This: Top 20 List of Things That Aren't Worth the Money

Amazon packages have been piling up at my house lately, and I’ve realized I’ve been ordering a wide array of items. Some are essentials, some are bought on a whim, and some are just toys for the kids (to keep them, and us, sane). It got me thinking though, about whether these items really were “worth the money.” That led to a whole new thought process about the things I see my clients and friends purchase. Are all those items worth the money?

I’ve polled many people and compiled the below list. Here you’ll see items that, more times than not, are not worth your hard-earned cash. (Now a quick disclaimer: Don’t hate me if you have a listed item. Love it, and get lots of enjoyment out of it. There’s no one size fits all, and everyone is different.)

The below list is based on trends I’ve noticed in my polling. My commentary (in no particular order):

Kicking off this year’s list is (you guessed it) boats. I can go on and on with all the clichés, but here are my favorite two: 1. “Boat” stands for “Bring On Another Thousand.” 2. “The two best days in a boat-owner’s life are the day they buy and the day they sell.” The reality is there are certainly real boat people. What I’ve found in general is boats cost a ton of money, barely get used, and most boat owners could rent a boat for the handful of times a year they use one. This accomplishes the same thing at a fraction of the cost. There are also great boat-share programs that I’ve seen many clients utilize and love.

I love a good fire pit. Nothing beats sitting outside and enjoying a cocktail under a starlit night. My sense is though, that these pits barely get used. They seem really cool, but most simply sit and rust.

I have one, although I technically inherited it from the previous owners of my home (who, by the way, inherited it from the previous owners before them). In my mind, I’m running a pool hall and hustling people out of thousands of dollars like in the movies. In reality, 99.9% of the time I’m trying to keep my kids from throwing the pool balls at each other’s head. Simply put, no one takes them when they move for a reason.

Again, I love a nice hot tub soak. It’s my favorite thing to do on vacation. Owning one, however, is a different story. They tend to break all the time, cost a lot in upkeep, and after the novelty wears off, are not used as often as we think. This is another one no one takes with them when they move.

An interesting one here, especially given the crazy travel restrictions out there that existed even before the madness of a global pandemic — which, in fact, most policies don’t cover. In general, I never buy flight insurance. I find I barely use it and, worst case, if I can’t go on a flight, I’ll just pay the few hundred-dollar change fee. The one occurrence of paying that change fee is certainly cheaper than buying flight insurance every time I travel.

This one hurts. Who doesn’t love a $80 Caymus Cab or a Grey Goose martini? Now here comes the real question. Who thinks in a blind taste test they could tell the difference? The reality is, most people can’t. If you think you can, I propose a challenge and friendly wager for you.

I know my car buffs are going to scream at me for this, but I’ve asked around about top-grade gas and whether it makes a difference. I’ve yet to have a consensus on the effect it has on an engine. Maybe I’m off base on this one, but I’ve yet to be convinced.

It’s cool if you’ve done it. (I haven’t.) I’ve heard that it makes you feel special with fun amenities. But let’s be honest, is it worth 10x the cost if you have to pay for it out of pocket? I can’t make an argument for it, unless you’re going to drink 500 of those small bottles of alcohol. (And if that’s the case, you likely have bigger issues than paying a lot for your flight.)

Let’s forget the fact they’re literal death traps, they’re also not cheap and take up a lot of space. Thinking about owning one? Let me ask this, who has jumped on a trampoline before? Now, who has jumped on one for 45 minutes straight? I thought so. Talk about an item that just sits there gathering leaves. Think twice before buying a trampoline.

Maybe it’s the tree hugger in me, but you can get the same quality water by putting in a filter in your kitchen or buying a Brita. Plus isn’t it cool to buy a fancy water bottle and bring it everywhere with you?

RVs are really awesome. They’re also really expensive. I’ve certainly seen people get a lot of use out of an RV, especially in retirement. I’ve also seen many people try to unload them and their massive expense. Can you imagine which of those two scenarios I’ve seen more often?

I’m generalizing here, but the most successful people I know didn’t go to top Ivy league schools. Certainly, some of them did, but speaking from my own anecdotal evidence, I’ve yet to see a strong correlation to expensive school and earning potential. I’m a big proponent of “work hard and prove yourself.” That said, I’m sure all my kids will go to Harvard (unlike their Delaware Blue Hen father).

I love an awesome wedding with great, top-shelf alcohol (although can’t tell the difference), a killer band, and some sushi appetizers. Don’t you? In most cases though, that’s who’s really enjoying these big expensive weddings — the guests. In hindsight, can I get a show of hands of couples who later discovered they would’ve rather taken the money to start their lives together instead of having it thrown at a wedding? Some are able to have the best of all worlds, but my unofficial poll tends to lean towards weddings are not worth all the money.

We grew up using them. They gave a lot of great memories, and I’m thankful my parents had them to use. Now, like the rest of the timeshare-owning universe, my mom is trying to figure out what to do with it. It must be a dozen times a year that clients ask me how to unload their timeshare. Again, people like them and use them. But I don’t see them used often enough in the majority of my experience.

This one is simple. Walk into any high-end, second-hand store and they’re covered in expensive handbags. Walk out with one for a fraction of the price and the next date night, no one will be the wiser.

When I graduated college, my aunt asked me if I wanted a new TV or a nice watch (which was very generous of her). My dumb, 23-year-old self said the cool, flat-screen, 10,000-pound, tube TV. It cost like $1,500 and felt like it was filled with lead. Six months later, it was obsolete, and I could get a better, lighter, flat-screen TV for a fraction of the price. The same holds true today. Wait on the new TV, and in a year, you can buy it super cheap.

Coming from a wine guy, I just can’t do it anymore. I love my wine, but when I see that $80 bottle of Caymus on the menu being sold for $450, I can’t justify paying for it myself. Even worse, when I see that $80 bottle on the menu and realize I have the same one at home (which I got for $23). I just can’t do it. I’d rather go to a BYOB and bring my $80 bottle. (Because who’ll know the difference?)

The best vacuums are ugly and look like they’re from the 1970s. I’m sure we’ve all seen hotels using them and thought about why they’d use the old thing. There’s a reason these cleaning people aren’t using the newest, chic-looking Dyson. You want cool and expensive go that route. If you want your money’s worth, go get an ugly vacuum.

People buy them, and they collect dust. This leads me to two natural conclusions. One, don’t buy them in the first place. And two, if you do buy a set, get them used — find someone who is dying to unload their dead-weight weights. (See what I did there?) 

For this last one, I went to the Google machine to see what the World Wide Web had to say. Time after time, articles spoke about buying a used instrument. It got me thinking about my childhood and the three guitars, the drum set, and my dad’s old accordion. You can imagine how much fun we had making fun of my dad’s accordion (needless to say he wasn’t the stud his son is 😊). There are plenty of people looking to get rid of an instrument, so if you are looking for one, get it used. (If you’re Bruce Springsteen, however, buy new one and unload your old ones to fans.) As an aside, the only instrument I do own is, in fact, a signed Bruce Springsteen guitar, and it’s pretty awesome.

There you have it folks, my 2020 “not worth the moolah” blog.

I think I’ll keep this an annual tradition, so feel free to give me any feedback on items you don’t think are worth the money and maybe they’ll make my 2021 list.  When sending that feedback, just take it easy on me, as I am currently drinking Caymus while towing my boat with my RV!