Doing It All on Your Own

Raising children alone puts you on a financial tightrope without a safety net.

By Jane Bennett Clark, Senior Associate Editor

From Kiplinger's Personal Finance magazine, April 2006
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Such networks, formal and informal, offer single parents crucial backup. Morton enjoys getting together with a group of parents who have adopted Vietnamese children. "You look at your family, you look at each other -- you have things in common. It's great." He also relies on the enthusiastic support of his large, extended family: "Thomas is the only grandchild, so they're flipped out about him, in a good way."

Neighbors can help, too. Says Garrett: "I've run into neighborhood associations where a group, typically mothers or single parents, form their own network and help take care of each other's kids. Instead of worrying about the high cost of day care, they provide it for each other."

Then there's the been-there-done-that contingent. Parents Without Partners, an educational group, offers peer sessions for single parents on budgeting, child rearing and relationship issues, as well as activities, such as potluck dinners, that don't require a babysitter. "Many times, someone in the group has been where that new single parent is and can give insight," says Soucy. "We understand."

No matter their strategy (or lack thereof), single parents can take comfort in one sure thing: Sooner or later, kids grow up. On one of the cool, sunny days that characterize Tucson winters, Engel and her daughters sit in their bright kitchen and contemplate that prospect. Anya hopes her future will hold schooling in England and trips around the world (or at least to New York). Nastya is considering attending community college and wants to be a veterinarian, as long as she can stay close to Mom. Says Engel, "We dream of having a farm. I could garden, and she could have animals."

Meanwhile, she says, "things have gradually been getting easier. Now that I have the house, I feel more stable. The girls and I are happy. And that's the main reason for having children -- to make them happy."

GUARDIANSHIP

A Will Says It All

Remember, no matter how carefully you plan for your children's financial security, you leave them dangerously vulnerable if you neglect to draft a will that designates a guardian in the event of your death. Without such a legally executed document, you risk having the state choose a surrogate parent for you. In Surviving the Loss of a Spouse (Dearborn, $16), Sheryl Garrett writes, "It could end up being a person you do not like, respect or even know."

On the other hand, be aware that even a legally designated guardian can't trump the other biological parent. No matter how contentious the divorce, that person will almost certainly be granted custody of the kids unless determined to be unfit.

Because state laws prohibit minors from managing assets, you'll probably also need to name a guardian of the property. Although one person can play both roles, "if there are substantial assets involved, or if the caretakers are lousy with money, sometimes it's healthier to name different parties," says Garrett.

It's better to choose one individual as guardian rather than a couple, says Martin Shenkman, an estate-planning specialist in Teaneck, N.J. "If the couple divorces, the child's guardianship may be litigated as part of that divorce. I've seen it happen -- not pretty."

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