Money Smart Kids
Yes, You Can Say No to Your Kids
Even during the holidays, you don't have to give your children everything they ask for.
By Janet Bodnar, Editor, Kiplinger's Personal Finance
December 10, 2008
Lately I've been doing a lot of radio and TV interviews on the subject of how parents should tell their children they'll be cutting back on gifts this holiday season (see Putting Santa on a Budget). Reporters covering this story have been getting some surprising reactions from parents.
Even though parents say they want to ease up on spending, they sometimes seem reluctant to stand up to their kids. As one father put it, "You have to buy them what they want."
Unfortunately, it's that kind of thinking that got so many families into financial trouble in the first place. Sure, you want to buy your kids some of the things they want. And you also want to surprise them with gifts they never expected. But you don't have to buy them everything they ask for.
It seems parents need reassurance that they can say no to their kids and get away with it. So let me share some uplifting anecdotes I've picked up during the course of my interviews.
One woman, for example, recalled that after the stock-market crash of 1987 her father gathered her and her five siblings around the kitchen table, gave them a Sears catalog, and told them they each had $20 to spend. The kids didn't mind making their choices, and the story has become part of the family's holiday lore -- a Christmas tradition in itself.
One father told me that when he was a cash-strapped graduate student, he told his daughters, then ages 6 and 4, that they wouldn't be getting too many holiday gifts. The girls came up with their own idea for raising money: Their mother made delicious sweet potato pies, so why not sell pies to their neighbors and friends?
One idea I suggested was to give children a gift of time and personal attention instead of big-ticket gifts, taking then on a one-on-one "date" with Mom or Dad. Asked by a TV reporter what her kids would think of that idea, one mother just rolled her eyes.
Okay, this strategy may not work for every family. But don't assume your children wouldn't want to spend time with you (and get a free movie or a meal at their favorite restaurant). I'd like to think that most parents and kids have a better relationship than that. And if you don't, isn't it about time to start one?
Finally, some parents figure they can't get away with saying no because Santa will always come through if they don't. But don't hesitate to tell your kids that Santa works hand in glove with Mom and Dad. If they buy into Santa, they'll buy into any tale you weave about how he operates.
When I was a kid, we got our presents, as customary, on Christmas morning. But many families in my neighborhood had the tradition of getting gifts on Christmas Eve. Puzzled, I once asked my parents, "When does Santa come?" "Early," my parents replied. Sounded good to me.
Topics:
- Comments
- RSS
Permission to post your comment is assumed when you submit it. The name you provide will be used to identify your post, and NOT your e-mail address. We reserve the right to excerpt or edit any posted comments for clarity, appropriateness, civility, and relevance to the topic.
View our full privacy policy
Reader Comments (5)
Posted by: Nomen at 12/10/2008 11:01:50 AM
It's sad to see how such a beautiful religious holiday got turned into a commercial greedfest. We never promoted the Santa game. Our presents were usually small and often handmade for each other. Larger presents, like the latest video game, were group presents where several family members chipped in to buy it and the kids got to share it. The emphasis was more on giving than getting. Many of our past Christmas presents are still on display throughout the house and we won't be spending the next six months trying to pay off the credit cards where the bill lasts longer than the toy.
Posted by: SteveTheHawk at 12/10/2008 01:04:00 PM
Oh my oh my..... "you have to buy them what they want???". That's just plain wrong (and pathetic). You need to be a parent first and a friend later. Kids that always get what they want often grow into miserable, whiney adults IMO. Some disappointment is good for your character, plain and simple. I'll grant you, as a child I received everything I needed and much of what I wanted, but I came to know that you don't always get what you want. To this day, I believe that played a part in learning to control my use of credit. I have not paid a dime in credit card interest in 25 years. Why? Because I don't buy it simply because I want it.
Posted by: Kevin at 12/10/2008 01:41:49 PM
Even in more finncially stable times, giving children everything they want is a great disservice to them. That is what has led in many cases to the need for instant gratification, overspending and lack of savings in many households. Cutting back on spending, creativity in making gifts, and other creative gifts as you have mentioned may be one of the greatest gifts for our children that we can give them.
Posted by: Jeanluc at 12/10/2008 05:47:04 PM
My kids are making gifts for their friends , teachers and cousins this year (mostly candies and mini scrapbooks). I have a tight budget and very little time to shop - so i'm loving the gift list PapaCity did for gifts under $25. papacity.com/holidays
Posted by: Bob at 12/10/2008 10:56:45 PM
One of our favorite gift ideas involves scanning scrap book photos from older relatives or if necessary simply taking our digital camera to their house and photographing photos in their fragile old scrap books and even family pictures on the wall. We then can use them with inexpensive frames or make collages printed on calendars. So many precious and previously unknown family photos have emerged every time we've done this. It's a tremendous learning experience for the kids to help edit and compose the photos on the computer.(Comments like grandpa looked just like me when he was eight are often heard.) The final cost per gift is $20 or less and a treasure forever. Another favorite is to give the 7-14 year old kids a $10 gift card and take them shopping during the after Christmas sales. We then challenge them to find the best deal on something they want. It's a fabulous educational opportunity and great family fun. They quickly learn how to comparison shop and stretch their dollars. The children are so proud of their purchases and feel so grown up to be making their own decisions.